Christmas in Connecticut
by roslinadama-sinequanon
Summary: When Sharon's parents invite the Raydor/Beck/Flynns for Christmas at their home in Connecticut, Andy uses the opportunity as a way to bring the two families closer together and turns it into a full New England vacation. Romance and fun ensue.
1. Chapter 1

Note-I gave this an M rating but the majority of the chapters will be K-T, just wanted to cover myself for the two or three chapters that will fall out of that range.

 _It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas  
_ _Ev'rywhere you go,  
_ _Take a look in the five-and-ten, it's glistening once again  
_ _With candy canes and silver lanes that glow.  
_ _It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas,  
_ _Toys in ev'ry store,  
_ _But the prettiest sight to see is the holly that will be  
_ _On your own front door._ _  
_

* * *

"This airplane is so cool. Papa Andy is AWESOME."

Sharon turned in her seat to look at Andy who couldn't keep himself from grinning. "Papa Andy is awesome," she smiled as they continued to listen to Tyler and Scott's animated chatter in the seats behind them. It was the first time the seven year old and five year old had been on an airplane and to say they were excited would be putting it mildly.

Nicole was sitting behind them with the boys while Ricky, Rusty and Dean sat across the aisle. It was a week before Christmas and the Flynn/Raydor tribes were flying across the country to spend the holiday with Sharon's parents in Connecticut. When the invitation had been extended Andy had taken it one step further. Now that he and Sharon were living together, he hoped to draw the two families closer together and had booked them all for a few days at a New Hampshire winter resort for some skiing and family bonding. Emily was flying in from New York and would meet them at Logan airport in Boston. Ironically she should have been flying home to Southern California where American Ballet Theater was at this very moment performing The Nutcracker in Costa Mesa, but instead she had been suffering from a bout of Achilles tendonitis and was on forced rest. So, with the exception of Gus being unable to get a week and half off to join them, everything had fallen into place quite well.

Too well if you asked Andy. Both he and Sharon had been holding their breath at work for the past couple weeks, knowing that a big case could completely ruin their vacation. Murder had often gotten in the way of both their Christmas plans in the past. But this time everything was working like clockwork. No new cases had popped up and Provenza was eager to be running the show while his Captain was on vacation.

"This really is a nice thing that you are doing for all of us," Sharon said, taking Andy's hand and squeezing it.

"Yeah, well I'm a nice guy."

She shook her head with amusement at the cocky smile and the twinkle in his chocolate brown eyes. "Yes, you are," she said lifting the hand she held to press a kiss to the back of it. "But I'm being serious here. My parents are so thrilled that we're all coming out to spend the holiday with them, and that they are finally going to get to officially meet you in person instead of just skyping with you. But then you put all this effort into pulling together a family ski vacation, renting a villa at this resort, paying for everyone–and you don't even like to ski."

"No, I don't, not really. But I do like you. And I like your kids, and all you Raydors like to ski."

"Oh, Flynn, good answer. " Sharon rested her head on Andy's shoulder. For a man she used to think was a sarcastic ass, he could sure be awfully sweet at times.

"Besides there's a lot more to do at this resort than alpine skiing. They have snow shoeing, skating, cross country skiing, sleigh rides, horseback riding and an outdoor heated pool and Jacuzzi. Not to mention our suite has our own private Jacuzzi for two." He raised his eyebrow at her in a suggestive lothario way that made her giggle. He loved that giggle. It had been his first surprise about her when she'd come to work with them, that her serious, expressionless professional mask hid a woman who not only loved to laugh but whose laughter was completely contagious. When Sharon got the giggles it was impossible not to laugh along with her.

"I just hope this place is as good as it looked online."

"Andy, I'm sure it's going to be beautiful and we're all going to have a great time."

"Papa Andy, where are all the cars?"

"We're in New Hampshire boys, that's a long way from LA. There aren't any big cities and it's a lot more rural than where you come from."

"What's rural mean?"

Stuck on an actual definition Andy glanced over at Sharon who was sitting in the car beside him for help. She obliged, turning in her seat to glance at the boys who were in the back with Nicole. "It means being in the country, like this. You'll see a lot of trees and farms rather than a lot of cars, houses and buildings."

"Aren't you glad you picked to drive the car that had the kids in it?" Nicole asked with a sarcastic grin that was very reminiscent of her father. The boys had been filled with questions from the moment they landed at Logan airport and they all stepped outside where it was a frigid 16 degrees. "Why is it so cold here? How can the Red Sox play here without jackets if it's so cold? Can we go touch the snow? Are we really going to learn how to ski? On and on it went and Andy loved every minute of it.

"Actually I am," he said. He didn't want to dwell on the past and he sure didn't want his daughter to feel badly so he didn't say anything more on the subject, but he'd spent so many Christmas's alone, longing to be with family, fighting the urge to drink his sorrows away, that having a big noisy family surrounding him again was as much a gift to him as it was to them.

And the fact that the boys had questions wasn't surprising, this was a whole new world for them. After landing at Logan, they'd made their way to the car rental kiosk where they'd picked up two four wheel drive SUV's then hit route 95 north out of Boston, switching over to route 16 in Portsmouth NH which was taking them deep into the heart of the White Mountains. For kids used to Southern California's traffic jams and urban sprawl, this drive was very alien to them. Piles of snow lined the two lane rural route and other than a pasture here or there, or a frozen lake, the only scenery was trees, a dark forest as far as the eye could see. Until they came to North Conway Village, nestled at the base of white topped mountains. North Conway was a year round resort village lined by outlet stores, restaurants and quaint little shops. Once through the sprawl of North Conway they were back in the woods, though this time they were in ski country and the road north was lined sporadically with Nordic inns and bed and breakfasts, condos and motels.

Finally they reached Jackson Village at dusk and it could not have been more quintessentially New England. The gateway to the village was a wide red painted covered bridge adorned with large Christmas wreaths. A giant evergreen tree, limbs laden by snow and covered in Christmas lights rose on the bluff of the river at the bridge's entrance. Andy had never driven over a covered bridge before and was surprised by how much noise it made.

Within minutes they were in the village square, a white church steeple rising up into the dusky sky and a gazebo in the middle of the square covered in wreaths, white lights and garland.

"It's just how I pictured New England," Nicole breathed.

Sharon had grown up in New England, covered bridges and village squares were not new to her and she had skied and vacationed in the White Mountains many times. But the beauty of this pristine winter village was still able to move her in a far different way than Southern California, which also had a place in her heart.

"Are we almost there?" Tyler asked sleepily. After five and a half hours on a plane and a couple hours in the car the boys had fallen asleep about an hour ago only waking up when Andy finally stopped the car.

"We're here," Sharon grinned back at Tyler and Scott who immediately rubbed the sleep out of their eyes. Nicole helped them out of their seatbelts and everyone climbed out of the car to join Emily, Ricky, Rusty and Dean who were surveying the scene before them.

On a slight knoll, rose the Nestlenook Inn, a grand old Victorian farmhouse alit with white lights and covered in draping garland and wreaths with red bows. Trees scattered in front of the inn sparkled with twinkling white lights. Directly across from the inn where they could hear Christmas music playing over a loudspeaker, dozens of people were skating along a frozen river by the light of antique black gaslight lanterns. A large white bridge arched gracefully over the river and it too was covered in tiny white lights and garland. Fire pits dotted the snowy landscape and at one end of the pond there was a large white gazebo with smoke coming from its chimney.

"Whoa," Scott gasped with awe. "Are we at the North Pole?"

"Not the North Pole," Sharon said. "But it sure looks like a winter wonderland to me."

"It's like stepping back in time," Nicole sighed. "Like a scene from Currier and Ives."

"Mm…" Sharon agreed a little spark in her green eyes as she leaned into to whisper into Andy's ear. "Very romantic Lieutenant."

He grinned down at her, pleased that they all seemed so taken with his choice of venue.

"Look, look, there are horses." Tyler pointed in the direction they'd been hearing jingling bells and sure enough, over the bridge came a horse drawn sleigh.

"Are you SURE this isn't the North Pole, Papa Andy?" Scott looked up at Andy with wide eyed awe.

"I'm pretty sure," Andy reached out to tousle his hair. "But let's all get checked in before we freeze to death. I'd almost forgotten how cold a Northeast winter can be."

They all began climbing the stairs that led into the inn, Andy holding the door open to usher them all into the lobby. A fire was blazing in the sitting room fireplace, the air redolent with the smell of burning of wood.

While the kids and young adults warmed up at the fire Andy and Sharon went to the front desk.

"We have a reservation for one of your villas. It's under Andrew Flynn," Andy said.

"Ah, yes, Mr. Flynn, I have you right here." The receptionist got his keys, gave him information on the restaurant and the spa, the hours that the indoor and outdoor heated pools were open, where to rent skates, snow shoes and ski's and how to book a sleigh ride or horseback riding tour.

"Okay everyone, we're all set," Andy said.

"Our villa is just on the other side of the pond," Sharon continued. "Why don't we all go check it out, freshen up a bit, then we'll come back over here to the inn for supper. Sound like a plan?"

"Sounds great, I'm starving," Ricky groaned.

"When aren't you starving?" Both Emily and Rusty said at the same time, causing the three of them to burst into laughter. While the three Raydor kids joked and teased each other Nicole moved closer to Andy, taking his hand.

"Dad. I just want to tell you, this place…it's amazing. The boys are so excited. Dean and I just can't thank you enough. This is best Christmas gift you could have given us."

Andy felt a lump rise in his throat and he bent to press a kiss into his daughter's forehead. "I love you, Nic. I always wanted to give you the world."

Nicole nodded, tears burning her eyes. "I know Dad. I love you too."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

_Merry Christmas baby  
_ _Sure do treat me nice  
_ _Merry Christmas baby  
_ _Sure do treat me nice  
_ _Bought me a diamond ring for Christmas  
_ _I feel like I'm in paradise  
_ _I feel mighty fine, y'all  
_ _I've got music on my radio  
_ _Feel mighty fine, girl  
_ _I've got music on my radio,  
_ _oh, oh, oh  
_ _I feel like I'm gonna kiss you  
_ _Standing beneath that mistletoe_ _  
_

* * *

"Mmm…." Sharon murmured, her eyes remaining closed as she clung to the last vestige of sleep while Andy's lips nuzzled into her neck. Undeterred by her unwillingness to wake, Andy unerringly found that spot at the base of her throat, the one that seemed to have erotic nerves attached straight to her groin, and began a gentle suction. Sharon arched with a moan, finally opening her eyes.

"Good morning." Andy smiled against her warm skin, his voice husky with sleep. He knew that would do the job. It always did.

"Mmm…morning." She arched again in a stretch that pushed her hardening nipples against the silky fabric of her negligee. "That feels so nice…" she purred, one of her hands falling to Andy's head to run her fingers sensuously through his thick short hair while he continued to nuzzle her.

"Mmmhmmm…" he agreed, cupping his big hand over her breast and teasing the sensitive hard peak with his thumb. "It does feel nice." His lips trailed from her throat, down over her chest, nibbling lightly on the swell of her breast before finally closing over her nipple, his tongue teasing her through the silky fabric.

"Aaandy…" His name came out on a breathless sigh, her hips beginning a restless squirm of arousal.

"Tell me what you want, sweetheart."

Oh, he knew what she wanted; he just liked making her tell him. And she knew from experience he just might deny her until she did. So, she parted her thighs and gave a soft plea. "Touch me, Andy…Please. "

"Oh babe, there's nothing I like more than touching you. You're so soft, so warm.' His hand began a tantalizing path up the silky skin of her inner thigh. Sharon's hips became even more restless, urging him to up to where she needed to be touched. But Andy was in no rush this morning. It had taken him so long to be granted the privilege of caressing her so intimately he wanted to savor each and every moment. Besides, nothing was sexier than Sharon Raydor writhing against him, begging him to make love to her. And beg him she did.

Finally, with her frustration mounting, Sharon grabbed the hand that was tracing the lacy edge of her low cut panties from hipbone to hipbone and pulled it directly over her mound.

"Oh, is this where you wanted me?" His statement was all innocence, but the sexy cocky smile on his handsome face was not.

She smirked back at him. "You know damn well it is."

"Well then…" He slipped his hand into her panties sliding his middle finger right down her center. She gasped and involuntarily thrust her hips up at him wanting much, much more of that. Instead, after a few teases Andy withdrew his hand. She gave a soft whimper of distress.

"Don't worry, there's more where that came from. I just need better access." With that he began peeling her panties down her hips and over those long sleek legs he could never get enough of. Tossing the panties aside he rose up over her body and smiled down at her while he continued his erotic caress between her thighs.

Sharon could feel his hardening cock pressed against her belly when he bent to kiss her. Irresistibly drawn to it she let her hand trail down to give his butt a firm squeeze before reaching between their bodies to wrap his shaft in her palm.

"Mmm…God Shar," he groaned against her lips. "That feels so damn good."

"Oh yes it does." Sliding her hand up and down his length she reveled in the feel of the soft satiny skin covering his pulsing marble hardness. "But I know something that will feel even better. If you're up for it."

"Sweetheart, I don't think you need me to tell you how much I'm up for it, the evidence is right there in your hand."

Sharon giggled, running her thumb over the head of his penis, already slick with his arousal "Yes, you definitely are. " Gently she pushed at his chest, rolling him over onto his back so she could straddle his hips.

Now it was her turn to smile down at him. Placing a hand on each side of his shoulders she bent and kissed him deeply, her hair enveloping them in a sensuous, perfumed cocoon. His hand moved back between them, his fingers brushing over the soft neat little triangle of curls before slipping back into her slick wet heat. Sharon threw her head back crying out softly when he found her clit, circling over it again and again until she couldn't stand to be empty for one moment longer. Taking him in hand she aligned their bodies and slid down on him, both groaning with the exquisite rapture of finally being joined.

Andy loved nothing more than watching a completely nude Sharon ride him, but there was something about being joined with her while she still wore her clinging satin chemise that was incredibly sexy too.

"You're so damn beautiful," he said, raising his hands to cup her breasts while she sensuously slid up and down on him, her head thrown back, teeth biting into her lower lip with the stretch of his penetration.

Sharon savored every inch of him, until fullness and pressure wasn't enough, until she needed to release the masculine power she knew he was restraining. Lying down fully on top of him, her words were both a demand and a plea. "Andy, please… now."

It was the cue he'd been waiting for. He knew exactly how she liked it. His hands moved over her back tracing her spine before finally resting on the curve of her rear, squeezing and kneading her as he began thrusting fast and furiously up into her. "God, I love your ass," he groaned while pulling her down onto him with each upward thrust. Soon what had begun with the low embers of sleepy morning sex flamed into a bonfire of heat and need, the room filling with Sharon's sharp little cries and whimpers and Andy's deep guttural groans as they both came apart in each other's arms.

"Papa Andy, Sharon, time for breakfast." Flinging the door open, Scott stopped in his tracks. "What are you doing?" He asked.

Still lying on top of Andy, trying to catch her breath, Sharon froze, at first in shock and then not wanting to move and give the boy a lesson in sex Ed he wasn't ready for. Never had she been more grateful to have made love still clothed-for the most part.

"Uh, Scotty you really should knock before going in someone's room," Andy said. "Sharon and I are having grown up private time right now."

"Oh yeah, sorry. I'm supposed to knock. Don't tell 'kay?" Scott turned to leave the room but then gave a quick puzzled glance back. "Were you guys wrestling? "

"Uh…yeah," Andy said. "That's exactly what we were doing."

"Okay."

"Scott," Nicole called from downstairs. "I told you not to wake up Papa Andy and Sharon."

"It's okay, Mom," he called back. "They're already awake. They were wrestling."

"Oh my God." Sharon buried her face in Andy's chest with mortification.

* * *

"Wrestling, huh?" Emily gave Nicole a knowing grin after Dean took the boys off to get dressed.

"Oh stop. Let's just stop talking about it," Ricky groaned.

"I don't know why you boys are so freaked out, it's just sex," Nicole shrugged. "People have sex."

"Not my MOTHER," Ricky shuddered.

"He's right," Rusty agreed. "Can we just stop talking about Mom and Andy and…You know."

Emily gave her cringing brother an exasperated look. "Rusty, they're living together. You live with them. What do you think they do in the bedroom?"

"They're sleeping and that is ALL I will allow myself to believe."

"Amen, little bro." Ricky gave Rusty a high five.

Emily and Nicole were still chortling with laughter when Andy and Sharon, now in their robes joined them in the kitchen, Sharon still flushed with embarrassment and Andy with a self- satisfied grin.

Sharon quickly took Nicole aside. "I want you to know Scott didn't see anything. We were…um…"

"Finished." Andy supplied, grabbing a bagel. Sharon elbowed him. "What?" he asked innocently. "It's the truth, we had just finished."

"Oh God," Rusty and Ricky covered their ears. "Lalalalalala."

Rolling her eyes at the boys Nicole took pity on her father and his girlfriend. "It's fine," she said resting a hand on Sharon's arm. "You're just lucky it was Scott, it all went right over his head. Ty might have been a different story."

"We were so wiped out last night we just fell into bed. We'll remember to lock the door tonight," Andy promised, a grin crossing his face at the groans that continued to come from the table.

"Can we talk about where we're going to ski today?"

"Rusty." Sharon turned to him with surprise. "I didn't think you really cared all that much for skiing."

"I don't, but I'd rather discuss just about anything other than your sex life."

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

_Oh the weather outside is frightful  
_ _But the fire is so delightful  
_ _And since we've no place to go  
_ _Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!  
_ _It doesn't show signs of stopping  
_ _And I've bought some corn for popping  
_ _The lights are turned way down low  
_ _Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!_ _  
_

 _When we finally kiss good night  
_ _How I'll hate going out in the storm!  
_ _But if you'll really hold me tight  
_ _All the way home I'll be warm  
_ _The fire is slowly dying  
_ _And, my dear, we're still goodbying  
_ _But as long as you love me so  
_ _Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow_ _  
_

* * *

When the family arrived at the Attitash Ski Resort, they broke up into different groups. Sharon, Ricky and Emily were expert skiers, though the black diamond runs were out for Emily. Even if she weren't rehabbing an injury, now that she was dancing with ABT she had to be careful about partaking in any dangerous sport. So, she would be joining Andy for a few runs on the beginner slope. That ended up working out well as Sharon hadn't wanted to desert him, but was looking forward to trying out some of the more difficult trails with Ricky.

Rusty, having lived with Sharon for several years now had gone with her a few times to her parent's time share in Park City, Utah and also to Big Bear Mountain which was only a couple hours from LA and was where she liked to ski in California. She'd hoped he would learn to love the sport as much as the rest of the family did and had paid for him to have private lessons. It had taken some time but he'd finally progressed from beginner to advanced. In the beginning he'd reacted the way he always did to something out of his comfort zone, by being sarcastic and vocal in his dislike of the sport. But the better he got at it the less inferior he felt to his siblings and the more he allowed himself to enjoy it.

Nicole, Dean and the boys had never stepped foot on a ski resort and would spend the day on the bunny slope having lessons.

As for Andy, Sharon had brought him to Big Bear in preparation for this vacation and he'd had a couple lessons. Though, as he'd pointed out to Sharon, growing up in working class Brooklyn meant he'd never even come close to a ski resort, he was athletic, in good shape, and had done some surfing so he did okay. But he was still a beginner and didn't really aspire to anything greater. Sliding down a mountain on two thin pieces of wood and fiberglass on a beginner slope while five year olds whizzed past him was not his idea of great time. Truthfully, for him, the best part of any ski trip was cuddling up with Sharon in front of the fire at the ski lodge anyway.

They were only a few runs in when Andy noticed Emily rubbing her leg and grimacing a bit.

"Em, you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, my stupid Achilles is just starting to ache. I don't want to push it. I think I better call it a day."

"Okay, let's head back to the lodge. I could go for a hot chocolate anyway."

"Oh, no, Andy. Don't let me ruin your day, you keep going. I figured something like this might happen and I brought my kindle. I'll just curl up in front of the fire and read."

"I'll let you in on a little secret; you're doing me a favor by ending early."

"You don't like skiing?"

"Not really. Your mom took me cross country skiing and I enjoyed that, but downhill is not really my thing."

"But you planned a ski vacation for all of us. Why would you do that if you don't like skiing?"

"Because your mother loves it and I love your mother. And now that we're living together I thought it would be good for us all to spend some time together. Besides, it's been a rough few months, with the shooting and my little health scare. I think we all needed to get away and relax."

Emily looked up at him tears shining in her big hazel eyes. Andy frowned. "Are you crying? Did I say something wrong?"

"No, Andy. You said something very, very right. I'm so glad my mom has you in her life now. "

"Well, that's something I wanted to talk to you about. "

Emily stopped at the door to the lodge and gave him a look of panic. "You're not breaking up with her are you?"

Andy chuckled. "Hardly. I'm head over heels for that woman."

Emily smiled with relief. "I can see that. We all can."

Andy got them each a steaming cup of dark hot chocolate with whipped cream and joined Emily on the couch in front of the fireplace. She had taken her ski boots off and was massaging her foot.

"Here you go," he handed her the cup.

"Thank you," she took a sip. "Oh God, this is divine."

They sat in silence for a few moments, sipping their cocoa. Emily could see that Andy was a little uncomfortable so she gave him a little prod. "You said there was something you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Uh, yes, there is. I'm hoping to talk to your brothers tonight. But, uh, well, I, uh..."

"Andy, just spit it out."

Andy laughed. She sounded very much like her mother. "It's just, like I said earlier. I love your mother very much. You know we're looking to buy a house together?"

"Yeah, I think that's great. Like I said, my mom is lucky to have you in her life."

"Thank you, but I'm the lucky one. Your mother is the most amazing woman I've ever met. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. What I'm trying to say is…I want to ask your mother to marry me and I was wondering how you'd feel about that?"

Emily's jaw dropped and she stared at him.

Uncomfortable with her silence and lack of response Andy quickly continued. "I know there are some issues we'll have to work out. I'm pretty sure your mother would want to get married in the church and of course she'd want to continue to receive the sacraments. That might require an annulment but with the new pope, he's giving priests more leeway now when it comes to divorce and-"

"Andy, stop."

He did, surprised to see a beatific smile softening Emily's face. "Did you just say you want to ask my mother to marry you?"

"Yes, uh, I guess I did."

"Oh my GOD!" Emily squealed with delight and threw her arms around him. "Oh, Andy, I think that's the best news I've had in a long time. My mother adores you; I've never seen her look at anyone the way she looks at you and I've never seen her so happy. I'd LOVE for you guys to get married. When are you going to ask her?"

"I'm not sure; I guess when the time is right. I wanted to talk to all of you first. Of course Sharon would say it's her decision, and it is, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to cover all my bases."

"Well, you have my blessing, that's for sure. My mother deserves to be happy. She's spent her whole life taking care of everyone around her. She deserves to have someone taking care of her for a change."

"Better not let her hear you say that," Andy grinned. Sharon had spent years without having anyone to lean on and she didn't always find it easy to admit she needed help.

"Just because you CAN take care of yourself, doesn't mean you should always HAVE to." In an instant the light left Emily's eyes, replaced by a heavy sadness. "My father was pretty terrible to her, you know." Andy nodded. "I know a lot of people see mom as this tough police captain, and she can be tough, but she also has a really, really big heart. She's always been there for me and Ricky and even though she worked full time and was raising us alone she was never too busy to help us or our friends. When I was in high school I had a friend who got pregnant. Her parents were super strict, super conservative and she was terrified to tell them. It was my mother we turned to for help. She didn't judge Leah; she just wanted to know what she could do to help. She brought her to a doctor and when the pregnancy was confirmed she went with her as a buffer to tell her parents so she didn't have to do it alone. That's the kind of person she is. And my dad used that. He used her compassion to get her to help him out of whatever jams he got himself into. He's pretty good at making people feel sorry for him."

"Your dad is sick, Em. He's an alcoholic. I'm an alcoholic too. I think you know that."

"I do. And I know you've been sober for like 20 years. I don't know what you were like when you were drinking, but I know what you're like now and you're nothing like my father. My father is just as manipulative when he isn't drinking as when he is. It's not the alcohol, it's just who is. Don't get me wrong. I love my father because he's my father but I'll never trust him. He uses anyone to get what he wants or needs and he doesn't care who he hurts in the process." She set her mug down surprised by how much she'd revealed. Usually she kept everything bottled up inside."I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hear me going on about all this."

"It's okay. You can tell me anything Em. I'd never judge you."

There was something in the way he said that, something in the way he looked at her, a combination of compassion and earnestness that made her think she really could trust him enough to open up to him.

"I guess I'm still pretty angry with him. I'm sure mom has told you that I…We…went years without speaking with him; he just completely disappeared from our lives. Then one day a few years ago he showed up on mom's door broke and homeless, needing a place to stay. He wanted her to help him get an apartment, so she bribed him. Told him he could stay with her until he found a place IF he called Ricky and me. Please don't tell her I know, she's always tried so hard to protect us." She waited for Andy's nod of agreement then continued on. "It came out last Christmas when I had to stay with him for a bit because there was no room at mom's and he got plastered one night. He gets pretty maudlin when he's drunk, all sloppy and apologetic. Anyway, I didn't know mom had to bribe him until then. I was just happy that he wanted to have some kind of contact with me. After that call, I didn't hear from him for several months, and then out of blue around the time she started proceedings to adopt Rusty, I started getting calls again. It was only later that I found out he was just using me and Ricky to try to wheedle information out of us about you and mom. The divorce really threw him. He's pretty jealous of you."

"Well, he should be. He lost something very special."

"Yeah, he did. He never would have done this, you know."

"Done what?"

"Put together a vacation like this. Not if it wasn't something he didn't want to do. He never did anything just because he loved my mother and wanted to do something nice for her. There always had to be something in it for him. I'm sorry; I really shouldn't be dumping all this on you. As you can probably tell, I'm still a little bitter."

Andy took the young woman's hand, his heart aching for the pain so evident in the way she spoke of her father. "Like I said, it's okay. I'm not just here for your mother, I'm here for you and Ricky and Rusty too. I want us to be family. Families dump on each other so feel free to dump away."

Emily smiled. Andy really was very sweet. It was no wonder her mother had fallen in love with him. Like most children of separated or divorced parents there had been a time she'd hoped her parents would get back together. But that time was long gone and now all she wanted was for her mother to be happy with a man who loved her the way she deserved to be loved.

"The fact that you did all this for my mom, for us, well; it just shows how much you really love her."

"I do, Emily. I want to spend the rest of my life making her happy. I can't promise you that I'll never hurt her. I'm far from perfect and sometimes we hurt the ones we love without ever intending to. But I do promise that I will never intentionally hurt her. I…"

"Here you two are."

Emily and Andy looked up to see the subject of their discussion in her white fur trimmed ski parker, her cheeks rosy from the cold and wind, glossy auburn curls spilling out of her ski hat. Andy quickly turned to Emily mouthing "not a word". She gave a slight nod, barely able to contain her excitement.

"My foot was bothering me so Andy kindly joined me back here and got me a hot chocolate."

Sharon gazed at Andy with that sappy "Oh you sweet man I love you so much" look that Emily had been referring to earlier.

"Did you need us for something?" Andy asked.

"No, not really. I did a couple runs with Ricky, then a couple with Rusty; I was just coming to do one with the two of you but couldn't find you. How about heading over to the bunny slope to see how the kids are progressing?"

"Sounds good to me."

Emily chose to remain behind reading her book while Andy and Sharon left to cheer on the boys who were excited to show Papa Andy and Sharon all they'd learned.

* * *

After lunch at the ski lodge and a couple more runs they all went back to the villa to change into swimsuits and try the outdoor pool and hot tub. With the temperature a frigid 18 degrees, the hot water in the pool and hot tub gave off enough steam to make it look like they were entering a fog bank. Much to the boys excitement it began to snow. And, as if that weren't enough of a novelty for two Southern California boys they were actually SWIMMING while it was snowing!

Andy and Sharon relaxed in the hot tub letting the hot water and powerful jets soothe their aching muscles.

"Did you wear that suit on purpose?" Andy asked.

"What do you mean?" Sharon glanced down through the bubbling water at the low cut black one piece bathing suit she wore. The one that looked a tad conservative from the front but had missing side panels and was held together by sexy criss-crossed ties.

"You really think I'd forget the first time I ever saw you in a bathing suit?"

"Ah, yes, the weekend at the beach bungalow."

"First time we…you know…" He tapped her toes with his.

"Oh yes, I know," she purred with a seductive smile.

He started to scoot over closer, leaning in to kiss her but Sharon held him off with a gentle hand, nodding her head toward the pool where their kids were swimming. "Keep that in mind for later tonight when we're in our private Jacuzzi. We don't want to get busted again."

Andy laughed. "That was a first, huh? "

"And hopefully a last."

"All those times we were so careful not to get caught by Rusty in the condo, only to get exposed on vacation."

"Can we please not use that word." Sharon still flushed with embarrassment when thinking about that morning. "Let's talk about something else."

"What would you like to talk about?"

"Emily. You two looked pretty serious when I came into the lodge. Anything I should know?"

"Uh…No, we were just talking, getting to know each other a little better."

"I'm worried about her."

"Why?"

"This injury, it doesn't sound like anything big, but the ballet world is extremely competitive. ABT is one of the flagship ballet companies of the United States. To be out of commission for any amount of time could hurt Emily. And, she just broke up with the guy she's been dating for several months, so she's quite vulnerable right now."

"They wouldn't hold her spot?" Andy sounded so affronted it brought a tender smile Sharon's lips and she took his hand. It was touching to hear him get so offended on her daughter's behalf.

"Probably not for long."

"Dirt bags," he grumbled.

"Ow, ow, ow ow ow." Ricky made his way over the ice from the pool to the hot tub. "Freezing, freezing, freezing."

"Don't put your hand on the metal railing," Sharon warned. "It will freeze to it."

Climbing the steps up to the hot tub Ricky heeded his mother's warning remembering that scene from "A Christmas Story" just in time. "You two are decent in there, aren't you?" He teased.

"Oh my God, of course we're decent," Sharon gasped, then turned to a laughing Andy as Ricky sunk down the hot tub next to them. "We're never going to live that down, you know?"

"There are worse things to be remembered for than a hot sex life, sweetheart."

When they all agreed they were starving after a day of exercise and fresh mountain air, they showered, dressed and made their way into Jackson for supper. They ended up at the recommended Shovel Handle Pub, a restaurant in an old 1800's restored post and beam barn. A guitarist and fiddler played live music and by the time they got back to the resort Tyler and Scott were more asleep than awake. But when Dean and Andy slid them into bed, they came to life and requested that Sharon read them their bedtime story. Sharon was happy to oblige and that worked out perfectly, because Andy had something to discuss with the Raydor boys.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

_I want a snowfall kind of love  
_ _The kind of love that keeps you in bed all day  
_ _Oh I want to walk through with you  
_ _And watch it all melt away"_ _  
_

* * *

"Mmmm…. "Andy gave a soft groan. "You weren't kidding, this does feel great."

"I'm surprised you've never done it before. "

"No, never. I had no idea you liked this kind of thing. Do you do it a lot?" Even after all this time together there were still things he was learning about Sharon.

"Once or twice a month. But I've never done it with anyone, just on my own. It's a great way to alleviate stress."

Certainly better than bottling it up inside. She didn't make the accusation aloud but the undercurrent was certainly there in her tone. Andy wisely chose not to argue the point.

"You know, "she continued. "Maybe if we do this more often it could even help with your blood pressure."

"Better than those stupid pills. "

"Andy, you still have to take your pills."

"I know, I know."

He hated the little hitch of fear in her voice. His collapse a few months ago, even though it had turned out to be much ado about nothing, had really done a number her.

"Since you've never done this before, what made you decide to give it a try?"

"Gavin."

"My Gavin?"

"Do you really have to call him that?"

His disgruntled response drew a soft laugh from Sharon. Andy knew very well that Gavin was gay and he had nothing to worry about on that front. But a jealous Andy Flynn was an adorable Andy Flynn. "You consulted with Gavin?"

"Well, he is one of your best friends. He knows the kind of things you like. When I showed him the website of the resort he said I had to book some time in the spa for a massage. The only massage parlors I know anything about are the ones we used to raid back when I was on Vice in the 80's."

Sharon's hand tensed in his then quickly relaxed.

"What?" he asked, turning his head to look at her. She gave him a little smirk.

"I thought you were going to say the parlors you used to go to."

Andy snorted. "I have a long list of sins but being serviced in massage parlors is not on them. Of course that doesn't mean I don't know the kinds of things that went on there so if you'd like to do a little role playing-"

"Andy!" she cut him off squeezing his hand hard. "Please remember we are not alone."

"Oh yeah. Sorry guys."

Both massage therapists laughed. Andy didn't really seem very sorry at all.

"Well, anyway, Baker was right. Who would have known that having hot rocks pressed into your back would actually feel good?"

"I thought it sounded strange the first time my massage therapist suggested it too," Sharon said. "But I'm glad you listened to Gavin. A romantic couple's massage is the perfect way to spend our afternoon. My muscles could use a break."

They were both lying side by side on separate tables, naked, save for a strategically placed towel over their buttocks. Warm fragrant oils were massaged into their skin, ylang ylang for her and sandalwood for him and hot smooth stones pressed out all the aches and pains in their muscles. Candles created a soft glow and soothing music a sense of calm and peace.

It was just what they needed to cap off three days of nearly constant activity. After day one on the alpine slopes, yesterday had been spent cross country skiing through the woods and open fields surrounding the inn with the rest of the family. Sharon was in very good shape. She worked out frequently, swam almost every day and took yoga and a body barre class, but her muscles were still protesting the vigorous activity. Cross country looked easy, but it was actually a lot of work, a great cardiovascular exercise.

And after all that, this morning they'd had a big breakfast and the whole family, except for Ricky and Rusty, hit the trail along the bluff of the frozen river to try out some snow shoeing.

Much to Sharon's delight Ricky had offered to teach Rusty how to snowboard and Rusty had actually accepted the offer. It had been a rocky beginning between her boys. Rusty had been wary and intimidated by her older, confident and accomplished son and Ricky had been suspicious and jealous of the boy she had come to love and wanted to make her son.

Ricky's reaction to her adopting Rusty had been appalling to Sharon. She'd always prided herself on having raised two kind and compassionate children. But, with a little manipulation from his jealous father and the protectiveness that came from being the only male with a mother and a sister, Ricky had come off as petty and condescending and worst of all for Sharon, lacking in empathy for a boy who had been raised without all the love and care and material advantages that Ricky took for granted.

Still, as shocked and upset as she'd been, she'd also known right away that while it was Ricky speaking, the words coming out of his mouth were pure Jack Raydor. Once she'd cut through Jack's bullshit, laid it all out to Ricky and appealed to his better nature, he had come around as she'd hoped he would. He'd made an effort with Rusty and offered him an olive branch which, happily, Rusty had accepted. And he'd done it again today with the offer of the snowboarding lesson. Ricky was turning out to be a pretty decent big brother.

* * *

"I'm so relaxed, I almost feel like I want a nap." Andy settled heavily on their bed once they were back in their room at the inn.

It was a beautiful room, very romantic. A king sized canopy bed covered in luxury linens, strategically placed directly across from the fireplace. Thick plush carpeting to warm their feet and French doors that opened out to small balcony overlooking the twinkling lights surrounding the frozen pond.

"Mmm…" Sharon hummed. "I can think of something better. How about we try out that Jacuzzi tub?"

"Really? " Andy's eyes lit. "You don't have to ask me twice."

Sharon grinned and shook her head at how quickly that perked him up. She used to think Andy was so unpredictable, but when it came to sex he was very predictable. Predictable and insatiable. Not that she was complaining. Since they'd become lovers Andy had reawakened her libido making her burn in ways she'd never known she could burn. She wasn't ashamed to admit that she'd become quite insatiable herself.

Andy stood and looked at his watch.

"Do you have somewhere else to be?" She asked.

"No…uh…No. I just. I think I'll start a fire so the room will be warm when we're finished."

Sharon's eyes narrowed. She could always tell when Andy wasn't being completely truthful. A knot tightened in her stomach. The look on his face was one she unfortunately knew all too well.

No.

She quickly shoved her suspicions aside with a shake of her head. Andy was not Jack. He did not have ulterior motives for bringing her here. He didn't have a poker game waiting for him or another woman tucked away somewhere.

"Okay, well, I'll go start the tub then."

Andy nodded then got to work at the fireplace. He was still working on getting a fire blazing when his cell phone rang. He answered the phone and glanced toward the bathroom at the sound of the female voice on the other end. "Yes…uh…Yes tonight," he agreed. "But I said I'd call you. Please don't call me again, my girlfriend is with me. I don't want her to know what's going on."

"Andy…"Sharon called from the bathroom. "What's taking you so long?"

"I don't start many fires in LA," Andy called back. "It's taking me a while to get it going."

"Well hurry up, it's lonely by myself in this big tub. I think I'm going to have to get started without you."

Andy froze at the quick image of Sharon pleasuring herself that flashed into his brain, a shot of desire piercing him right in the groin. No way he wanted to miss that.

Quickly he rushed into the bathroom.

A slow sexy smile curved on Sharon's lips. "I thought that might get your attention," she drawled sensuously.

Andy could hardly speak. Sharon was leaning back in the bubbling water, hair piled up on her head. Candles lined the edge of the tub and she teased him by biting the tip of one of the chocolate covered strawberries they'd been given at their massage while her fingertips ran up and down her chest.

"Andy?" She questioned when he continued to stare, mesmerized by the finger moving down her breast. "Would you care to join me?"

"What? "

"I said would you care to join me?" Her thumb came dangerously close to her nipple and all the blood rushed from his head into his cock.

"Oh, hell yeah."

Sharon giggled again watching him tear off his clothes as fast as he could. Yep, her Andy was extremely predictable.

"So, as far as role playing goes, is this the kind of massage you were referring to?"

"Oh Christ, yes." Andy's head fell back on a groan when Sharon's hand closed over him, sliding up and down his rigid length. "So good Shar."

"I thought you might like that." She rose slightly to nuzzle into his neck, giving a surprised gasp of pleasure when one of the jets sent a powerful surge of water between her legs. "Oh God Andy, when we buy a house we have to get a tub like this."

"Anything you want, sweetheart."

Through the haze of pleasure her hand was creating between his legs, he let his mind drift with satisfaction at her reference to their house hunting. He was well aware that he'd pushed the matter a bit by making the decision to put his house in Valencia on the market so he could find a place closer to her Los Feliz condo without consulting her first. He'd figured that if he discussed it with her she might try to talk him out of it. She was trying so hard to keep those last few bricks in the wall that she shielded herself with between them, and he was trying equally hard to tear them down.

It wasn't that she didn't love him, he knew she did. She was just scared. She'd been let down so badly in the past it was completely understandable that she'd have trouble letting a man, even one she loved, completely into the life she'd so carefully constructed for herself and her children. She'd been very open with him about that and he'd tried to be respectful of her request to take things slow. But because of her reticence he knew that if things were going to move forward in their relationship he would most likely be the one to have to take the initiative. And so he had, by putting his house up for sale and tentatively broaching the idea of moving in together.

Sharon's response had been a surprise. Not only hadn't she flatly turned him down, she'd suggested going out to dinner to discuss the matter and before their shrimp potsticker appetizer had even arrived she had agreed to start looking for a home they could purchase together. When his Valencia house had sold more quickly than he'd thought it would Sharon was the one who had suggested that he move in with her, this time into her bedroom, not Rusty's, while they continued to look for a place to buy together. A place big enough for the two of them, Rusty, and enough room for their visiting kids. It was everything he'd wanted. Well, almost everything, he'd just worried that she might have felt pressured.

Sharon's excited and enthusiastic response to the first house they'd toured had put those worries to rest. Before they'd even made an offer she'd already been planning how she was going to decorate. Ultimately they hadn't bought the house because it was infested with black mold, but it had shown him that Sharon was just as excited as he was about buying a house together.

"Andy, did I lose you?" She nibbled on his earlobe while gently cupping and stroking his balls.

"No, not all. " Damn. When she spoke like that, all sultry, low and throaty, his body responded with liquid lust. "I was just thinking, maybe we should take this into the bedroom."

"I think that's probably a very good idea."

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

_You're the Northern Wind  
_ _Sending shivers down my spine  
_ _You're like fallen leaves  
_ _In an autumn night  
_ _You're the lullaby  
_ _That's singing me to sleep  
_ _You are the other half  
_ _You're like a missing piece  
_ _Oh my love  
_ _Oh my love  
_ _Oh my love  
_ _You don't know  
_ _What you do to me_ _  
_

* * *

"Hmmm…Mind if I get rid of this?" Andy's voice was warm against Sharon's ear, his fingers tugging at the clip that still held her hair up.

"No, no," she sighed. "Whatever you want." With Andy thick and deep inside her she didn't really care about much else.

He snapped the clip and tossed it aside, his fingers delving deeply into the tangled silky mass.

They lay on their sides face to face on the big soft bed, their bodies still damp and flushed from their bath. Sharon's knee was bent and thrown over Andy's hip. It was the way they made love late at night after a long hard day at work or long lazy Saturday mornings when they hadn't caught a case, sleepy, slow and sensual, their bodies moving languidly against each other. One of Andy's hands continued to lovingly stroke through her hair while the other lay on the curve of her hip, his fingers digging in firmly to hold her in place while he thrust inside her. Strength and tenderness. It was an intoxicating combination. Though it was impossible to get the deep penetration or the hard forceful thrusts that drove her wild, there was an intimacy and romance in being face to face with Andy that Sharon found extremely seductive.

She loved to watch his eyes, hard, dark and shining with desire suddenly soften to a rich warm caramel when he finally took what he wanted and began rocking inside her, his face tightening with agonized bliss each time she squeezed her inner walls around his pulsing shaft or ran her thumbnail over his flat male nipple, knowing she was responsible for giving him that sublime pleasure.

And his kisses. Oh God, was he a great kisser. Long, soul deep kisses that he continued while he made love her and that left her feeling adored and cherished in ways that went far beyond sexual pleasure. And when they came up for air, as they inevitably must, their gazes locked and Sharon's fingertips traced over the planes of his beautiful face in the same way his traced over hers.

She had his cheek cupped in her palm when he gave her a long, slow smile and tucked a few strands of damp hair back behind her ear. Nothing had ever affected her in the way that sweet, sexy smile did. It had the power to brighten her day, lighten her mood and even tear away at her resolve. It was a smile that could both seduce her and melt her heart all in one instant. And it was infectious. She couldn't help but smile back at him while he ran a thumb over her bottom lip.

"God I love you Andy."

His grin widened at her breathless, heartfelt sentiment and he pulled her thigh further up over his hip for deeper penetration, as if determined to show her just how much he loved her back. With Andy, sex had always been about more than a physical release, it was a genuine expression of his love, of their love.

With my body I thee worship. Sharon had heard those words a hundred times before but until Andy she'd never really lived them. No one had ever worshipped her in the way Andy did, completely and fully, body, mind, heart and soul. And she'd come to worship him the same way.

Clinging to him now, arms and legs wrapped around his torso, fingers digging into the muscles in his back she ground herself into him with frustrated little whimpers. Heeding her call Andy slid a hand between their bodies, his fingers slipping into the warm wet heat where they were joined to begin a circular rhythm over the swollen nub of her clit. That always sent right over the edge. Almost immediately she began to tense, urgent mewling little cries muted against his lips as she rose higher and higher finally shattering in climax.

It took only a few tight squeezes from her orgasm to send Andy following her right over the edge. Gripping her rear in his big hands he pulled her hips up flush to his and with a deep groan into her ear his erratic thrusts seized and she felt him flood her with his own release.

"You did lock the door, didn't you?" Sharon asked. They lay in nude in post coital bliss, the rosy glow from the fire creating shadows over their still entwined limbs.

"I think that's the third time you've asked me."

"I don't want to get caught in flagrante delicto again." Her lips trailed over his sandpaper jaw, down to the small scar on his neck where they'd removed the blood clot. It still chilled her to think how close she'd come to losing him.

"Doesn't that mean naked? We weren't naked. Well, you weren't."

"No, it doesn't mean naked. People just assume that. The proper Latin translation is "in blazing offence" but most times it's used as a euphemism for being caught in the midst of sexual activity–which we were. And you're missing the point."

He chuckled. "I like it when you go all sexy librarian on me. But we have nothing to worry about. Even if I hadn't locked the door, they won't be back until later. They're going to stop to eat at one pubs we saw on the way back from ski slopes. They wanted to give us some time alone"

She lifted a brow. "Really? Was that their idea or yours?"

"Does it really matter?"

"I guess not. So we're on our own for supper?"

"Just you and me baby." He gave her a lascivious wink that made Sharon laugh. "You okay with that?"

"More than okay." Her voice gave a little hitch as Andy softened and slipped from her body. Until Andy she'd never had that feeling before, that little twinge of sadness each time he withdrew from her, like she was losing a small part him. That thought had her pressing her mouth against his chest to muffle a soft laugh.

Andy rolled onto his back, pulling her with him so that she was draped over his chest and asked, "What are you laughing about?

"Oh, nothing really. I was just thinking that each time you slip out of me it's like I lose a little part of you. She cupped a hand over his now softened penis, still damp from their joining. "But I didn't think either you or Joltin'Joe here would appreciate being referred to as "little".

Andy laughed at her cute little smirk. She'd been pretty amused when he'd told her his nickname for his penis. She hadn't been surprised that he'd chosen a baseball player, however, the fact that it was Joe DiMaggio, a dreaded Yankee and not a Dodger had been surprise. DiMaggio had retired before Andy was even born, but according to Andy he'd had five things going for him—he was great, he was Italian, he'd been married to Marilyn Monroe, he was his Nonno's favorite player and, well, it just seemed to be a name befitting that piece of his anatomy. Even Sharon had commented more than once that he was pretty good at jolting her world. "You're right. No man wants the word 'little' to be associated with his cock.

"You don't have anything to worry about on that front. There's nothing little about you, or Joltin Joe," she purred.

"Keep you satisfied, do we?"

"Oh yeah, no complaints here." She snuggled into him toying with his crisp chest hair.

"So, you're not disappointed it's just us for supper?"

"Not at all. I love our large and loud brood but it's nice to have a little quiet "us" time."

"I couldn't agree more. That's why I made reservations at the Inn for just the two of us."

"Mmm…" Sharon's eyes were growing heavy. The massage, the time spent in the Jacuzzi tub and Andy's lovemaking had left her completely satiated, her body entirely relaxed. And the heat from the blazing fireplace was making her sleepy. "Do we have time for a little nap?"

Andy glanced at the clock. It was still early. "Yeah, go to sleep babe. We have plenty of time." She smiled and snuggled in, but Andy didn't sleep. His stomach clenched with nerves. What happened tonight would irrevocably change their relationship, one way or another.

Oh God, what the hell was he thinking?

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

_Giddy yap, giddy yap, giddy yap,  
_ _Let's go, Let's look at the show,  
_ _We're riding in a wonderland of snow.  
_ _Giddy yap, giddy yap, gidd yap,  
_ _It's grand, Just holding your hand,  
_ _We're gliding along with a song  
_ _In a wintry fairy land  
_ _Our cheeks are nice and rosy  
_ _And comfy cozy are we  
_ _We're snuggled up together  
_ _Like two birds of a feather would be  
_ _Let's take that road before us  
_ _And sing a chorus or two  
_ _Come on, it's lovely weather  
_ _For a sleigh ride together with you._ _  
_

* * *

"Andy, is everything all right?"

"Uh, yeah. Why?"

"You seem very distracted. You have since we got back from our massage."

They had a lovely intimate table next to the fireplace in the inn's cozy dining room and a view of the skaters on the pond, yet Andy seemed more focused on the door leading into the inn's lobby. It wasn't like him to be so inattentive. Usually when they had dinner together he was 100% focused on her. Tonight he was distracted and fidgety and non-committal and the only time he acted like that was when he knew he'd done something that would displease her, or when he had to tell her something she wasn't going to like hearing.

Her eyes narrowed with concern. "You sure you're feeling okay?"

"Sharon, it was a pinched nerve that caused a terrible muscle spasm and I couldn't catch my breath."

"Brought on by stress over the shooting. Because it very easily could have been me who was killed instead of Taylor." She'd been standing right beside her boss when he'd been shot and killed.

"And I didn't talk about it with you because you had enough on your plate with the guilt you felt over not feeling bad about killing that Nazi scumbag Darnell. We talked about all this while I was in the hospital. I won't bottle up my emotions anymore and neither will you. Because you do a pretty good job of that yourself."

Sharon's lips twitched with amusement. "You are right about that, Andy. Look, we've both been alone for a very long time. It's natural that it would take some time to get too used to having someone in our lives that we can lean on, that we can count on. But I want us to get there. I want you to know I'm always here for you and I'll always listen to what you have to say, even if I don't agree with you or you just need to vent. You don't need to protect me. Just don't bottle it up inside anymore. It isn't good for your health and it isn't good for our relationship."

He reached across the table taking her hand in his, running his thumb over her knuckles. "And you'll do the same?"

"I'll do the same."

"Oh." Andy let go of her hand like it was a hot potato.

Sharon turned to see what had created that spark of recognition in his eye and saw an attractive blond in the doorway. The woman caught her eye and immediately ducked away. "Andy?" she questioned with a frown as Andy rose from his seat.

"I'll be right back. I just need to use the restroom."

Sharon's stomach knotted, her eyes following Andy toward the direction the blonde had taken-opposite of where the restrooms were. What the hell was going on? There was no way that this was happening. Not with Andy.

Of course it's not like she wasn't well aware of his infamous past history with women. It was certainly no secret that Andy attracted women like bees to honey. She hadn't known him very well when he was on patrol or even after he'd made detective and worked in Vice, then Robbery/Homicide and finally Major Crimes, but she knew who he was and knew his reputation very well. Women talked and many of the women she worked with salivated over the very hot Andy Flynn. Hot being the operative word.

While she hadn't personally had any run-ins with Andy in FID, she knew that he'd been investigated several times but his cases had never been serious enough to make it all the way to her desk. He was known to be smart and passionate, dedicated to his job but also impulsive. It was that impulsive streak and his temper that sometimes got him into trouble. In any case, she also knew of his reputation as a ladies man. Not a crime because he was a single, but it was one of the reasons that she had moved so slowly into a relationship with him. She had to be sure it wasn't just an impulsive decision on his part and that he wasn't going to drop her as soon as he got what he wanted.

Once they'd become friends and then lovers she'd gotten to know him as a person, not just a reputation and she'd found a lonely man living with some very serious regrets. A man who had been trying to fill a very big hole in his heart with a string of affairs that had led him nowhere.

And during the entire time they'd been together she'd never had a reason to doubt him. The impulsive man who went from woman to woman had spent a year pursuing her, going out with her as a friend-no kissing and certainly no sex, or as Andy referred to it, dating without benefits. And then, when she'd finally acknowledged that what they shared was far more than friendship and agreed to officially date him romantically, he'd been very sweet in accepting her boundaries. The Andy who usually ended up in bed with women after a first date, had taken on her request for an old fashioned courtship, dates that ended with kisses rather than between the sheets, with the intensity of a man who knew exactly what he wanted.

And though he was ready for sex long before she was, he was always good natured about it and had never given her cause to worry that he might turn to another woman to get what he wasn't getting from her. He was completely focused on her and on their relationship and because of that she'd come to trust him completely.

She did trust him. So, whatever was going on with that blonde, it couldn't be personal.

When he arrived back at the table he seemed a little rushed, almost jittery.

"Andy, I'd like to know what's going on."

"What? What do you mean? Nothing's going on."

"I'm a detective. I know when someone is hiding something. And I sure as hell know when the man I am sharing my life with is keeping something from me."

"It's nothing, really. Are you finished?"

Sharon nodded and set her coffee mug on the table. Andy signed the bill to be charged to their room.

Still pondering on what was going on with him; Sharon put her jacket back on and stepped out of the inn onto the porch. At the foot of the stairs was one of the Austrian Sleigh's, the two large draft horses that pulled it snorting and stomping their feet in the snow, anxious to get moving. This was a two person sleigh, much smaller than the ones that she'd seen taking out the large groups.

"Your chariot awaits, my lady."

Sharon turned to see a broad grin on Andy's face. "This is for us? Just us?"

"Just us." He began leading her down the porch stairs.

"Welcome," said the man who greeted them at the bottom of the stairs. "I'm Ron and I'll be your coachman tonight. It's a beautiful night for a sleigh ride. You just sit back relax and enjoy the ride. There are blankets in the back to stay warm."

Once seated, Sharon cuddled into Andy and he pulled up the thick faux fur lined blanket and tucked it in around them. The horses took off with a jingle of their harness bells and they began to glide over the snow.

"I can't believe you did this," she said. "Is that what all the checking of your watch and that blonde lady were all about?"

"Yes. I told them I wanted a romantic moonlit sleigh ride with my lady and they worked it all out for me."

"Andy Flynn you really do have a romantic Italian soul."

"So, you're not still jealous the kids did this without us yesterday."

She gave a soft laugh remembering how she'd pouted a little bit when she thought they'd been left out. "No. This is much, much better." She lifted her face to press a kiss to his jaw, murmuring softly against his cold skin, "Though the night was made for loving, And the day returns too soon, Yet we'll go no more a-roving, By the light of the moon."

"Did you just make that up?"

She chuckled. "I wish I were that talented. No, it's Lord Byron."

"The poet?"

"Yes."

"It fits. Though I was thinking more along the lines of, over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go. "

Sharon laughed. "Well, that fits too."

* * *

It was a beautiful night, clear and cold. The stars were bright in the dark sky, the nearly full moon creating blue swaths over the pristine snow covered hills. With jingling bells they made their way along the frozen river and over the open fields into the moon shadowed forest. Once in the woods the flat terrain steadily climbed and by the time they came out of the woods into a clearing they were at the very top of a hill where a large white gazebo sat alight with hundreds of tiny flickering Christmas lights. An oasis of glittering beauty. The sleigh came to a stop and Ron hopped down to help them out.

Andy led Sharon inside the closed in gazebo. It was warm and toasty inside thanks to a woodstove burning in the corner. In the middle of the room sat a small round table covered with a red linen tablecloth. Tall white pillar candles flickered on that table, shining in the crystal champagne flutes and on the silver bucket that held what looked like iced bottles of champagne. If she'd thought the sleigh ride was romantic, well, that appeared to be just the tip of the iceberg.

After warming her hands for a moment over the stove Sharon made her way to front of the gazebo. "Oh Andy," she breathed. "Come look at this view."

The gazebo was perched at the very top of the hill and far below them in the valley was the inn, the pond and the lights of the village.

"It's so beautiful. Like a winter wonderland."

Andy stepped up beside her, but his eyes were on her, not the view. "You're beautiful, Sharon. I've always thought so, even when I felt like you were the wicked witch of FID. But back then I had no idea that you're even more beautiful on the inside than you are on the outside. I thought having you take over Major Crimes was one of the worst things that could happen to me, but it turns out it was the best. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me."

"Oh, Andy." Sharon turned to him leaning forward as if to kiss him, but he pulled back.

"Wait. I have to do this before I lose my nerve."

Sharon's look of adoration turned to one of confusion…Until Andy fell to one knee and she gave a sharp intake of breath. Oh my God. Was this really happening? Was Andy proposing?

Andy pulled out his little police notebook, briefly glanced at it, then stuffed it back in his pocket so he could take her hand and look her directly in the eye when he spoke. "Sorry, I don't want to forget anything."

Sharon smiled through the tears that had filled her eyes the moment she realized what he was doing.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking. About you. About me. About how living together might be just the beginning for us. For so many years now I've felt empty and alone. It's like that dirt bag life coach said. I had a hole in my heart and nothing could fill it. Until you. Now when I look in my heart all I see is you.

I know we don't need a piece of paper to tell us how much we love each other or how committed we are to each other. But I think if we learned anything this year it's that life is short and it can be taken away in an instant.

I know we've got to figure some things out, but the one thing I don't need to figure out is how I feel about you, how much I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side as my wife, not my girlfriend, and I promise I will do my best to make you happy and to be the best husband I can be."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box, holding it out toward her as an offering. By now the tears that had been burning in Sharon's eyes began trailing down her cheeks. "Sharon Elizabeth O'Dwyer Raydor, will you marry me?"

Sharon could hardly speak through the tears clogging her throat. "Yes," she choked. "Oh my God, yes!"

Andy rose and she threw herself in his arms. All her life she'd put her dreams away for someone else. First giving up law school for Jack, and then going into FID for her kids. Now it was her turn to take a chance at something she wanted. And oh, how she wanted a life with Andy. Sweet, sexy, passionate, dependable, romantic, Andy, who loved her as no man ever had.

"Well." When he pulled back from her embrace Sharon saw that she was not the only one moved. Tears shone in Andy's dark eyes, one sliding down his cheek. Slightly embarrassed he quickly brushed it away. "Do you want to have a look at the ring?"

"Oh, yes of course," she laughed. She took the box and opened it gasping at the glittering princess cut diamond inside. "Oh Andy," she sighed. "It's absolutely exquisite."

"It was my Grandmother Flynn's ring, it originally came from Ireland. But they were kind of poor and I wanted this to be your ring, so I brought it to a custom jeweler. He kept the vintage band and made smaller diamonds out of her original diamond, which is what you see on the sides here and then I chose this Princess cut because you said it was your favorite style for engagement rings."

"It is, but when did I say that?"

"One day when we were window shopping last summer. I specifically brought you by a jewelry store so I could get some ideas about what you liked and didn't like. Then I brought Gavin with me shopping because he knows your style pretty well."

"Andy. You were thinking about marrying me last summer? We hadn't even slept together yet."

"Sharon, sleeping with you has never been a deal breaker. Even if you were a dud in bed I'd still want to marry you. "

She gave a surprised laugh. "Gee, thanks Andy."

"You're welcome," he flashed her that naughty little half grin. "Of course, thankfully you aren't a dud. In fact, you're pretty damn amazing in bed. Truth is, I think I've wanted to marry you since our first dance at Nicole's wedding."

"Andy…" she was skeptical.

"Okay, maybe I wasn't thinking marriage then, but I wasn't lying when I said I started falling in love with you that night. It was that night that you stopped being Captain Raydor and became my Sharon."

"Your Sharon?"

"That's how I thought of you. I know you weren't even divorced yet and we weren't even dating. But after that night you were my Sharon, even if it was only in my mind."

"Oh my God, you really are the sweetest man." She reached a hand up to cup his cheek, her heart so filled it felt like it would burst. She couldn't remember a time she'd ever been this happy.

"So, let's try this sucker on." He took the ring out of the box.

"Yes, let's do." Sharon held her hand out and Andy slipped the ring down her slender finger. It fit perfectly. He'd been pretty sure it would. He knew her ring size because he'd taken one of her rings from her jewelry box with him to the jewelers and they'd checked the size for him.

"It is absolutely breathtaking," she said, moving her hand to catch the light from the candles in the diamond. "I love the vintage band and I love that it was your grandmother's and that it came from Ireland. And the diamond is absolutely perfect."

"It reminds me of you, both old fashioned and modern."

She smiled at the comparison. "And it's a custom piece, nobody else in the world has a ring like this."

"One of a kind, just like you."

"Uh, excuse me," they both turned to see the coachman. "I hate to rush you, but we're going to have to head back soon."

"How much time?"

"I can give you about 10 more minutes."

"Perfect."

"By the way, how did it go?"

Andy took Sharon's hand and lifted it, beaming as he wiggled her ring finger. "She said yes."

"Ahh…congratulations. Beautiful place for a proposal, isn't it?"

"The most beautiful," Sharon agreed giving Andy a tender smile.

"If you'd like, I could take some pictures of you."

"That would be great." Sharon handed him her phone and showed him how to take pictures with it while Andy popped the cork from the bottle of champagne and poured Sharon a glass before pouring a glass of sparking cider for him.

"To my beautiful fiancée. I will be counting the days until you are my wife," he said.

"And to my very, very handsome fiancé who planned the most romantic proposal ever. I love you Andy." They touched glasses and kissed while Ron snapped pictures.

* * *

Back on the sleigh Sharon immediately curled back up against Andy, holding her hand out to continue admiring her engagement ring in the moonlight. "The kids are going to be so surprised."

"Well," Andy hedged. "Maybe not so surprised."

"What do you mean? Did you tell them you were proposing tonight?" She couldn't keep the disappointment in her tone out of the question.

"No, not tonight, just sometime in the future."

"And how did that come up?"

"I wanted to get their take on things before I asked you to marry me. I mean I know I didn't need their permission or anything, but I was hoping to get their blessing. I know how important your kids are to you, Sharon, and I knew it was something you'd want too."

"You really do know me, don't you?"

"Guess it helps that we were friends a long time before we were lovers."

"You weren't saying that before we were lovers," she reminded him wryly.

"Yeah, well, you can't blame a guy for a little impatience. Not when he's dating a smart, sassy, sexy woman who wants to take things slow."

"You survived," she grinned.

"And you were worth the wait."

"So, did you get their blessing?"

"I did. Emily was easy. She's ready to start planning the wedding. Rusty, well he sort of expected this since I've been living with you. He's used to us together. Ricky was the toughest."

"Oh. Really?" That surprised her. Ricky and Andy had always gotten on so well. "Was he an ass to you? Sometimes I want to throttle that boy. You know when Jack left there were so many people telling him "you have to be the man of the house now". But I hated that. He was just a little boy and I never wanted him to feel like that. I was the adult, I was the parent. But there are times, especially now that he's older, that he gets a little too full of himself and starts acting like he's my parent not my son."

"Whoa, Sharon, relax. He was fine, really. I get along great Ricky. I always have. He likes me. He thinks I'm good for you. He sees how happy you are. He's just protective of you. They all are. They don't want to see you hurt. They remember what it was like when Jack hurt you and how hard it was on you. They don't want to see it happen again, none of them. Ricky was just the one that made it clear that hurting you might cause me to end up at the bottom of the Pacific."

Sharon shook her head rolling her eyes. "He said that? And I always thought he was a smart boy. You don't threaten the police."

"It's okay. I understand where he's coming from. If anyone ever hurt you, I'd put them at the bottom of the Pacific myself."

Sharon shivered. She wasn't so sure Andy was exaggerating on that point.

"You've got great kids Sharon. They love you very much. All three of them said that after putting them first for so many years you deserve to be happy and if I make you happy, I have their blessing."

"You make me happy," she assured him.

"Good, then that's settled. And you can surprise them with our news."

"I think I want to wait."

Andy's face fell and Sharon quickly took his hand. "Don't panic. Not for long. I'm done with moving slow. I was just thinking, maybe we should wait until Christmas Eve dinner at my parents. We can surprise everyone with the news and it's only a few days away."

"All right. I think I can wait that long."

"Of course that means I'm going to have to take my ring off." She sounded so sad it brought a smile to Andy's face.

"I'm glad you like it so much, sweetheart."

"I love it." And now that she had Andy's ring on her finger the last thing she wanted to do was take it off. "But I suppose I can wait a couple more days to put it on."

"And then it never comes off?"

"Never, never, never."

TBC

.


	7. Chapter 7

_O Christmas tree, o Christmas tree  
_ _Thy leaves are so unchanging  
_ _O Christmas tree, o Christmas tree  
_ _Thy leaves are so unchanging  
_ _Not only green when summer's here  
_ _But also when it's cold and drear  
_ _O Christmas tree, o Christmas tree  
_ _Thy leaves are so unchanging_ _  
_

* * *

"You want to tell me again how we ended up climbing a mountain to look for a Christmas tree? " Andy huffed. He was trudging through snow over a foot deep at a tree farm set on the side of a mountain with a saw in one hand.

Sharon took his free hand and squeezed it. "Because, Clark Griswold, you wanted us to have a fun family vacation."

"I'm not sure what part of this is fun. My toes are numb."

"I told you to use the toe warmers we bought to put in the kids boots but what did you say? Andy? What was it?"

Andy narrowed his eyes and inhaled deeply. "I said I'd be fine."

"Yes you did."

"Where are the kids anyway?" Andy scanned the side of the mountain but all he saw were evergreen trees as far as the eye could see.

"Emily, Nicole, Dean and the boys went that way to look at the Balsams and Ricky and Rusty went down there to check out the Fraser's and we're looking at the Blue Spruce."

"Isn't a Christmas tree just a Christmas tree?"

"Oh no, no, no. Each type of pine has very distinct characteristics. Balsam firs smell the best, Fraser firs are the strongest and Blue Spruce are the prettiest, at least in my opinion. In southern California the most popular is the Douglas fir, that's usually what we get. Didn't you ever go to any tree farms?"

"I grew up in Brooklyn, sweetheart, not too many Christmas tree farms around there. We got our tree from a seller on a corner lot. It was the same guy every year. He used to come down from Nova Scotia to sell his trees. Once I was in California, well, the closest cut your own Christmas tree farm is like two hours from LA."

"An hour and half."

"And you know that because?"

"Because that's where I brought my kids to get our tree when they were growing up. I mean it's Christmas, you have to have a sense of occasion."

Andy grinned. "I have one now. When Nicole was little we used to go this place in Valencia that had pre-cut trees. After the divorce I kept getting a tree and putting it up in my house for Nic. I never got visitation with her on Christmas Day, but I usually had her the day after and sometimes even during the day on Christmas Eve so I did my best to celebrate the holiday when I had her. Then one Christmas she called and said her mother wanted her to spend the whole holiday with her family. That's how she put it, her family. As if I wasn't her family anymore." Anger and pain radiated from Andy.

"You didn't fight it?" Sharon stopped walking and looked up at him, eyes filled with sympathy. It had begun to snow again and little flakes caught on her eyelashes.

"Course I did. I called Sandra and told her she couldn't keep me from my daughter. But she said it was what Nicole wanted. They were going to visit her husband Larry's family in Mexico and Nicole really wanted to go. She said I'd be ruining her Christmas if I "forced" her to stay behind just so I could have my visitation days. So, I let her go. And then they started going every year and there wasn't much reason to put up a tree anymore. Christmas is a time for family and I didn't have one anymore."

"Oh, Andy." Sharon swallowed hard past the lump in her throat.

"Aw, don't cry Sharon. I didn't mean to make you sad." He wiped away the tear that trailed down her cheek with his gloved thumb. "I was sad for a lot of years. Sad and angry. And I made some pretty bad choices because of it. But I'm not that person anymore and I'm not sad or angry anymore. Now I have you and your kids and Nicole is back in my life. I have a family again and I'm happier now than I've ever been, so don't cry, okay?

She nodded but her heart still hurt for him. For all the years he'd been shut out of Nicole's life and for how lonely he'd been. There were two sides to every story and she knew he'd brought some of his pain on himself, but there were times she would love to give Andy's ex-wife a big piece of her mind. Sandra had no idea how lucky she was her child's father wanted so desperately to be a part of her life. She could only wish her own ex-husband had even a smidgen of the desire to spend time with Emily and Ricky that Andy had with Nicole.

"Mom," Ricky called out from somewhere to the right. "Rusty and I found one."

"Okay, we'll be right over. How tall is it? You know your grandmother said 10 feet is the max for the living room."

"This one will be fine."

Ricky and Rusty continued to call out so Sharon and Andy could find them and when they did Sharon shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"That tree has to be close to 15 feet tall." Then she chuckled.

"What?" Ricky asked.

"I just told Andy he was like Clark Griswold and then you show me this tree. You want to put out Gran and Grandpa O' Dwyer's windows out like they did in Christmas Vacation?"

"Oh Mom, it isn't THAT big."

"Russell Thomas Beck, look at this." She showed him the long grooved wooden stick they'd given her at the barn where they'd gotten the saw. "This stick is 10 feet tall."

"You got a RULER. On my God Mom. Could you be anymore anal?"

Andy chuckled watching Sharon handle her boys.

"Yes, I got a ruler. We cannot have a tree higher than 10 feet or the angel won't fit on top." Sharon set the stick in the snow. The tree rose several feet higher than the stick. She smirked at the boys.

"Let's keep looking."

After another hour trudging through the snow they finally all agreed on a 9 foot Balsam fir.

"Okay, now we've got a tree we have to figure out how cut this sucker down," Andy said. He wasn't relishing the idea of lying in the snow to saw down the tree. Using a shovel Ricky had gotten at the barn-the kid was an old pro at this kind of stuff-they shoveled out enough snow that two people could lie on either side of the tree and use the two- handed saw.

They took turns, Andy and Dean and Ricky and Rusty so they didn't have to lie for too long in the snow and get their jeans soaked. At least that's the excuse Sharon gave when the men went all cavemen and said THEY would cut the tree down. The women were smart enough not to argue and thus they stayed dry and warm. But the truth was Sharon didn't want Andy exerting himself too much and aggravating the pinched nerve in his neck again. However, she needed to convey that in a way that she wouldn't be accused of babying him. Her tendency to be overprotective once he'd left the hospital had been a sore spot between them for a couple months and she really was trying to let go of her fears. It wasn't easy. There were nights when she closed her eyes and she could see Andy crumpling to the floor, his hand over his chest. Even worse, the look of sheer terror in his eyes when she'd touched his cheek and called his name. He thought he was going to die, and so had she, and he might be over it, but she wasn't. Not by a long shot.

Laying on the ground working at the saw, Andy's wool vest and sweater rose baring the skin of his lower back and snow began working its way into the back of his pants. Why the hell had he offered to help cut this damn tree down? Oh yeah, to show Sharon he was still the same guy he'd been before he'd been stupid enough to jump on a moving vehicle and ended up with a blood clot that was still creating health issues for him.

Finally Dean agreed they had enough cut and he shoved at the tree calling "Timberrrr…." as it fell. When Andy sat up, his face and hair were covered in wet pine needles. Sharon couldn't contain the giggle that rose in her chest. And once she started laughing, everyone joined in.

"Well, I'm glad you all find this amusing," Andy grumbled. "Next year we go to a tree lot." But then his eyes caught Sharon's and she saw the twinkle of amusement as he turned to Tyler and Scott.

"So you boys think this is funny?"

They nodded.

"Really funny?"

"Really funny," they agreed.

Andy looked at Dean and then the two men each grabbed a boy and pulled them down to wrestle in the snow much to their shrieking delight.

Proving that they were no shrinking violets, and against the objecting males in the family, Emily and Nicole took control of pulling the heavy tree along through the snow to the main trail where they were met by a man and two Bernese Mountain Dogs. The dogs were hooked to the tree and easily pulled it back to the side of one of the barns where men were netting the trees and piling them up.

"If you're staying a while we can just put a tag on your tree with your name and you can pick it up when you leave."

"That would be great," Sharon said. "We wanted to look around the barn."

"And we want some s'mores and kettle corn," the boys told him.

"All right, tag it it is."

Once the tree had been tagged, they went inside the first barn. Sipping hot chocolate they meandered around the different stalls filled with a variety of crafts, most of them Christmas oriented. A young woman sat in the corner of the barn next to a big pot bellied woodstove playing Christmas carols on a violin. At the moment it was "What Child is This", one of Sharon's favorites. Though as her kids were fond of saying, they were all her favorites, she just loved Christmas music.

"What are you buying?" Andy asked when he found her at the cash register.

"Just a new ornament for the tree."

He looked down and grinned. "Another angel? Don't you think you have enough of those?"

Ricky, Emily and Rusty looked up from their own purchases with raised brows. "You can never have too many angels," they responded in unison, then burst into laughter at their combined response.

"Ahh…my children, I've trained you well." Sharon beamed at the three of them.

Andy shook his head in amusement. "Did you want to check out the other barn?" he asked.

"Might as well, we're here."

The second barn was filled with the woodsy scent of balsam firs from the many hanging Christmas wreaths, kissing balls, sachets and door draft stoppers.

"Do you think we should get my parents a wreath?" Sharon asked Andy while critically assessing a large wreath with a big red and green plaid bow. Though they were still in New Hampshire they were on their way to Connecticut. Sharon had told her parents they would bring the Christmas tree with them. Her parents were still healthy and active but now that they were reaching their mid eighties they were quite pleased with not to have to go out and get their own tree.

"Why don't you call them and see if they have one yet?"

"If I know my mother, I'm sure they do. But I guess it doesn't hurt to ask." Sharon pulled out her phone. "Besides, they'll be happy to know we're on our way." She hit the number for her parents and gave Andy a funny look. "What are you up to?" Her eyes narrowed with suspicion.

"Me?" He shrugged with exaggerated innocence. "What could I be up to?"

"I don't know, but you have that look on your face."

"What look? I don't have a look."

"Andy, trust me. You have a look." She reached out to pick a few more pine needles from his hair when her mother answered her call and she became absorbed in the conversation. After a few minutes on the phone she slipped it back into her coat pocket.

"They have a wreath," she said and had just turned to place the one she'd picked back on its hook when Andy twisted her back around in his arms.

"What are you doing?" She asked on a little gasp. He gave her a mischievous look and she followed his raised eyes to the sprig of greenery he held over her head.

"Mistletoe," he said. "You have to kiss me."

Her lips gave a sexy little quirk. "You don't need mistletoe to make me kiss you," she said just as Andy's lips covered hers.

"Are you guys kissing AGAIN?" Tyler complained as he and Scott came around the corner. The boys had already caught their step-grandfather and his girlfriend smooching on a bench outside while waiting for their hot chocolate.

"Kissing is yucky." Scott wrinkled his nose.

Andy laughed and tweaked that nose." One day you won't think kissing is so yucky. Especially if you find a girl as pretty as Sharon."

"Girls are yucky."

Sharon gave them a little pout of mock sadness. "You think I'm yucky?"

"Not you," Tyler assured her. "We LIKE you."

"Oh thank God, you boys had me worried for a minute."

The boys grinned at her and then Tyler took her hand and began tugging at her. "Mom and Dad said we had to wait for you and Papa Andy to make s'mores. Can you come now?"

Sharon gave Andy a little shrug as Scott grabbed his hand and began tugging him along too. "Looks like it's time to go Papa Andy," she said.

To the left of the barns small firepits dotted the landscape. Around them people stood warming their hands and toasting marshmallows to make their s'mores. Not far from the edge of the parking lot a woman was stirring a giant black kettle popping the kettle corn they were selling in a small shack next to where she made it.

While making their s'mores they watched big draft horses pulling wagonloads of people over the trails that wound their way through the tree farm. Tyler and Scott wanted to go for a ride but because they'd already had a horse drawn sleigh ride and Andy and Sharon really wanted to reach Connecticut before suppertime they didn't stand in line for a ride. They did however purchase big bags of maple flavored kettle corn before picking up their tree and hitting road south to Connecticut.

The stop at the tree farm had not only broken up the 5 hour drive, it had tired the boys out enough that they had both fell asleep by the time they reached the Massachusetts border.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Note-I always like to have actors and actresses in my head for my original characters. So, just for reference these are the people I'd have playing Sharon's family.

Colleen O'Dwyer (Sharon's Mom)-Ellen Burstyn

Judge William O'Dwyer (Sharon's Dad)-Gregory Peck (I know he's dead but it's fanfic and I totally could see Sharon being raised by Atticus Finch)

Christine O'Dwyer Simmons (Sharon's sister) Dana Delaney

Ed Simmons (Sharon's brother in law) Brian Dennehy

 _I'll be home for Christmas  
_ _You can count on me  
_ _Please have snow and mistletoe  
_ _And presents on the tree  
_ _Christmas Eve will find me  
_ _Where the love light gleams  
_ _I'll be home for Christmas  
_ _If only in my dreams  
_ _Please have snow and mistletoe  
_ _And presents on the tree  
_ _Christmas Eve will find me  
_ _Where the love light gleams  
_ _I'll be home for Christmas  
_ _If only in my dreams  
_ _If only in my dreams_ _  
_

* * *

"This is where you grew up?" Following Sharon's directions, Andy turned into a long driveway. Once he parked, he turned to her with raised brows. He knew Sharon had grown up with money but the large brick Colonial home sitting up on the knoll of a long sloping front yard was still a surprise. A single candle burned in each of the many windows and big festive wreaths did indeed adorn the doors. It was a classic, elegant home. A home that befit the classic, elegant woman to whom he was now engaged.

"Home sweet home," she smiled.

"It's huge."

"I know it looks big but actually," she snapped her seatbelt off. "By Greenwich standards it's a pretty modest house."

Andy nodded. He had seen some of the ostentatious mansions as they were driving into the quaint tree-lined downtown area of the city. "Like Beverly Hill's in Connecticut."

"Pretty much. There are a lot of celebrities who live here because we're so close to Manhattan and right on Long Island Sound."

"Mom, this was your house?" Rusty's eyes widened with awe as he met her in the driveway. "And there was only you and your brother and sister."

"Yes."

"It's an absolutely beautiful home Sharon," Nicole said. "But are you sure we wouldn't be better off staying in a hotel?"

"Oh, no, there's plenty of room."

"That's not what I'm worried about. The boys, they're so young, they rough house and well, I just don't want them breaking anything."

Sharon smiled. "It's a home Nicole, not a museum."

"Yeah," Ricky said. "Em and I did plenty of rough housing here growing up. Gran always said she just put away the good antiques when we came for a visit."

"There really isn't anything to worry about; my parents are thrilled to have everyone here for the holiday. They'd be very disappointed if you didn't stay."

As if the conversation had been heard inside, the front door was flung open by an attractive older woman, her short wavy white hair perfectly coiffed and still retaining a faded hint of the auburn of her youth. "Oh, they're here William,"she cried out with excitement. "They're here! "

Ricky and Emily rushed up to the house throwing themselves into their grandmother's open arms. When Rusty continued to stand tentatively behind his more gregarious siblings, Colleen stretched an arm out to him.

"Rusty Beck, you get over here and give your grandmother a hug. " She sounded very much like Sharon at her most bossy. Rusty complied with a shy smile, finally laughing when she pulled him in with Emily and Ricky.

Sharon held back, letting her mother get in all the hugging and cheek pinching with her grandkids before stepping forward into a gentler embrace.

"Mom." She kissed her mother's soft cheek, inhaling the faint scent of her Chanel perfume. Her mother had worn that same perfume since Sharon was a child and it was a scent she would always associate with "mother".

"Oh, Sharon." Colleen O'Dwyer cupped her daughter's precious face in her hands. "It's so good to have you all here."

"Well, we're excited to be here."

"Colleen you think we might want to let them all inside to warm up? They do have that thin California blood, you know."

They all looked up at the tall stern looking white haired man who seemed to fill the doorway, a Golden Retriever at his side.

"Daddy," Sharon beamed. The stern features softened into a tender smile.

"Munchkin," he said, crushing his daughter in a bear hug.

"Munchkin?" Nicole mouthed the word to an amused Andy.

"William is right," Colleen said. "You must be freezing. Please come inside everyone."

Once inside Sharon began the introductions.

"I know you've all talked on skype, but Mom, Dad, I'd like you to formally meet Lieutenant Andrew Patrick Flynn. Andy, my parents William and Colleen O'Dwyer."

"It's nice to finally meet you in person Judge and Mrs. O'Dwyer. "Andy held out his hand.

"Oh, none of that formality Andy. You're living with our daughter, you're family." Colleen opened her arms to give him a hug. Andy could definitely see where Sharon got her nurturing warmth. "We are William and Colleen, none of that Judge and Mrs. Stuff." She let him go and while Sharon made the introductions for Nicole, Dean and the boys, William shook his hand. His greeting was far less effusive than Colleen's was. Not that he was unfriendly, just more reserved. Andy wasn't sure if a certain eyeballing was just a protective father sizing up his daughter's boyfriend or if it was the mention of he and Sharon living together that had raised William's hackles. The O'Dwyer's were devout Catholics so he was not sure how well that arrangement had gone over with them.

"We're so happy to have little children in the house again," Colleen was saying to Nicole and her family. "I made some gingerbread men today and I thought after supper we could decorate them and have them for dessert. Also, William and I took out the old train set that used to belong to our son and that Ricky and Emily loved playing with when they were your age. Once we get you all settled in your bedrooms you can come down and play, would you like that?"

Both boys nodded with excitement. "Can we Mom?"

"I don't see why not."

"Where do you want us all, Mom?" Sharon asked.

"Well, Nicole, Dean and the boys can have the side by side guest rooms. Emily usually stays in your old room but she can stay in Christine's and Ricky and Rusty can stay in Richie's so you and Andy can have yours." Living in New York City, Emily was a frequent visitor to her grandparent's home. And although it was hard on Sharon to have her beloved daughter living on the other side of the country, knowing that her parents were close by and that Emily had a close relationship with them did at least give her some peace of mind about it.

"Perfect." Sharon gave Andy an "I told you so" lift of the brow. He had been sure that her mother would put them in separate rooms, but Sharon had been pretty clear with her parents about her and Andy living together and she felt her mother would respect that. Judge O'Dwyer was another story altogether. Andy was quite sure he had seen the old man wince when Colleen mentioned where he was sleeping. Fathers never changed; their little girls would always be their little girls.

The interior of the house was just as lovely as the exterior. Shining hardwood floors covered by plush Persian carpets in deep jewel colors, antique furniture, wall sconces, paintings in gilt frames, brick fireplaces and chandeliers. It all spoke of understated elegance and in many ways reminded Andy of Sharon's tastefully decorated condo, though with different styles of course

However, Sharon was right, it was not a museum, it was also warm and comfortable. The entire house smelled of cinnamon, vanilla and ginger-much like when Sharon made gingerbread cookies back home. There was a big comfortable leather couch in front of the blazing fireplace and there were plenty of family pictures along the staircase leading to the second floor. Andy looked forward to getting the chance to look at all the pictures and get a glimpse into Sharon's childhood, which had obviously been very, very different from his.

"This is me," Sharon said while opening the door to the last room at the end of the hall on the second floor. Andy couldn't contain his grin as they entered Sharon's girlhood room. While not left in a creepy shrine sort of way it did hold the ghost of a teenage girl. Colleen said that they had not changed it very much since Sharon had left for college, other than repainting a couple times and taking down her pin ups of the Beatles and David Cassidy. The walls were pale lavender, the furniture all black and white. A braided rug in varying shades of purple lay over the mahogany wood floor and a white quilt with little black and lavender sprigs covered the full sized bed. Sheer black curtains with embroidered white flowers adorned windows that looked out over Long Island Sound in the distance. The only artworks left on the walls from Sharon's younger years were two large framed posters of Mikhail Baryshnikov and Rudolph Nureyev. Along another wall there was a large bookcase, empty now save for a few well-known best sellers and classics that Colleen placed there for guests.

"When Sharon lived in this room that case was crammed with books. Anne of Green Gables, Little Women, What Katy Did, all the Laura Ingalls Wilder and Judy Blume books, Nancy Drew, To Kill a Mockingbird, Catcher in the Rye…Oh my, did she love to read."

"Still does." Andy grinned.

"When I have the time." Sharon wandered over to the small roll top desk where she'd done her homework as a child and the vanity table where she'd sat as an adolescent looking into the mirror wondering when she might actually get boobs and her period like her best friend Lisa Connell who always seemed to be a few steps ahead of her, then later as a teen grimacing and bemoaning her braces. God, she would never want to relive those years again.

"What's this?" Andy asked seeing a box on the floor next the bureau. Sharon joined him and began picking through it.

"This is all my stuff, from when I was a kid."

"Your father and I have been going through the attic cleaning out a lot of old things. I made boxes for you and Chrissie to go through. You can decide what you want to keep and what you want to throw out."

Sharon wasn't listening; she was already lost in her memories, pulling things out of the box. First was a pair of pale pink Pointe shoes, obviously well used. "My old Pointe shoes," she said.

"The apple didn't fall far from the tree," Colleen said to Andy. "Before Emily became a professional ballerina her mother was quite the dancer. She probably could have gone pro herself if the law hadn't been her greater passion."

"Mom, I was never as good as Emily," Sharon protested.

"Only because it wasn't your passion the way it is hers. You just loved it."

"I did love it."

Andy found himself wishing he could see Sharon dance. Not like in his arms, he had done that with her plenty of times and she was so graceful and light on her feet, but he would love to see her dance like the ballerina she had once been. She still took a barre class so he doubted she was very rusty.

Next, with a big grin, Sharon pulled out a large gold letter S.

"What is that?" Andy asked.

"It's like the M Mary Richards had up in her apartment."

Andy continued to look at her blankly.

"Didn't you ever watch the Mary Tyler Moore show?" she asked.

"I guess, yeah I'm sure I did. Yes, I remember that clown episode. You know, when he died."

"Chuckles the clown. Oh, that's a classic."

"Mary Tyler Moore was Sharon's favorite show." Colleen took the letter from Sharon with a smile, her eyes going soft with memories. "She and Chrissie. They'd plunk their little bottoms down in front of the TV every Saturday night to watch."

"I idolized Mary Richards," Sharon admitted. "I took that S with me when I went I went to college and put it up in my dorm room. Speaking of college, you still have my tassels?" She pulled out two cords and tassels one gold and the other gold and maroon.

Andy took one, examining it. "What did you get those for?"

"The gold one is from high school, for National Honor Society."

"And the gold and maroon is what she got for graduating summa cum laude from Boston College." Colleen fairly beamed with pride in her eldest daughter while Sharon flushed a little. She had never been comfortable with people gushing over her.

Andy was impressed, but not surprised. Unlike him, Sharon rarely did anything in half measure. He had gone to San Diego State on a baseball scholarship and while he had aced his criminology classes because the topic fascinated him, when it came to classes that didn't fascinate him he rarely put much effort in and did just enough to skate by and get his degree so he could apply to the police academy. However, Sharon was the kind of person who would buckle down and ace even the classes she hated.

"Well," Sharon said rising. "It's getting late. We can go through the rest of that stuff later."

"Definitely later." Andy grinned and picked up a large scrapbook. "I can't wait to look through these pictures of you as a kid."

"Great." Sharon's grimace made him laugh.

"Okay then," Colleen said. "I'll leave you to unpack. I figured you'd all be tired traveling all day so I made a nice big pot of creamy clam chowder, got the clams fresh today down at the fish market. I'll heat up some brown bread and johnnycake to go with it. Give you a nice taste of New England for your first night."

"Thanks Mom, we'll be down in a little bit to help you set the table."

"So," Andy said once Colleen left. "I'm happy to admit that I was wrong about your mom letting me sleep with you."

"I'm not sure she'd put it that way, but I told you I've been very upfront with them about you moving in with me and I am well past the age of answering to them."

"Oh, we have a little rebellious streak do we? " Andy wrapped his arms around her waist and grinned down at her. "Tell me, did pretty Sharon O' Dwyer sneak boys into this pretty room of hers?"

Sharon scoffed. "Of course not, Andy, I was a good Catholic girl." His grin widened and she slapped at his arm. "I WAS," she insisted.

"That's not why I'm smiling," he said.

"Then what?"

"I'm smiling because you're pretty much the only woman I know that I would believe when she said she was a "good Catholic girl."

Sharon rolled her eyes. In her younger years she might have been embarrassed to be labeled a "good girl" worried that people would find her boring or less sophisticated or might taunt her with it as Jack had a time or two, but now she was completely comfortable in her own skin. There was nothing wrong in a woman being selective about whom she let into her life…and into her bed. She was who she was and she wasn't going to change.

"But," he continued while running his thumb over her bottom lip. "Tonight I think I'd like to see just how good you really are."

"You might be surprised."

"Let's just hope these walls aren't too thin."

Sharon shook her head. Leave it to Andy.

"But before all that I do have one big question."

"Yes?"

"What the hell is brown bread?"

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

_Oh, there's no place like home for the holidays,_

 _For no matter how far away you roam_

 _When you long for the sunshine of a friendly gaze,_

 _For the holidays - you can't beat home, sweet home_

* * *

"So, munchkin?"

In bed, curled up in Andy's arms, her fingertips playing with his chest hair, Sharon could feel his smile against her forehead and nuzzled into his shoulder. "Somehow I knew you wouldn't let that one go. Why is it that no matter how old you get when you come home you still feel like a kid?"

"I don't know, but it's true."

"I mean I'm in charge of my life in LA. I put murderers behind bars, but every time I walk through those doors I'm that skinny little girl looking in the mirror every morning to see if my breasts finally started to grow."

Andy gave a soft chuckle, his hand sliding up over her ribs to cup over a warm full mound. "And thankfully they did."

She smiled and rested her hand over his, grounding her in the present even as her mind began to wander nostalgically as it often did when she came home to Connecticut. "My life was so influenced by growing up in this house." She mused. "Did I ever tell you that my grandfather was part of the American contingent in the Nuremberg Trials?"

"He was? No, you didn't. So, like, putting Nazi's on trial runs in the family."

"Apparently so. How sad is it that I'm still fighting a battle against the same kind of people that my grandfather tried to put away 70 years ago."

"Ah, sweetheart, there's always going to be evil in the world, no matter how hard we try to clean it up. The world is full of dirt bags." He pressed a kiss to her temple.

"Hmmm…I guess I shouldn't be surprised, should I?"

"I think the day we can't be surprised anymore is the day we need to walk away. I've been working homicides for 23 years and there are still times the dirt bags can surprise me. My father was barely 18 years old when he landed in Normandy. He fought all the way to Germany. He liberated a concentration camp with Patton. And he hardly ever talked about it. I wish I could have met your grandfather. I bet he had some interesting stories."

"He did. So did my parents. Before he was a judge, my dad was a civil rights attorney and my mother was always involved in social justice issues so you can imagine what our dinner conversations were like. I grew up thinking I'd go to law school and get out there and change the world, make it better."

"Was your father very disappointed when you chose to join the LAPD instead of going to law school like you'd planned?"

"Well, it wasn't so much a choice as a necessity." A negative hum rumbled in Andy's chest, vibrating against her cheek. He knew her history with Jack-how he'd reneged on his promise to put her through law school after she'd done her bit and gotten him through. "I did come to love what I do and it ended up being a great fit for me, but I think my not going to law school disappointed my mother more than my father."

"Really? I didn't get that kind of impression from your mom." Colleen O'Dwyer had been so open and welcoming; Judge O' Dwyer on the other hand had been a little more circumspect.

"My mother dropped out of college to marry my father so it was very important to her that Chris and I get our degrees and follow our dreams."

"You think she gave up her dreams to marry your dad?"

"Maybe, some of them. But that's the way it was back then. Most women in college in the 50's were there more to get an MRS than they were to get a BA or BS. Not that I think she regrets marrying my dad. They have a great marriage, the kind I'd dreamed about having, but I think she regrets not getting that degree. It's crazy really. She is a very successful woman. She helped my father tremendously when he was just starting out and she raised three children. She's an amazing mother and she's always been very engaged in the community. When I was a child, she was always raising money for some cause or another. But for her it wasn't just about writing and collecting checks, she got down in the trenches."

"What kinds of things was she involved in?"

Sharon lifted her head to gauge his level of interest. "Do you really want to know or are you just asking to be polite?"

He snorted. "I'm not that polite, Shar. I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't interested. Everything about you interests me."

Sharon swallowed past the quick lump that formed in her throat. How had she been so lucky to find a guy like Andy? "It was mostly through our church. People think everyone in Greenwich is rich, but there are poor people here too and there are far less services and resources available to them than for those in big cities with high poverty rates. My mother became a Vincentian, delivering food and clothing to the needy, feeding the homeless, visiting the elderly in nursing homes and the sick in hospitals. She also worked in the thrift store at St. Marys. She used to make Chrissie and I help out sorting clothes at the store on Saturday mornings."

"Oh yeah. How'd you feel about that?" He had a lot of experience being roped into doing things you didn't want to do. As a kid, he'd been frequently asked to help out at his grandparents small Italian restaurant when he would much rather have been playing stickball with his friends.

"At first Chrissie and I did a lot of complaining about having to get up early on a Saturday. It was the only day we didn't have to get up early for school or for catechism and mass. My mother wasn't too pleased with our attitude and took us over to our closets pointing out all the nice clothes we had and reminding us how lucky we were. She made sure we knew that there were girls our age who never got Manhattan shopping trips to Bloomies and Saks and Macy's and if they didn't have the thrift store they would never be able to have new clothes, well, at least clothes that were new to them."

"Yeah, well, I know how that feels. I grew up in hand me downs, but we didn't have to go to the church's thrift store. I had an older brother and dozens of cousins whose clothes got handed down to me when they outgrew them, but I never had much choice in what I wore."

Sympathy radiated in Sharon's eyes as she gave him a tender smile. It was no wonder Andy had become the well-dressed peacock of Major Crimes. His wardrobe of colorful, attractive, good quality clothing was apparently in compensation for a childhood lacking in choice. "You've certainly made up for that now," she said.

He grinned. "I guess I have. So, how did it go with you and your sister helping at the store?"

"Actually, we ended up enjoying it. My mother had convinced a local department store to donate some mannequins so we could make it look like a regular boutique, you know, to try to alleviate some of the stigma of shopping in a thrift store. I found that I loved putting outfits together on the mannequins. My mother said I had very good sense of color and style."

"She wasn't wrong about that." His fashionista fiancée had a walk in closet filled with designer labels; Armani power suits, and Michael Kors dresses, Von Furstenburg eveningwear and Burberry trench coats. Her sweaters were cashmere, her tank tops and lingerie, silk. Her shoe rack was filled with expensive killer heels and stilettos, Manolo, Laboutin, Ferragmo-even her casual wear, jeans and t-shirts and boots were Rag and Bone and Ralph Lauren. Sharon didn't overbuy and she wasn't obsessed with labels, for her it all came down to good quality, comfort and fit and she was very clever at using the nice pieces she had to create different outfits.

"My mother is so loved in our church and our community. She's done so much good and helped so many people but to this day, I think she regrets not having her degree and not having options when it came to a career. So, I know everyone thinks that when I decided to put off Yale law to marry Jack and help him get through UCLA that my father was the most upset. He wasn't. He wasn't happy, mainly because he wasn't a big fan of Jack's but it was my mother who was crushed. I think she saw some parallels between us. I was 20 when I met Jack, the same age she was when she married my dad."

"But you didn't drop out of college to marry him. You graduated…with honors."

Andy's easy pride in her never failed to amaze her. "Yes, but she knew my dream didn't end there. She knew I wanted law school and when I said I was going to marry Jack and follow him to California to put him through school first she was afraid I was giving up my dreams on a man she felt was not worthy. Those were her exact words. 'Sharon I hate to see you giving up on your dreams for a man who is just not worthy. I don't want to see you have regrets.' I was so hurt and so angry with her for saying that. I wanted so badly to prove her wrong. But she was right about Jack. Even if I hadn't gotten pregnant, I doubt he ever really intended on coming back east and putting me through Yale. He turned out to be such a huge disappointment."

"So, do you regret marrying him?"

"I have regrets, of course. I don't think you can get to be our age without having regrets. I regret that Jack didn't turn out to be the man that I thought he would be, that I needed him to be. I regret that my children grew up without a father. But I don't regret marrying him, no. In spite of whatever pain and disappointment he brought to my life, I wouldn't have Emily and Ricky if I hadn't married him. I wouldn't have moved to LA, I wouldn't have joined the LAPD, I wouldn't have had Rusty come into my life and I never would have met and fallen in love with you. So, God bless the broken road, right? "

Andy slid his thumb under her chin and gently lifted her face so he could lean down and touch his lips to hers. "God bless the broken road," he agreed.

Besides," she laid her head back on his shoulder, enjoying the feel of his fingers stroking through her hair. "Going through what I did with Jack made me who I am today. As you can see from all of this." Her gesture encompassed the house. "I grew up pretty sheltered from the hardships of the world. Because of Jack, I had to grow up very fast and learn to be independent and self- reliant. I had to take full control and responsibility for my finances, my children and my career. It made me stronger and resilient. I'm proud of that."

"You should be." Part of his attraction to Sharon had been her complete confidence. Sexy and confident were a pretty intoxicating combination in his book. "But you have more than that to proud of."

"Hmmm…"

"You said you wanted to be a lawyer to change the world, but you do change the world, Sharon, every day. You take the dirtbags off the streets, you protect the people of LA from threats they don't even know exist and you give the family of the victim's closure. You make the world, at least our little corner of it, a better place. And-"He raised her hand, kissing the back of it. "You sure as hell make my world a better place, every single day."

* * *

After showering and shaving, Andy padded quietly back down the hall to the bedroom he and Sharon were sharing, careful not wake the other inhabitants on the second floor. Stepping through the door, he paused. Sharon was standing by the window, her hand outstretched to allow the early morning sunlight to catch in her diamond. The smile that curved on his face at seeing her admiring her engagement ring faded when he saw a tear slowly trail down her cheek. That tear nearly knocked the wind out of him.

"Sharon?"

Sharon turned to see Andy standing hesitantly in the doorway. He was still in his plush green bathrobe, his hair wet and spiky from his shower, his brow furrowed with concern. Quickly she swiped the tear from her cheek and gave him a wobbly smile.

Andy set his toothbrush down on the bureau and moved to her. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying."

"I saw you."

"That was just a tear."

Andy rolled his eyes. "A tear is crying Sharon. So, what's making you sad? If you don't like the ring we can change it for something you might like better, or…"Sharon cut him off by placing her fingers over his lips.

"Andrew Flynn. I love this ring. Why do you think I took it out to admire it? I can't wait to show everyone and to be able to wear it every day."

"So, you aren't having second thoughts?"

"Of course not. I want to marry you, Andy."

There it was again, that look of sadness clouding the usual bright sparkle in her eyes.

"What is it then? Why do you look so sad?"

"I was just thinking about our wedding."

"And that made you sad?" She was confusing the hell out of him. Did she want to marry him or didn't she?

"A little. Like you said when you proposed, we love each other, we trust each other, we're committed to each other and we don't need a piece of paper to prove that. We're already emotionally and physically joined, the only thing missing is the spiritual element. When I think about marrying you I see the two of us at the altar at St. Joseph of Nazareth with Father Stan blessing us, joining us as one."

"I see that too, and I'm happy to marry you wherever you want. I just want you to be my wife and I want to be your husband."

"Andy, it's not going to be that easy. We're both divorced Catholics. We can't marry in the church and if we get married outside of the church, we'll be denied the sacraments. I know that may not be important to you but-"

"But it is to you. I know that, Sharon. There has to be some way to make this work."

"Annulments, but that isn't going to be so easy either."

"You don't think Jack will give you an annulment? After all the shit he's put you through, you think he'd deny you your happiness?"

"Have you met Jack? " Her lips twisted wryly and she turned to stare out the window at the glimpse of Long Island Sound in the distance. Her relationship with Jack was so complicated and she'd made it even more so by staying married to him for so many years, even if they were legally separated. At the time, it had seemed like the best decision, the only decision.

Financially she couldn't afford to divorce Jack. It had taken years to build back her savings after he'd stolen it and to un-entangle herself from his debt. If she divorced him, he would be entitled to half of her savings and half of everything they owned. At the time that included their house. Her children's home. There was nothing more important to her than protecting her children. Jack had never been interested in raising their kids, but she couldn't take the chance that he might fight for joint custody just to spite her. She wouldn't put it past him. When Jack was threatened, he could be as nasty as he was charming, and she couldn't risk that, not with the instability in his life and his drinking. By staying married to him, he could visit Emily and Ricky in the safety of her home, under her careful supervision.

But there was more to it than that. There was a dirty little secret that many women would understand. Staying married to Jack didn't only protect her children. It protected her as well-especially before she'd begun weeding out all the bad seeds in the department. As a woman, an attractive woman, in a male dominated profession, there were far too many times that promotions came with propositions and that the bruised egos of the male colleagues who asked her out resulted in creating animosity and enemies. Being able to say she was a married woman gave her an out—and she'd had to use it, more times than she liked to remember.

But of all the reasons she'd stayed in a marriage that had been dead for years, the toughest to admit to was her pride. She didn't fail at very many things, was in fact uncomfortable with failure, so it had taken many years for her to admit that her marriage had failed. That SHE had failed. She was a roll your sleeves up and fix it kind of woman and the acceptance that she couldn't fix Jack had been hard won.

Still, for all her good intentions, her unwillingness to take that final step that would sever her completely from Jack had come with consequences. Because they weren't officially divorced, Jack still considered her his wife and as such, he returned to her periodically. She was his enabler, his lifeboat, his safety net. She was the person he turned to each time he hit rock bottom. And as irritated as she often was with his invasion into her life, she was always there for him, ready to lend him money, help him find a rehab or an apartment or even to let him stay with her, platonically, until he could get back on his feet. She'd long since fallen out of love with Jack, but she still cared about what happened to him and there was no doubt that he could be charming, especially when he was down on his luck and trying to wheedle his way back into her good graces. He had a way of making her feel sorry for him and he was the father of her children. While she was no longer interested in a relationship with him, she did want him to have some kind of relationship with their kids, a sentiment that he used to his advantage. He took her for granted, thought she'd always be there to help him and he hadn't liked losing that when she divorced him and changed her locks. Jack needed her in ways she hadn't needed him since he'd walked out the door along with their savings and left her with two young children, debts and a mortgage.

"He didn't fight you on the divorce, maybe he'll surprise you."

"Oh, he would have fought me. He threatened to take half my savings and half my pension in the settlement. "

"You never told me that." Andy shook his head with disgust.

"No, I didn't."

"Why not?"

" Because it was my battle to fight and you wouldn't have let it go. There is already enough tension between you and Jack, the last thing I needed at that point was you going after him."

Andy sighed. She was right. It was no secret that Sharon's ex-husband knew how to push his buttons and could set him off in a heartbeat. "He is such a fucking prick, Sharon."

"You aren't telling me anything I don't know. The only reason he didn't fight me on the divorce was because I threatened to take him to court for all the back child support he never paid me if he did." In the end, he'd signed the divorce papers without contesting, money having won out yet again, over whatever feelings he had for her. And she didn't doubt that, despite the absences, the sometimes verbal and emotional abuse and the cheating, he did have feelings for her. Over the long years of their separation he'd continued to feel married to her in ways that she didn't with him. He always came home to her thinking he could slip right back into his role as her husband, seemingly surprised and hurt when she didn't allow him into her bed. In fact, in his own rather pathetic way she knew he still loved her. She could see it in the jealousy, anger and bitterness he displayed over her relationship with Andy. Jack didn't like to lose. He hadn't liked hearing that she was dating Andy and he really hadn't like hearing that she had fallen in love with him and that they were moving in together. And if he hadn't liked hearing any of that, he sure as hell wasn't going to like hearing that they were getting married or do anything to help them in that endeavor. He'd be more likely to dig in his heels and fight her every step of the way.

"You've seen him Andy. Jack isn't going to let this happen without a fight."

"Well then, he'll get one. We'll do what we have to do Sharon."

Sharon slid the ring off her finger, put it back in the box and slipped it into her underwear drawer. "We don't have to think about this today. It's Christmas and we're going to tell our family that we're getting married. It's a happy time. Let's just be happy, we can revisit the logistics of our wedding when we get back to LA."

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

_I don't care if the house is packed  
Or the strings of light are broken  
I don't care if the gifts are wrapped  
Or there's nothing here to open  
Love is not a toy, and no paper will conceal it  
Love is simply joy that I'm home  
I don't care if the carpet's stained we've got food upon our table  
I don't care if it's gonna rain, our little room is warm and stable  
Love is who we are, and no season can contain it  
Love would never fall for that  
Oo  
Oo  
Let love lead us, love is Christmas_

* * *

"Are you sure you don't need any help with breakfast?" Sharon wasn't surprised to find her mother already up and puttering around in the kitchen by the time she and Andy had dressed and come down to help with the morning meal. She'd always been an early riser.

"None at all. I made a couple of quiches yesterday and I'm just putting the blueberry bread in to heat up now."

"Well, if you're sure…" Sharon trailed off. "I think Andy and I will go down to the basement and bring up some of the boxes that we sent from California. There are a few gifts we still need to wrap."

"When you get your gifts, bring them over to my sewing room. I have a table set up for wrapping and you'll find all kinds of paper, scissors, tape and tags."

"Great, thanks. We did ship some paper and tags with the gifts, but we'll need everything else." Sharon paused at the top of the stairs that lead down to the basement, her hand reaching out, almost caressing the doorframe.

"Sharon?" Andy rested a hand on her shoulder. "You okay?"

"Oh! " She'd been so lost in thought he'd startled her. "Yes, I'm fine."

"What are you looking at?" Andy peered over her shoulder to see faded lines marking up the doorway along with names and ages.

"Every year on our birthdays, my dad would bring us over here and make us stand against the wall so he could mark how tall we were. It was always so exciting to see how much we'd grown since the previous year." Sharon was smiling but her voice was wistful and the smile did not reach her eyes.

"Babe, is something wrong? " He rubbed his hand up and down her arm.

"No…It's just... I've had this feeling since yesterday when my mom gave me that box with all those mementoes from my childhood. I think they might be looking at selling the house."

Seeing the pain on her face, Andy hesitated before giving her a pragmatic response as gently as he could. "It is an awfully big house for two people who are getting up there in age. It kind of makes sense they'd want to downsize."

"You're right. I know…it's just…" she shrugged.

"You're sad. Of course you are. It's hard to say good-bye to your home."

"That's what I was thinking last night, until we went to bed."

His brow furrowed with confusion. "How did that change anything?"

"You held me in your arms and it got me thinking. This isn't my home anymore. It hasn't been for quite a while."

"Well, you have been in California for a long time now, and you have the condo…" He paused when she began shaking her head negatively.

"That isn't my home either. This is my home now." She placed her hand over Andy's chest. "When I'm with you, I'm home."

Andy's throat tightened with emotion. There had been a time when he'd thought they might never get to this point. Working his way past Sharon's barriers had required patience he had no idea he was capable of exerting. Every tiny step forward in their relationship had seemed like a giant victory. But all of it, all the worry, all the angst, all the effort had been worth it because behind those barriers was a woman who loved with an emotional depth he'd never experienced before. When Sharon Raydor loved you, it was like being embraced in a warm blanket.

* * *

"What have you got there?" Nicole asked when she saw her father and Sharon walking down the hall carrying boxes.

"We still have a few gifts we need to wrap so we're bringing them to my mother's sewing room to wrap them after breakfast."

"Are you actually letting my dad help with the wrapping?"

"Oh God, of course not."

"Hey!" Andy gave Sharon an affronted look. "I wrap just fine."

"Uh, sorry honey but don't. You have a lot of talents, but wrapping gifts is not one of them."

"Sharon," Tyler tugged at her jeans. "Will you read "The Little Match Girl" to us tonight?"

Sharon's eyes narrowed. "Did Ricky and Emily tell you to ask me that?"

Just as she'd thought, she heard muffled laughter coming from the doorway.

"What's with this 'Little Match Girl'? Andy asked.

Emily and Ricky came into the room and Emily began to explain. "Mom has this huge book called "The 25 Days of Christmas". There are 25 Christmas stories in it and she would start on December first, reading us a story every night until Christmas Day. Of course, Christmas Eve was always "The Night Before Christmas' and Christmas day was always 'The First Christmas," but we would sometimes mix up the rest of the stories. Mom always tried putting off the "The Little Match Girl" because she could never get through it without crying. We used to feel bad when we were younger, it made us sad too but when we got older- -"

"They made fun of me." Sharon leveled her daughter and son with an accusing look. "They used to make bets as to how far I could get into the story before getting choked up. Ricky would even bring a box of tissues with him."

"So, I'm assuming it's a sad story." Andy tried not to grin, but Sharon crying over Christmas stories was just adorable.

"Very sad. It's about a poor little girl in the mid 1800's who is out on a cold winter night barefoot and in threadbare clothes trying to sell matchsticks. Shivering and hungry she peers into windows and sees moms and dads with their kids opening gifts in front of blazing warm fireplaces and families sitting at dining room tables covered with food while her stomach is growling and, come ON, your heart just breaks for her. She's afraid to go home because she didn't sell any matchsticks and knows her father will beat her so she goes into an alley and in an effort to stay warm she lights all her matchsticks and when they burn out she freezes to death."

"Jesus Christ," Andy groaned. "They have that in a KIDS Christmas book?"

"Exactly," Sharon said. "Of course when she is dying she sees a vision of her grandmother, the only person who was ever kind to her. She takes her hand and her grandmother brings her up to heaven where she won't be cold or hungry anymore. That part is beautiful, and it's the part I tried to stress to the kids, but the rest…"

"The rest is that she's dead and she died a miserable death." As usual Andy was blunt and to the point. "Even with the ending it sounds like a pretty depressing story." He gave Sharon a commiserating look. He knew why that story hit her so hard, the same reason he'd felt his chest tightening while she'd given her synopsis. They'd both seen far too many homeless little match girls fleeing abuse and ending up dead on the streets. Far too many Alice Herrera/Marianna Wallace's.

"Hey, who wants to help me bring the boxes of ornaments down so we can start decorating the tree after breakfast?" It was only when everyone began leaving to help William that Andy caught sight of Rusty just outside the door. His face was pale and he seemed lost in thought, probably reliving his own homeless past. When he did finally look up and their gazes met, the sympathy softening Andy's face caused Rusty to respond with the little half grimace/ half smile he generally gave when he was trying not to let people know something bothered him.

After the kids had left with William, and Sharon began pulling gifts out of the box and checking them against a list she had, Andy came up behind her wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Yes?" She turned in his embrace.

"I was just thinking. Do you remember our first Christmas?"

"Which first Christmas? My first Christmas working with Major Crimes or after we'd begun dating, or…"

"No, our real first Christmas. You were still with FID. You were trying to get to your parents and your kids. They were in Park City skiing."

"Oh yes, of course I remember." It was the only Christmas she'd ever spent without her children and it was killing her. "The Salt Lake City airport had closed due to snow and I ended up staying and having Christmas dinner with all of you in Major Crimes at the PAB, along with Brenda and her parents."

"You even helped make the sweet potatoes. You were pretty proud of that."

"I'm surprised Willie Rae actually let me put the marshmallows on."

"I was supposed to be having dinner with Nicole at Sandra and Larry's. It was going to be the first Christmas Day I'd had with my daughter in years and Nic had to work pretty hard to make it happen. I was dreading Sandra and Larry but I was really looking forward to spending Christmas with Nicole."

"I'm sorry things got ruined for you."

Andy ran his thumb gently over her cheekbone. "They weren't ruined. Maybe I thought they were at the time, but they weren't. I got to sit next to a beautiful woman and to find out she wasn't all cold and ice. It was kind of like fate. I was supposed to have Christmas dinner with my ex-wife that night, who knew I was actually having it with my future wife."

Sharon's heart swelled with warmth at the thought. Andy Flynn's wife. Who would have ever predicted during that Christmas dinner all those years ago that six years later she and Andy would be engaged and that she would be bringing him and his daughter to Connecticut to spend Christmas with her parents.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N_ I just wanted to thank you all for your kind comments regarding this story. I really appreciate you taking the time to leave feedback.

As for the difference between Andy and Jack, that will come up again in future chapters. I've always found it intriguing that two men could be so similar in some ways and yet so VERY different.

* * *

 _Singing carols, stringing popcorn  
_ _Making footprints in the snow  
_ _Memories, Christmas memories  
_ _They're the sweetest ones I know  
_ _Cookies baking in the kitchen  
_ _Cards and ribbons everywhere  
_ _Float like snowflakes in the air  
_ _Frosty, Christmas memories  
_ _And oh, the joy of waking Christmas mornings  
_ _The family round the tree  
_ _We had a way of making Christmas morning  
_ _As merry as can be_ _  
_

* * *

Sharon scanned through the play lists on her iPod, found the one she was looking for, clicked on it and set it in the dock she'd placed on the kitchen counter. Humming along with "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear", she opened the dishwasher and then turned to the sink full of sticky breakfast dishes. She was just reaching to turn on the hot water when she felt a hand on the small of her back and turned expecting to see Andy. He liked to rest his hand there. Instead she was face to face with eyes as green as her own. Eyes filled with concern.

Her mother.

"What?" Sharon asked.

"Nothing. I just want to get a good look at you." Colleen reached out to tuck a few long strands of Sharon's hair behind her ear, away from her face, the way she'd done so many times when she was child and needed comforting. "This is the first time we've gotten to be alone since you arrived."

Sharon set the sponge down and turned to lean back against the sink, her arms crossed in a slightly defensive posture while eying her mother speculatively. "Okay, what's up, Mom?"

"What makes you think something's up?" Colleen asked innocently. "Can't a mother just want to spend time with her daughter?"

"She can. But you want to tell me that shooing everyone else off to start trimming the tree while offering up the two of us to clean the breakfast dishes wasn't a set up?"

"So suspicious. A hazard of your job, I guess."

Sharon grinned at the exaggerated sadness of her mother's sigh. "I guess. So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Oh, well, there are so many things." Colleen had no complaints when it came to her eldest daughter. Sharon was very good at keeping in touch, a phone call every Sunday evening, like clockwork. But after Emily and Ricky went off to college it had all become about the same old thing, work, work and more work. Over the past five years that had changed tremendously. She'd gotten a new exciting job promotion, adopted another child, divorced her husband and had fallen head over heels in love with a new man she happened to work with. And now they were living together. That was a really interesting development, certainly something Colleen wanted to hear more about. But there would be time to pump Sharon about her love life later, right now what she really wanted to discuss were the events of the past few months.

" _Breaking news. We've just received live footage of the shooting inside a Los Angeles Superior Court where five people, including an LA deputy chief of police, were killed. The shooter was shot by police and taken to a local hospital in critical condition. Dwight Darnell…"_ The details had been lost on Colleen as she and William watched the scene unfold, the chaos, the carnage, people screaming and fleeing for their lives, the shooter turning toward Sharon and Chief Taylor, Taylor going down and then her daughter stepping forward like an avenging angel, calm, cool, deadly…shooting three times directly at the man. Darnell going down and Sharon standing unblinking and unwavering over his body. They had already known that Sharon was okay when the news story broke. Andy had called them while she was being questioned by FID, at her request. But nothing could have prepared them for seeing it played out like that.

"I just wanted to check in with you and make sure you're really okay. Talking over the phone and the Skype isn't the same as seeing you face to face. Dear God, Sharon when we saw the shooting on the news, well it about took 10 years off my life-and your father's. Watching all those poor people get shot and then you…well…"

"Me shooting him." Sharon turned back to the sink, flipped on the hot water and began running a sponge over the dishes. It was easier to talk about this if her hands were busy. Colleen moved up beside her to accept the rinsed dishes and put them in the dishwasher.

"Yes. I was so proud of you."

Sharon turned with surprise. "Even though I killed a person?"

"And saved dozens of others. You were a real hero that day. I don't know how you stayed so calm and focused with all that going on around you…your friends-"

"It's training, Mom. It's my job."

"I know that. And I understand why you struggled with what you had to do. But you saved a lot of people that day. That man…He was a monster."

"No, Mom. There are no monsters. He was a human being. A vile, evil human being. You saw his final actions but you didn't hear the hatred and filth that came out of his mouth. The things he'd done, the things he believed." Sharon shuddered remembering the shocking "Sieg Heil's" he sent her way the first time she'd met him in the courthouse. She wasn't sure if she would ever forget that. "I kept thinking about Grandda and the things he said about Nuremberg. How much he hoped the world had learned a lesson and that we would never see the likes of the Nazi Party again. But Dwight Darnell, he was a Nazi. An American Nazi and so were all the people he surrounded himself with. Grandda told me once that there were allied soldiers who took justice into their own hands after seeing the atrocities the Nazi's committed at the concentration camps. After coming up against Darnell and his group of white supremacists I can understand how that happened. I couldn't find it in me to feel sorry for killing someone like that."

"That's perfectly understandable."

"For some, maybe."

"But not for you?"

"No, not for me. I had just killed a man and I had no guilt, no remorse. I know I did what I had to do and that the world is a far better, safer place without Dwight Darnell in it. I don't question that or my actions. But I still took a human life and I felt like I should feel some remorse about that. You know, thou shalt not kill. It scared me not to be able to feel that."

"I'm glad Father Stan was able to help you work through those feelings."

"Father Stan and Dwight's mother, Wildred Darnell."

"His mother helped you?" Colleen was surprised to hear that. Sharon had mentioned talking to her priest for guidance, but hadn't said anything about talking to the mother of the man she'd killed.

"Yes. She told me she understood why I had to kill Dwight. I think I really needed that absolution as much as I needed God's. She helped me to see Dwight as the child he was before he became a hate spewing Nazi. I couldn't feel sorry for killing the adult, but I did feel sorry about the child and I was sorry for her pain. Whatever Dwight had done, he was still her child and as a mother, I could empathize with her grief. "

"Of course you could. You've always had great empathy for people."

"Andy helped me too. "

"Andy? I thought you said he couldn't really help you because he sees the world in black and white."

"He does, to a certain extent. He's been a homicide detective for a long time and his way of coping with all the ugliness we deal with is to separate people into good guys and bad guys. His job is to protect the good guys and he does that very, very well." Under his GQ suits, Andy Flynn was a scarred warrior. And though she was pretty sure he might still have a few emotional scars hidden away from her, she was on intimate terms with every one of the physical scars that marred his impressive physique. The long one on his abdomen where he'd been knifed, the puckered one on his thigh where he'd been shot, the two slashes, one the back of his shoulder and one on his bicep where he'd been grazed by bullets, the faded one on the back of his head at his hairline where he'd been hit over the head with a beer bottle and the tiny one on his neck where he'd had to have a blood clot removed from his carotid artery after being thrown from a moving vehicle.

"That can be dangerous, especially for a police officer."

"Yes, it can. I saw the dark side of that when I worked at the PSB. But Andy's a professional. As far as I know, he's never crossed over the line. Walked up to, maybe looked over it, but cross it? No. "Sharon paused to squirt more dish detergent on her sponge, and then continued to wash the juicer they'd used to make fresh orange juice.

"He's not blind to the gray areas. Sometimes good people do bad things, to protect the ones they love or in a desperate situation. Andy understands that." How many countless times had she heard Andy empathizing with a suspect who had killed the person who raped or murdered their child, wife or girlfriend. They all tried to remain objective but they were also human beings and there wasn't a cop out there, herself included, who could say they'd never put themselves in someone else's shoes and wondered how they might have reacted to such horrifying circumstances. "It's a lot easier when there is a clear cut good guy/bad guy. The murderers, the rapists, the pedophiles, the gang bangers. Every cop has to come up with his or her own coping strategies in dealing with those kinds of people day in and day out. Andy's is to dehumanize them into dirt bags and scum bags. Since he's become sober he's had to learn how to compartmentalize in different ways than I ever had to."

"Why is that?"

"Because he's spent his whole career out on the front lines protecting the innocent, putting his life on the line. I didn't.

"Well then how did he help you if he couldn't understand how you felt?"

"He didn't need to understand my feelings to accept them and to just be there for me. I haven't had a man in my life that I could lean on since I was a child living in this house."

"No, I guess you haven't. Jack was hardly a supportive spouse."

"No he wasn't. I could never rely on Jack or look to him for support, but I can with Andy. He's a rock." A tall immovable rock that never let her down and always made her feel like she was standing in sunshine whenever he was near. "I don't think I really understood that until this happened. I just assumed that he wouldn't be able to understand or help me so I distanced myself from him. I felt like I had to go through what I was dealing with on my own, because that's what I was used to doing."

Colleen sighed sadly. "Well, I'm just so pleased that you have somebody supportive in your life now. Andy sounds like a good man, Sharon."

"Andy is a good man." She took the frying pan Colleen handed her and dunked it into the soapy water. "Just because he didn't think I needed to feel remorse for what I'd done didn't keep him from trying to understand how much it bothered me that I didn't. And even when I pushed him away, he didn't let me go. He gave me my space but he also made sure I knew he was there for me and that he had my back. Andy always has my back. Unfortunately this time…I didn't have his." Quick tears shined in Sharon's eyes and she turned back to scrubbing the frying pan fiercely.

"Why do you say that, honey?" Setting the dishtowel aside, Colleen rested a hand on Sharon's shoulder.

Sharon kept her head down, her hair shielding her face, a trick she'd learned a long time ago in an effort to gain control of her emotions. "Because I was so self-absorbed with trying to deal with what I was going through I didn't notice that Andy was struggling too. Looking back I should have seen it." She shook her head with regret. "The nights I woke up to find him sitting on the edge of our bed covered in sweat or out on the balcony looking out over the lights of city. I believed whatever excuse he gave me-because I didn't have it in me to look any deeper. I should have looked deeper. Because I didn't he damn near had a heart attack."

"What are you talking about? You said Andy had a pinched nerve."

"Cervical radiculopathy to be exact. Stabbing shoulder and chest pain, numbness in the arm and hand brought on by a pinched nerve in the neck." Sharon recited verbatim what the emergency room doctor had told her.

"Yes, and that all started with him getting thrown from a moving vehicle. It didn't have anything to do with you."

"That's not entirely true. The nerve probably became pinched from an altercation he had with the mob of Nazi's, but it was exacerbated from the stress he was under because of the shooting. Also, his blood pressure was through the roof. That comes straight from the doctor."

"Stress from how you were handling the shooting?"

"Stress from the shooting itself…and me shutting him out. Andy's been in his share of shootouts but this time it was different, it was personal. This time I was there and people we knew and cared about were being shot. It was chaos in that in courtroom, Mom. Andy was doing his job, protecting the civilians around him, trying to make them get down so they would be safe and so he could get a beat on Darnell-all while Darnell was shooting up the room. With everyone running in fear we had to be careful we didn't shoot any civilians. After shooting his own lawyer, Darnell turned and fired toward Taylor and I. Taylor went down but there was nothing Andy could do, he didn't have a clear shot. I got the clear shot. If I hadn't, I probably would have been his next victim and Andy knows that -"Sharon stopped at Colleen's soft sound of distress.

"Oh my God, Mom, I'm so sorry. " Sharon dropped the pan she was scrubbing in the water, slipped off her rubber gloves and took her mother's hand, noticing as if for the first time the age spots and prominent veins. Her mother was so vibrant, so active there were times Sharon forgot the woman was in her 80's. -and that she wasn't a police officer. The last thing she wanted to do was upset her. "This is too much for you."

"No, no it isn't," Colleen insisted. "I can handle it, Sharon. I just feel so bad for Andy. It was hard enough watching someone shooting at you on television and already knowing you were okay. I can't imagine how hard it was for him to be there in that room and not be able to stop it from happening."

Sharon nodded. "That's exactly it. Andy is a cop, he's a protector, but in that moment, he couldn't protect me. He had a hard time working through that, even though he knows I'm capable of protecting myself."

"Oh dear." Colleen squeezed Sharon's hand and leaned heavily against the counter. "I hadn't thought about all that."

"It's one of the reasons I was so hesitant about getting involved with him. An office romance is always chancy but in our situation it's worse. Working side by side by side with someone you love in situations where either of you could be injured or killed can be agonizing. I've been through it myself several times with Andy-only I'm the one who has to send him into those life and death situations." The loud blast of gunshots, the staccato beat of machine gunfire, explosions, shouts of "officer down", how many times had she been safe in her command center listening to all that going on and not knowing if Andy had survived or not. "It's incredibly stressful."

"I can see why you'd have a hard time with that and why Andy would have had a hard time with it."

"He had terrible nightmares."

"Of the shooting?"

"Yes. Only in his nightmares I was the one who was shot and killed instead of Taylor and the kids were all accusing him of not protecting me"

"How awful. And he didn't tell you?"

"Not until we got home from the hospital." Sharon paused then added sarcastically, "He didn't want to add to my burden."

"Men. " Colleen shook her head with a roll of her eyes. "When are they going to learn that we are the stronger sex not the weaker?"

Sharon laughed and handed her the frying pan to be dried. "Uh…never."

"But he's okay now?"

"Yes, he's doing fine. But I never want to relive a day like that again. When he collapsed to the floor clutching his chest, I thought for sure he was having a massive heart attack. It was awful. I thought he was going to die, right there in front of me and all I could think about was how foolish I'd been."

"Foolish? About what?"

"Our entire relationship. I took things so slow with him. I was so damn cautious."

"That just makes sense Sharon. You had a lot of things you needed to work through. Like you said, you work together and that's not easy and, well, I know your history with Jack had to make things difficult too."

"Mmm…It did. Because of how things went with Jack, I had a hard time trusting Andy in the beginning. I was really attracted to him, but I was afraid…"

"Afraid of what?"

Sharon paused, swallowing tightly. "That I would let him in, that I would trust him and he would hurt me. I was so used to dealing with Jack that when Andy complimented me or did something nice for me I had a hard time believing that he didn't have an ulterior motive."

"And did he?"

"Yes he did."

Colleen spun around in surprise, a flash of anger sparking in her green eyes, causing Sharon to smile. "Don't go getting outraged. Andy's only ulterior motive was trying to make me fall in love with him, because he was already in love with me."

"Oh." Relief softened Colleen's eyes.

"But it wasn't just working together or my fear of being hurt. I told you about Andy's history with alcohol and women. Well, that worried me too."

"I know it did. But that's just smart, Sharon. Those are valid concerns, especially considering what you went through with Jack in those areas."

"It was smart in the beginning. But I clung to my worries for far too long. I let them cloud my judgment. I let them hold me back. I used them as an excuse to hold Andy at arms length. I was so afraid of letting myself love him." She gave her mother a roll of her eyes. "As if I could control it, right?"

"You have always liked being in control." Colleen lips twisted wryly.

"Well, as much as I tried I didn't have any control over my feelings at all. I guess we can't decide whom we love and don't love-it just happens. God. I was in love with Andy for so long before I let myself admit it to him or even to myself. For a couple months we had this really lovely, old fashioned sort of courtship." The hours of intimate conversation she and Andy had shared during that courtship had in some ways been as stimulating and fulfilling as physical lovemaking.

"People don't do that enough anymore. They are so quick to just rush through everything."

"Hmm" she hummed in agreement. "Well, I enjoyed it and it really meant a lot to me. I already knew who Andy was as my friend but it was so nice getting to know who he was as a boyfriend before we…um before he became my…"

"Lover?"

Sharon flushed. They were moving into uncomfortable territory now. "Well…Yes."

Colleen smirked. "Sharon, you've never been a spontaneous kind of person. Even as a little girl, you always liked order and plans. And having, what did you call it? Baggage left over from Jack? Well, that's completely understandable. I think you were smart not to jump into anything, especially given the chance for fallout at work. Andy should have understood that."

"Oh, Andy did understand, and he was so good natured about it which, quite frankly, was rather surprising and very touching because it was completely out of character for him. Let's just say no one would ever accuse Andy Flynn of having the patience of a saint. But with me, he did. I mean he got frustrated at times but -"

"What man doesn't? Remember what I told you once during our facts of life talk? That a man might tell you that you're killing him, but no man ever died from an unsatisfied erection."

"Mom!"

"What? I may be old but I'm not dead yet darling."

Sharon felt herself blushing. Now she knew how her kids felt when it came to her and Andy's sex life. "No, no you're not. And I know I've always been cautious but sitting in that ambulance on the way to the hospital, I kept kicking myself for making him wait for everything. For having lost all that time and not just embracing what I was feeling and counting my lucky stars that I found him. What I have with Andy, it isn't like anything I've ever known. I promised myself in that ambulance that if Andy lived I would throw caution to the wind and just let myself love him openly and completely with all my heart and damn what the future might bring." That promise she'd made to herself had been the reason that she had said yes without any reservations to Andy's proposal. She'd had to think about dating him, sleeping with him and moving in with him but by the time he asked her to marry him she hadn't had to think about her answer at all.

"Good for you. When you're lucky enough to find that kind of love, you have to embrace it. And you more than anyone deserve a man who loves you the way Andy loves you. "

Sharon gave her mother a sly glance. "How do you know the way Andy loves me?"

"Like I said, I may be old, but I have eyes and they are pretty clear since my cataract surgery. That man looks at you like the sun rises and sets on you. I hope you know how fortunate you are."

Sharon smiled warmly. Andy did have a way of looking at her that made her feel like she was the most beautiful, most special person in the world to him. "I do know how fortunate I am. I thank God every day that it wasn't a massive coronary, but we're still taking some precautions. He's still on blood thinners because of the severity of the clot, and, because of the issues with his blood pressure he's on a heart healthy Mediterranean diet of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, fish and lean meats."

"Well, that's how we all should eat. How's he doing with it?"

"He's doing okay. I think he's actually enjoying the challenge of trying to cook meals that are healthy and also taste good. "

"And you're still looking to buy a house together?"

"Yes. We are." Sharon knew that her mother wished that she and Andy would get married rather than just living together and felt bad for not telling her they were engaged. But they'd agreed they would tell everyone at Christmas Eve dinner. "We haven't really found anything we've fallen in love with since the house in the Hollywood Hills."

"The one filled with black mold?"

"Yes. We've looked at several more, one in Silver Lake, a couple in Long Beach, one in Atwater Village and we just looked at one in Mar Vista. But we just haven't found the right fit yet. It's hard because we keep comparing the ones we're looking at to the first one we loved. We have at least narrowed a style down. We both like the Spanish/Mediterranean homes. You know, white stucco, red tiled roofs, lots of arches. Very Southern California."

"Sounds lovely. " Colleen turned to her with a wistful look. "You know, there was a time I never thought you'd stick it out over there."

"I know, Mom. But I've built a life on the west coast."

"I know you have. "

Sharon took a breath preparing herself to broach a subject that had been bothering her since she and Andy had talked at the growth wall. "Mom, are you and Dad planning to sell this house?"

Colleen wiped her hands on a dishtowel, and then gave Sharon a long look before finally asking, "Why would you think that?"

"Well, you've been packing up a lot stuff to hand over to Chris and me. It feels like you're closing things up. I can't blame you. I mean it makes sense. This is a really big house for two people."

"It is. But it's my home." Tears gleamed in Colleens eyes. "This is where Richie and you and Christine grew up. We bought this house the year I got pregnant with you. It's been 53 years. It's hard to let go of that history. But your father and I aren't getting any younger. The truth is, if we didn't have the money to pay old Ralph Palmer to plow and shovel us out in the winter and take care of mowing the lawns in the summer and I didn't have Shirley Drouin come in three times a week to help with the cleaning and laundry, we probably would have sold it years ago. But we have thought about it. Would that bother you?"

"As selfish as it sounds it did kind of bother me when I first started thinking that might be your plan. This is where I grew up and I always knew that if things ever got really, really bad, this house was here. Surrounded by these walls Sharon O'Dwyer still lives, not Sharon Raydor, not Captain Raydor. But, after talking with Andy about it, I realized that this house is my past, it's not my home anymore. My home is with Andy, wherever we are, at the condo or a new house."

"As it should be. "Whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge."

Sharon smiled at her mother's less than subtle use of the quote from Ruth that was used at so many weddings. She was going to be pretty excited when she found out that she and Andy were indeed getting married and all these hints had been unnecessary. "Yes, well, I do understand why you'd want to downsize. I did the same thing after Emily and Ricky both left for college."

"Well, first of all, regardless of what we do with this house, Sharon O' Dwyer still lives. She's your roots, she's a big part of who you are. I see her in Captain Sharon Raydor every time I look at her. I see her in Ricky's big smile and Emily's compassionate eyes. She's not going anywhere. But as far as your father and I are concerned, well, we already spend January to April in Myrtle Beach. As you know we'll be heading out as usual right after the New Year. Your father is already itching to get back out on the golf course. We've talked about selling and moving into one of those senior housing places where they have assisted living if one or both of you are unable to take care of yourselves alone anymore. And we've talked about moving down to South Carolina or Florida permanently."

"What about California? Have you ever thought about moving out near me? Southern California has a mild climate too."

"You'd really want us to move out close to you?"

"Of course I would. My moving to California didn't have anything to do with trying to get away from you. And if you don't want to be that close, you don't have to move to LA. You could find somewhere around San Diego. La Jolla would be perfect for you. "

"Isn't that where Grace and Frankie from the TV show live?"

"I think it is. Yes."

"I love that show. Have you ever..." She paused when Sharon dropped a plate with a clatter. "What?" She asked at the strange look on her daughter's face.

"Nothing. Uh, have I ever what?" Oh please God, don't let her ask if she'd ever bought one of those vibrators. She was no prude but she could only go just so far in discussing her sex life with her mother.

Colleen gave her a small quirk of the lips. She knew why her daughter was so flustered. "I was just going to ask if you've ever watched it."

"Yes." Sharon nearly sighed with relief. "Andy I like it too. Anyway, I think it would be a good fit for you. It's a very artsy community, there's golfing for Dad and you'd only be 2 ½ hours away from me instead of an entire continent."

"Oh, honey. It means a lot to me that you want us closer. It's something we can certainly think about.

"Hey Mom, do we have another bag of cranberries?" Emily called out from the living room.

Sharon made her way to the refrigerator, pulled out the last bag of berries, and canted her head to get her mother to follow her into the living room. "How are you set for popcorn?" She asked, handing the bag of berries to Emily.

"Oh we're good on popcorn." Ricky pointed toward several bowls lined up by the hearth. "I think Gramma popped a dozen bags."

"Gramma did NOT pop a dozen bags," Colleen said, ruffling her grandson's hair. "I just wanted to make sure we had enough."

"Oh, we have enough." Rusty was standing at the tree with Dean winding the popcorn and cranberry garland around its fragrant branches. "Can you remind me why we are spending all this time making garland when they sell this stuff at Wal-Mart?"

"Cause it's fun," Scotty said from his perch on William's knee. William gave Rusty a grin and continued to thread his needle through the popcorn and cranberries.

"Yeah, it's fun," William agreed.

"And when Christmas is over the birds will enjoy it," Colleen added.

Nicole was seated by the tree pulling carefully wrapped ornaments from a storage box. "You sure have a lot of angels," she said.

"Oh, you can never have too many angels." Colleens reply set Andy and the Raydor kids into peals of laughter. Colleen's brow furrowed with confusion. "What's so funny about that?"

"You sound just like Mom," Rusty explained. "She said the exact same thing when I told her she had a lot of angels my first Christmas with her."

Andy looked up from the photo album he'd been flipping through while the others decorated the tree. "And she said the same thing to me my first Christmas with her."

"Just proves I raised her right." Colleen slipped an arm around Sharon's waist.

-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Did my mother give you those?" Sharon asked, sitting down beside Andy on the couch.

"I told her I'd like to see some pictures of you as a kid."

Sharon raised a brow at the pile of photo albums on the coffee table. "And she brought out the entire Sharon O'Dwyer collection?"

Andy grinned. "It's a pretty great collection." As soon as he'd started looking through them, he could see where Sharon got her organizational skills. The albums were all labeled and the pictures chronologically placed. Book one started with the banner "Happy Birthday, Sharon Elizabeth O'Dwyer" and was filled with pictures of a newborn Sharon being held by a much younger Colleen and William along with other various adults he assumed were relatives. One photo struck him as particularly poignant. A young boy of around 9 or 10 sitting in a chair awkwardly holding his new baby sister.

Richard "Richie" O'Dwyer. Sharon's deceased older brother.

Andy had seen a picture of him, along with her parents and her sister in Sharon's bedroom back home, but he was older in that photo. When he'd first seen the picture it had struck him how much Sharon's son resembled her brother and her father. Back when he'd first met Ricky Raydor it had been hard to find a familial resemblance with either Sharon or Jack. Ricky was very tall and lanky and he had hazel eyes. Jack was of average height and stocky build while Sharon at 5'7 was only a few inches taller than the average woman. But now having met Judge O'Dwyer and seen more pictures of Richie, it was even more apparent that Ricky favored the O'Dwyers, while Sharon's auburn hair and green eyes favored her mother's O'Neill side. But even though mother and son might not share the same features, Andy had always seen Sharon in Ricky's smile. Like Sharon, the boy had a smile that lit up his whole face and in his ebullient personality; Andy had been able to see hints of the girl Sharon had been before life had caused her to erect barriers around herself. The girl whom she was revealing to him more and more as each day passed.

After the newborn pictures had come those taken in the church at the baptismal font, Sharon's tiny form enveloped in an ornate satin christening gown. He wasn't surprised to see that baby Sharon had taken the holy water being poured on her head without a fuss. His ladylove was always calm, cool and collected.

The last few pictures in the first album were of Sharon's first wobbly steps into-not surprisingly-her father's outstretched arms. He'd long since figured out that Sharon was a daddy's girl. But she was not her daddy's only girl. A tender smile touched his lips at the photo of Sharon, still a baby herself, with chubby porcelain cheeks, strawberry curls and big green eyes, holding another newborn with a little help from her mother. Her sister Christine Mary O'Dwyer. Only 16 months apart in age, Sharon had described them as "almost Irish twins".

With the family complete, he moved on into another album that was filled with pictures taken during vacations and holidays. Three kids having fun building sand castles on the beach and splashing each other in the ocean waves, laughing on the rides at Disney world and snow suited and rosy cheeked skiing down snowy slopes in the mountains. The holiday pictures included older people he assumed were Sharon's grandparents. He didn't usually find looking through pictures particularly interesting but he was really enjoying the opportunity to see all the facets of Sharon's personality today in the little girl she'd been in these pictures.

There she was serious and polite seated at an elegantly set table at Thanksgiving watching her father carve the turkey and then a month later cross legged on the floor in front of the Christmas tree in her pajamas grinning ear to ear while holding a tiny black and white puppy with a bow around its neck. St Patrick's day found her all dressed in green and shamrocks dancing a jig with her sister and mother and the fourth of July in a red, white and blue bathing suit swinging a sparkler in front of a picnic table laden with lobsters and bowls of steamed clams and corn on the cob, the dog dancing at her feet. She definitely came by her sense of occasion honestly.

He grabbed the next album and opened it to find Sharon standing in front of the Sacred Heart Convent School in patent leather shoes and a light blue checked jumper over a white collared shirt, her hair tightly braided. She had a slightly uneasy look on her face. It was labeled "Sharon's first day of school." His grin at how cute she was faded and his chest tightened with sadness when he flipped the pages and came upon the pictures of William and Richie teaching Sharon how to ride a bike down the long driveway. Sharon had spoken to him of her grief at her brother's death when she was only 12 and he had ached for her, but seeing them together in these pictures and the way that Sharon looked at him with a beaming, adoring smile made that grief so much more real.

His smile quickly returned when he got to the first Holy Communion pictures. Sharon looked like a little angel in her white dress and sheer veil, a rosary clutched between two hands held together in prayer. He couldn't wait for the day he saw her in white again, only this time as his bride.

Another album brought him into the middle school years when she was all skinny arms, coltish long legs and braces. She'd been quite a busy little thing, he mused as he took in the pictures of dance and piano recitals, soccer and softball games, swim meets and horse shows. One of his favorites had been taken of Sharon sitting astride a beautiful chestnut colored horse in jodhpurs and a blazer her long hair pulled back into a low bun. She was beaming and holding a blue first place ribbon.

Those years morphed into high school and the more traditional Catholic schoolgirl uniform that he was used to; navy, green and gold plaid skirt, knee-highs, saddle shoes and a gold crucifix dangling over her navy blue sweater. The braids and braces were gone, replaced with a mane of glossy waist long hair that had deepened into the darker rich auburn it was today. Little Sharon was blossoming into quite a beauty.

"Where was this taken?" he asked, pointing to an unmarked picture of her in her late teens standing in the sand in front of a shingled beach house. She was wearing striped hip hugger bell-bottoms and a bikini top, a puka shell necklace around her neck and a big mood ring on her finger. It was obviously the 70's and she was developing the curves of the woman she would become. Her head was tilted to one side, long hair, falling like a curtain over her shoulder. Her hands were on her hips and she was smiling broadly, it was the same smile she had today.

"Oh God," Sharon groaned at the photo of her in her 70's glory. "That was at my grandparents beach house in 'Sconset. Nantucket. We used to spend a month out there every summer."

"You were gorgeous even back then. Of course nothing can compare with how you look now."

"Andy." Sharon flushed and shoved him good-naturedly with her shoulder.

"What? It's true. You were pretty back then, but you're a knockout now."

Sharon smiled at him and looked back at the picture, a dozen memories flashing through her mind. "Oh, Nantucket," she sighed. "It's so beautiful out there. I'd love to take you some time."

"I'd like that." Andy flipped the page. "Hey, is that you in Paris?"

Sharon glanced down at the picture of her and her parents standing in front of the Eiffel Tower.

"Yes. As part of our curriculum, we had an exchange program with other Sacred Heart schools both here and abroad. I chose France and spent a school year in Lille which is about 2 hours north of Paris, close to border of Belgium."

"Did you like it there?"

"Once I got past the homesickness I had a great time. That picture was taken when my parents flew over to bring me home and we spent a few days in Paris."

"That's right; you did say you spent some time as an exchange student." Back when they'd first begun dating he'd taken her to a fancy French restaurant and had been surprised by how fluently she'd been able to order in French. Usually in Southern California if someone spoke a foreign language it was Spanish. Sharon didn't speak Spanish.

"Okay everyone, the ornaments are all laid out, time to start decorating."

Andy set the photo album aside and rose, but before he could make his way over to grab an ornament Sharon took his hand and pulled him aside.

"You know. " She leaned in speaking softly. "I made a promise to myself when I was 17 and in the City of Love."

"Oh yeah, what kind of promise?"

"That I would come back one day with the man I love."

"And did you?"

She shook her head negatively. "Not yet."

"Well," he said, bending to press a kiss to her cheek, absurdly pleased she'd never gone there with Jack. "I may have to do something about that."

"Hey, hey, enough with the lovebird stuff," William said. "We have a tree to decorate here."

Sharon bit a back a smile. "Yes Dad."

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

_As children we believed  
_ _The grandest sight to see  
_ _Was something lovely  
_ _Wrapped beneath our tree  
_ _But heaven only knows  
_ _That packages and bows  
_ _Can never heal  
_ _A hurting human soul  
_ _No more lives torn apart  
_ _That wars would never start  
_ _And time would heal all hearts  
_ _And everyone would have a friend  
_ _And right would always win  
_ _And love would never end  
_ _This is my grown up Christmas list_ _  
_

* * *

The house was still gray and quiet as Sharon made her down the stairs. She vaguely remembered Andy brushing a kiss against her temple saying he was going to get breakfast started before she fell back to sleep. When she woke again, the sun was starting to rise and Andy was gone. Passing through the living room, she noticed that he had turned the tree lights on and they twinkled cozily. He'd also started a fire in the fireplace. She paused for a moment to warm herself, and then continued on to the kitchen. Sure enough, there was her man, standing in his bathrobe at the counter. He had something that smelled delicious sautéing on the stove, definitely some peppers and onions, and was whisking what looked like a bowl of eggs.

She walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist pressing a kiss into the back of his shoulder. She left her lips there inhaling deeply, sweet woodsy spice and that special musky male scent she would know as her mate if she were blindfolded in a room full of men. Andy stiffened in surprise, then smiled and leaned back against her upon hearing her "Good morning, darling."

He lifted her hand and kissed it while he continued to cook, enjoying the feel of her rubbing her cheek sensuously against his back. "Good morning, sweetheart."

"Yes, good morning, sweetheart."

"Oh my God!" Sharon nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of her father's deep voice. "What are you doing in here, Dad?" She spun around to see him sitting at the kitchen table.

"It is my kitchen." William deadpanned. If one did not know him well it would be hard to read his reaction to his daughter's loving little display with her boyfriend, but Sharon could see the amusement sparking in his eyes.

"You should have told me he was here." She backed away from Andy and moved to the coffee maker to pour herself a cup.

"You didn't give me a chance. You walked in the kitchen and you were all over me."

"Andy!"

William gave a bark of laughter.

"Not that I'm complaining, of course."

"Of course," she smirked. She sipped at her coffee and glanced into the frying pan.

"Low sodium turkey sausage, peppers and onions," he answered the questioning quirk of her brow. They'll go into the casserole dish with this eggwhite mixture."

"Is this the breakfast casserole you made me with the ham and salami?"

"Yep, too much sodium in the ham and salami so I've had to improvise."

"I'm sure it will be delicious. It smells delicious." She picked a sautéing pepper out of the frying pan and popped it into her mouth.

"Hey, why does she get to sample the goods? You wouldn't let me," William protested.

"You have nothing to offer me in quid pro quo." Sharon held her breath at the devilish glint in Andy's eyes and the sexy little half grin her father couldn't see him giving her. Her face flushed with the memory of Andy sampling exactly what she had to offer. He knew where her mind had gone and wagged an eyebrow at her, but to her father he said, "Sharon makes a great mushroom chicken dish and if I don't let her sample my goods, I can't sample hers."

"Hmmm…" William nearly rolled his eyes. Did they honestly think he wasn't getting all that double entendre? As his wife often said, he might be old, but he wasn't dead. Still, Sharon was his little girl and it was time to steer the conversation away from a sex life he liked to pretend she didn't have. "So, Sharon, come sit down and talk to me about this new job offer before everyone wakes up for breakfast. Andy here seems to think you'd be a perfect fit."

"Uggg…" Sharon groaned and sank down in a chair next to him.

"What? You don't want it?"

"No, I don't."

"Why not? It's a higher rank, more power, more money. You were always an ambitious girl."

"I still am. I just have different ambitions now. There was a time the rank was important to me. When Taylor and Pope promised to promote me to Commander when I took over Major Crimes and then reneged, I'll admit, I was pretty upset about it. Not just for myself, but for every other woman working for the LAPD. It took me a long time to get over it."

"You think they did it because you're a woman?"

"Oh, I know they did it because I'm a woman, or at the very least they felt they could get away with it because I'm a woman. They were the ones who came to me and asked me to take over Major Crimes. They promised me the promotion as part of the package. Then when I had the audacity to question Taylor about it he told me, in an extremely condescending way, the job was the promotion and that I was lucky to have gotten it and I should be grateful. As if I hadn't earned it or deserved it. They never would have said that to man."

Standing at the stove, Andy winced. Until he'd become romantically involved with Sharon he'd never really thought about how much more difficult it was for a woman on the force, how much harder they had to work and how much crap they had to put up with. He'd seen it of course, the condescension and the misogyny, but he'd never really thought about it very much, never felt it, until Sharon. When she'd begun to open up to him and he'd seen things from her point of view he'd been filled with a great sense of shame for some of the comments he'd made in the past. However, he also knew it went a lot further than inappropriate comments or being looked over for promotions. There was an even darker side, one that included sexual harassment and even sexual assault, which filled him with an impotent sense of rage, not only on Sharon's behalf, but also on the behalf of all the women on the force. Grabbing a cup of decaf, he joined the two at the kitchen table.

"Anyway," Sharon continued. "I absolutely love the job and I stopped worrying about the title and the money. After so many years of doing what I had to do for my kids, I have a job that I love and I don't want to lose that. If I get the Assistant Chief position, everything will change."

"How will it change? I understand why you turned down the NFL job, because of all the travel. But for this job, you'd still be with the LAPD, how would it change things?"

"I wouldn't be running Major Crimes anymore. I wouldn't be leading investigations. I'd be overseeing them. I'd be back at a desk, a bureaucrat playing politics. It would feel more like a step back than a step forward, even if does mean a higher rank and more money. I'm at a point in my life right now where I have the freedom to choose that loving my job is more important than rank and money. "

"Then why are you even bothering to interview for it?"

"I kind of have to. I was put on a short list and if I don't interview for the job it will reflect poorly on me. And, there is another person on the short list that will probably dismantle Major Crimes if she gets the position."

"Winnie Davis," Andy said with a grimace. "She's a real ball buster."

Sharon turned to him with a raised brow. "Isn't that what you used to call me?"

"Not exactly."

"Oh that's right; you had other names for me."

"Really? " William turned to Andy with interest. "What did you call her?"

"Go ahead, Andy. Tell him." Sharon was amused watching Andy squirm with discomfort before finally spitting it out.

"The ice queen."

"Oh, well that doesn't sound so bad." William gave a dismissive shrug.

"That was the nice one," Sharon said. "Tell him the mean one."

"Sharon..."

She just stared at him until with a grimace he finally said, "The wicked witch of FID."

"What?" William leaned forward. Andy had spoken so softly he barely heard him.

Andy sighed and spoke a little louder. "The wicked witch of FID. "

'He even drew a picture of me with my broomstick." Oh, the deer in the headlights look on Andy's face when she'd told him on their first date that she had seen the little picture he'd drawn of her as a witch on the murder board back when she was still with FID never failed to amuse her.

"Oh, well that is mean." William leveled Andy with a look and in that moment he knew exactly where Sharon got her steely Darth Raydor stare.

"Things were different back when Sharon was with FID, "Andy continued on quickly in an effort to dig himself out of the hole. "You want to talk mean? Winnie Davis is mean. Sharon only got pissed off when we made her job more difficult and gave her a hard time. Which I fully admit that we did. But, you know whatever crap we threw at her she just let it roll right off her and she stayed professional. It takes a strong person to stay completely true to who they are and Sharon always does that. I admired that about her even when she was frustrating the hell out of me. Having her as a leader now makes us all better cops."

"Andy, thank you." Sharon rested a hand over his. Given where she'd started with the team, that was really quite a compliment.

"It's true. We might not have liked what you were doing , maybe didn't even like you in the beginning, but you were just doing your job and you were doing it in a completely professional way. That isn't Davis. 'He turned back to William. "Davis has something in for us, for Sharon, and it's personal."

Sharon nodded in agreement. "Whatever her reasons, Winnie does to seem to have a chip on her shoulder a mile wide and she's the reason, the only reason, I'm going for the position. She'll destroy Major Crimes if given the chance."

"What would you like to have happen?" William asked.

"Ideally, I'd like for things to stay the way they are, with Fritz in the position. I like Fritz, I work well with him and so does the whole team. But no one thinks that will stick. Fritz is former FBI and there is a prejudice in the force against the FBI. So, my only hope is that Leo Mason gets it. I don't know him very well, but what I hear of him is that he is professional, fair, and ambitious. I can work with a man like that. If by some chance I still have a job when she takes over, I'm not sure I'd be able to work with Winnie Davis, or more importantly that I would _want_ to work with Winnie Davis.

"Have you thought about you'll do if that happens?"

"A little bit. But I'm trying not to dwell on it. I guess I just have to have faith that everything will work out the way it's supposed to work out. "

Andy, whose faith in the world was never as strong as Sharon's, piped in with, "Worse case scenario, Davis takes over and gets rid of Sharon and Major Crimes and we hit the road. We have our time in; we'll retire and start our own PI business."

Sharon grinned. Andy often talked of opening his own PI business and she didn't doubt that maybe one day they'd do just that.

"Well, make sure you keep us posted on how that's going."

"I will. I'm sure things will heat up once the holidays are over."

* * *

"There's one more stop I'd like to make before we go home. Or are you hungry?"

Andy was leaning back contentedly in the passenger seat of their rented car watching the scenery pass by when Sharon spoke. Usually it was he who drove when they went out together, but this morning, after stopping at the grocery store with a list from Colleen, Sharon had offered to give him a little tour of the affluent New England city where she'd grown up. It seemed not that long ago that he'd been starved for any little bit of insight into the closed off woman he'd been falling in love with, so he'd jumped at the chance to see where she'd grown up, gone to school, took ballet and riding lessons and worked as a lifeguard. Being here, driving down snowy streets lined with old Colonial homes, meeting Sharon's parents in person, seeing the large brick all- girls convent school she'd attended and staying in her childhood home all helped round things out for him. Even if she no longer lived on the east coast, growing up here was a big part of who she was today, in the same way it was a part of him. Of course, his hardscrabble lower middle class upbringing in Brooklyn was a far cry from Sharon's here on Connecticut's Gold Coast. Still, strangely enough, it worked for them. Their differences in background and in personality only seemed to strengthen their relationship, not diminish it.

"Andy?" She questioned him again and he was puzzled to see that she seemed strangely tense, her gloved fingers gripping the steering wheel tightly.

"I'm good," he assured her. "Where do you want to stop?"

Sharon didn't answer. Instead, she made a turn taking them under a tall stone arch and driving down a long lane of headstones. She didn't need to pause or look around; she knew exactly where she was going. Two left turns and she pulled over and stopped the car. Still, she sat silently, as if gathering her emotions.

"Sharon?" Andy's voice was laced with concern. He'd known as soon as they turned into the cemetery where they were going. Sharon turned to him, her eyes suspiciously shiny.

"There's someone I'd like you to meet."

He nodded and they both stepped out of the car. Sharon grabbed the poinsettia they had purchased at the grocery store and they walked hand in hand through the calf high snow.

"Looks like my mother has already been here," she said, setting her poinsettia down next to the one that already sat in the snow. The headstone was large, topped with a Celtic cross and read Richard James O'Dwyer 1953-1975. Beloved son and brother. In addition, there engraved high up on the left hand side was a large angel. Andy's gaze moved quickly from the stone to Sharon and she could see in his eyes that he understood what that meant.

"This is my brother… Richie," she said. "He's our original angel."

* * *

Back at Sharon's parent's house, his arms full of groceries, Andy shoved at the front door. He was immediately assaulted with the delicious scents of gingerbread and Balsam fir.

"Papa Andy, Papa Andy! Come and see the gingerbread cookies we made with Mrs. O' Dwyer."

"Okay, okay, hold on guys."

"Boys, let your Papa in the door," Colleen laughed. "Oh, Andy let me take one of those bags."

"No ma'am. I've got them." Andy continued in through the house to the kitchen where he set his bags down on the counter next to cooling racks covered in gingerbread men. Then he turned to Sharon and took the bag she carried and set it down with the others.

"These look almost good enough to eat," he said, surveying the cookies.

"They're not _almost_ good enough to eat, they _are_ good to eat," Scottie insisted.

"Sharon." Tyler looked up at her with solemn eyes. "We want to set up the crèche but Mrs. O'Dwyer said we had to wait for you. She said you always set it up. Can we do it with you?"

"Of course you can. As soon as we get these groceries put away, we'll go set it up."

"I can take care of the groceries," Colleen said. "You go head with the boys. The manger and all the pieces are in a box in your father's study."

"Okay, then, let's go boys." Sharon set off with the boys, while Andy continued to pull items out of the bags for Colleen.

"The boys are adorable," she said to him. "They're so excited for Christmas."

"Yeah, I think we all are. I know it's been a really long time since I've been this excited."

Colleen took a deep breath, as if steeling herself for something, then, without looking at Andy she asked, "Did Sharon take you to the cemetery?"

"Yes, she did. I'm very sorry for your loss. "

"Oh, thank you, dear. It's hard to believe it's been forty years."

The pain in Colleen's eyes made Andy think about that large poinsettia sitting on the young man's grave. Richie O'Dwyer's mother had never forgotten him. And neither had his sister.

"I can't even begin to imagine living with a loss like that."

"Yes, well. No one really does until they have to. In the beginning, it's just about surviving. Finding some way to make it from one minute to the next, because you can't even think in the realm of days and weeks and years."

Andy nodded. He'd been through that himself with AA. In the beginning, it had all been about just making it for another hour, and then hours turned into days, days into weeks, weeks into months and now it had been twenty years since he'd last had a drink.

"You know, life is a funny thing." Colleen continued to put groceries away while she spoke. "For a long time William and I thought Richie was going to be our only child. We wanted more children; we both wanted a big family. But after Richie I had several miscarriages and it just seemed like it wasn't meant to be. We never lost faith and we did keep trying, but after so many years, we had pretty much resigned ourselves to having our one perfect child. And then almost 10 years after I had Richie, I got pregnant with Sharon. I was terrified through that whole pregnancy, so afraid I was going to lose her. But I didn't. She was full term and perfect in every way. Our miracle little girl. And then, less than a year later I got pregnant with Christine. We felt so blessed. The girls adored their older brother, and Richie was so protective of them. He helped teach them how to swim and to ski and to ride their bikes. Everything was as it should be. And then came Vietnam." She paused to put the empty paper bags into the recycling bin and Andy could see she was trying to maintain control of her emotions. "Richie was a sophomore in college when they announced there would be no further draft calls. The war was winding down and we felt like we'd dodged a bullet so to speak. And, well, I'm sure Sharon told what happened."

Andy nodded sadly. Not long after they'd begun dating Sharon had told him the story of her brother's death. Of how after graduating from college and before he started law school, young Richard James O'Dwyer had signed on with Catholic Relief Services and left for Vietnam as part of "Operation Babylift". He was helping to save orphaned children after the fall of Saigon when his plane crashed into a rice paddy killing everyone on board.

"When they came and told us I couldn't believe it. I think I went into shock and didn't come out for a long time. Sharon was just turning 13. That's such a crucial time for a young girl, but I was so numb with grief I know I wasn't really there for her. She'd just lost her brother and I think for too long she lost her mother too."

Andy rested a hand on the older woman's shoulder. "Don't be so hard on yourself. Sharon never said any of that."

"No, she wouldn't, would she? That's just Sharon's way. She's good at picking up the pieces and moving on. She is her father's daughter in that way. But losing Richie when she was so young forced her to grow up rather quickly. She stepped in with Chrissie and was so good with her. I often think that if William and I had lost faith, if we had given up on having another child, we wouldn't have any children today and no grandchildren."

"Well, I'm very glad you didn't lose faith. Because then I wouldn't have Sharon, and your daughter wasn't only a miracle for you and your husband. She's been a miracle for me too."

Colleen saw nothing but sincerity Andy's eyes. Since they'd arrived, she had been watching this handsome man who had stolen her daughter's heart, intrigued by their relationship and hoping to get a better feel for him. So far she liked what she'd seen. Andy had a comfort and ease that was so different from Jack's near frenetic need to please. With Jack, everything had been a show. He was always trying so hard to charm her and William. Too hard. And it had never felt sincere. After all these years she wasn't sure she'd ever met the real Jack Raydor.

Andy was charming too, but it was a more natural sort of charm. And he was so solicitous of Sharon. The way he looked at her, the gentle way he touched her, well, that spoke volumes for how felt about her. You couldn't be in a room with the two without feeling the love they had for each other.

Last night after supper and after the kids had been put to bed, the adults had convened in the living room to watch "White Christmas" both her and Sharon's favorite holiday classic. Sharon and Andy had taken to the couch, Andy unselfconsciously slipping his arm over her and Sharon just as unselfconsciously curling up into him, resting her head on his shoulder to watch TV. It was so nice to see that ease and that warmth and affection between them. They even finished each other sentences. Nothing filled her with more joy this Christmas than seeing that her daughter had finally found this kind of love. The only thing that would make it more perfect now would be a wedding. Call her old fashioned, but she wanted to see her daughter married.

* * *

After helping Colleen put the groceries away, Andy left the kitchen to find Sharon and the boys.

 _"This, this is Christ the King,  
_ _Whom shepherds guard and Angels sing  
_ _Haste, haste, to bring Him laud,  
_ _The Babe, the Son of Mary."_ _  
_

He smiled when he heard Sharon singing and followed her lovely voice into the living room. The first time he'd heard her sing was on the way home from Nicole's wedding. Sandra's brothers had been tripping over themselves trying to buy drinks for her at the reception and though she wasn't drunk he guessed the alcohol had caused her inhibitions to be down a little bit or she was just feeling more comfortable with him, whatever the case he'd turned on the radio and she'd begun to sing softly with Stevie Nicks. Rhiannon. First he'd been surprised at how well she sang and how sexy her voice was and then she'd gotten to "wouldn't you love to love her" and he'd been taken aback by his instant arousal at the very thought of making love to Sharon Raydor. These strange and roiling feelings he had for her had started the first time he'd held her in his arms on the dance floor and rather than abating they only seemed to be growing stronger. When she told him that Rhiannon was the name of her best friend's daughter and that she had down syndrome he had suddenly found himself in the strange position of not only being attracted to her but also wanting to know so much more about her. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd experienced that combination. But back then, Sharon was off limits. She was married and she was his boss. At the time, it had all felt so hopeless. But there was something there, something had changed between them and he hadn't given up. He'd struck up a friendship with her that had blossomed into a romance and then into a love so deep it actually hurt to remember back to those hopeless days.

He stood outside the door for a little bit, enjoying listening to her sing and when he finally did enter the room he found that she was not only singing, she was also the one playing the piano.

She looked up and smiled at him as he sat beside her on the piano bench.

"You play really well," he said.

"Actually, I'm pretty rusty. But thank you, honey." She reached out a hand to brush her fingers lovingly against his sandpaper rough jaw.

"You used to play a lot when we were kids," Ricky said. "I still don't know why you got rid of the piano, Mom."

"Oh, I just got much too busy to play and there was no reason to keep it when others could be using it." Sharon's response was matter of fact, but Andy noticed that her face nearly imperceptibly tightened with pain and her green eyes lost the sparkle of joy they'd had in them when he'd entered the room. There was a story behind that piano.

"Sharon, do you know Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?" Tyler asked.

"I do. But I'm getting hungry. Why don't we go see about some lunch and I'll play some more for you after."

"Okay."

Sharon rose from the bench and Andy took her hand. He hated to see that bleak sadness in her eyes. As they stepped under the archway that led to the hall, he paused. Sharon gave him a confused look until he pointed up and she saw they were standing under the mistletoe.

"You know the rules." He lifted her chin with his fingers and gave her a wicked smile she couldn't help but return.

"Indeed I do." He was glad to see spark back her eyes, that's exactly what he'd been aiming for. She barely finished the sentiment when he covered her lips with his.

"Oh my God, don't you two ever get enough?" Rusty groaned.

"Uh…I can't speak for your mother, but for me it's a no. Sharon?"

"That's a no for me too. "

Rusty shook his head and left the two making goo- goo eyes at each other.

* * *

"So you want to tell me about the piano?" They were in bed and Andy was spooning Sharon, nuzzling into her hair as he spoke.

Sharon tensed. "What about the piano?"

"I saw your face when Ricky asked why you got rid of the piano and I've been to your storage unit. You keep everything that has to do with your kid's childhood. You didn't just get rid of it did you?"

"No." Sharon's voice was barely a whisper. Andy waited quietly, knowing she would tell him when she was ready. Finally, she took his hand, the one that was caressing her hip comfortingly and wrapped it around her pulling it in to her chest.

"The piano gift was a wedding gift to me from my Aunt Mary, my father's sister. She knew I loved to play. A few years after Jack left, he came back. He said he'd gotten sober and wanted to try again. We were legally separated by then but a part of me wanted to believe him, even if I didn't really trust him. And whatever happened between us, as long as he wasn't drinking I wanted him to have a relationship with the kids, so I let him move back in for a little while-into the spare room. It didn't take long before I found out why he'd really come home. He was gambling heavily and had gotten into some trouble. He owed some people money and he wanted me to "loan" it to him. I didn't have $10,000 lying around, I was still digging out of the debt he'd left me in, and even if I did have it I couldn't give it to him for gambling debts now, could I?"

"Of course not. He had to know that."

"I'm not sure it even crossed his mind. Jack's never seen things in black and white and there's never been a line he was afraid to step over. He begged me to take the money out of the kid's college funds. The same college funds he'd already depleted when I gave him the ultimatum to get sober or leave and he'd chosen to leave. I got a call from the bank saying that he had tried to access the funds from our former joint account and then from the kids accounts. Thankfully when I made the separation legal it kept him from being able to access my funds and I had the money the kids had inherited from my grandparents put in trusts to be used for college where Jack couldn't touch it. He was furious and I was furious. The next day while I was at work and the kids were in school Jack took the piano and a few other things, sold them and ran away back to Vegas."

"He stole your piano and sold it? Why didn't you have him arrested?"

"I thought about it, believe me. But I had no proof. The piano was a wedding gift; I didn't have anything on paper saying it was mine. What really pissed me off was that being a lawyer Jack knew that. He knew I'd have no recourse."

"And you never told the kids what happened?"

"What would have been the point? They were already hurting because Jack had upped and left again without bothering to say good-bye to them. There was no need to pile on. I was so angry and so…hurt…And I felt so foolish. I'd known better than to trust him and yet I'd let him back into my home."

"You have a good heart Sharon. You want to believe the best in people and you wanted to do something nice for your kids." God did he hate how Jack had taken advantage of her love for her children.

"And you always want to think the best of me." She kissed the back of his hand. "I do make mistakes, you know. Maybe it was a mistake for me to constantly cover up for Jack and never force him have to take responsibility for all the shitty things he did to us. But I was trying to protect my kids."

"We all make mistakes, babe. And you shouldn't ever apologize for trying to protect your kids. Maybe Jack did deserve a kick in the ass a lot sooner but speaking as a man whose ex did everything in her power to sabotage my relationship with my daughter no matter how hard I tried and no matter how much it hurt her, I don't think it was wrong to try to give him the benefit of the doubt." He paused for effect then added, "Just maybe not so many times."

Sharon smothered a laugh into the back of his hand. "Believe me, I learned my lesson. No more cover-ups. Jack's on his own. Maybe one day he'll get his life together, but it's not my responsibility anymore."

"It never was, babe. It was always his."

"You're right, I know," she sighed.

"Why didn't you get another piano?"

"Emily had become completely focused on dance and wasn't interested in piano lessons anymore and by the time I could afford one, both she and Ricky were in college and I was looking at downsizing. A piano wouldn't fit in my condo."

"But it just might fit when we buy our new house." Already he was adding that into his list of requirements. The home must have a room big enough for a piano.

"Yes…Yes, it might. I'd like that." She rolled over, rubbing her hand on his shoulder before cupping his cheek in her palm. "How do you do that?"

"What?"

"Make me feel better. You always seem to know how to make me feel better."

"I don't have many gifts, but if that's the only one I have, I'll take it."

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

_Sleigh bells ring, are you listening  
_ _In the lane snow is glistening  
_ _A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight  
_ _Walking in a winter wonderland  
_ _Gone away is the bluebird  
_ _Here to stay is a new bird  
_ _He sings a love song as we go along  
_ _Walking in a winter wonderland  
_ _In the meadow we can build a snowman  
_ _Then pretend that he is Parson Brown  
_ _He'll say, "Are you married?" We'll say, "No man"  
_ _But you can do the job when you're in town  
Later on we'll conspireAs we dream by the fire_  
 _To face unafraid, the plans that we've made_  
 _Walking in a winter wonderland_

* * *

"So, you like dogs?"

Andy glanced away from TV at William's question. He'd been so engrossed in the football game, he'd hardly been aware that Guinness had jumped up on the couch and had his big golden head resting on his lap. Or that he'd been patting that head.

"Yeah, I do. I would love to have another dog. We had one when Nic was a kid. Cute little mutt." He'd lost Zeke in the divorce, along with Nicole. At least with Nicole he'd gotten visitation rights. Not so with Zeke. "After my divorce there was no way I could take care of a dog on my schedule. You can't have a dog when you're getting stuck at work for sometimes 13 or 14 hours. But someday, maybe when I retire, I'd like to get another one."

"That's why Mom never let us have a dog," Ricky said. From the tone of his voice, Andy could tell this had been a bone of contention in the Raydor household.

"Ricky, you know I would love to have had a dog, but like Andy said, it wouldn't have been fair to the dog. I didn't work the crazy hours he did, at least not once I moved to the PSB, but with work and you and Emily and all your extracurricular activities there just wasn't time." She left out the dealing with everything "on my own" but it was there, and they all knew it."

"Besides, Mom let us have cats." Emily jumped in to her mother's defense.

Ricky nodded. "Princess Buttercup."

Rusty raised an eyebrow. " _Princess Buttercup_? That's what you named your cat?"

"It's from the Princess Bride," Emily said.

"What's the Princess Bride?"

"You've never seen the Princess Bride? What did you, live under a…" Ricky stopped himself, horrified at his open mouth insert foot moment.

Rusty flushed, as the room grew quiet. He was embarrassed to know they were all thinking about his horrible childhood of abuse and neglect, but before the moment could become even more awkward with Ricky starting to apologize, Andy interjected.

"It's a great movie."

" _You_ watched the Princess Bride? And you liked it?" Rusty snickered at the idea of Andy Flynn watching a movie with that title.

"Dozens of times. It was Nic's favorite movie. And yes, I liked it."

"It's still one of my favorite movies," Nicole said.

"Don't let the name fool you. It really is a great movie," Ricky agreed. "It's not just some sappy girly love story. It's funny."

"And full of swashbuckling adventure," Andy added.

"Swashbuckling?" Rusty was still skeptical.

"Yeah, you know, pirate stuff, sword fights. When we get back to LA, we'll have a movie night and watch it together. It's one of your mother's favorites too."

"Not that there is anything wrong with sappy girly love stories," Sharon ruffled Ricky's hair as she walked past him to sit beside Andy on the couch. "And as far as pets go, let's remember that against my better judgment, I let you get a lizard."

Andy turned to look at her. "You had a lizard?"

"I didn't have a lizard, Ricky did."

"After she refused to let me get a snake."

Sharon shivered at the memory. "No snakes in my house. We compromised on the lizard…What?" She asked at Andy's grin.

"Nothing. I was just thinking-you're the master negotiator at work AND at home."

"Yes, well, that negotiation came back to bite me on the…well, rear end," she said, keeping it clean for the little ones who were laying on the floor playing 'Chute's and Ladders'. "Ricky broke his arm playing Pop Warner football and guess who had to clean the lizard cage?"

"Terrarium," Ricky corrected.

"Cage, terrarium, whatever you want to call it, I had to clean it."

"Aw, Mom, you know you developed a nice little relationship with Draco."

"If by nice little relationship you mean I stopped nearly having a nervous breakdown every time I had to pick him up, then yes, I did."

Andy squeezed Sharon's hand. "You have a great mom, Ricky. If I'd ever had a lizard my mother would have let it die before touching it."

* * *

White wash!" Ricky raced out from behind his fort like a World War 1 soldier charging out of the trenches and chased Emily with a large pile of snow in his hand.

"Don't you dare!" She shrieked, slipping on the ice as she tried to avoid being slammed in the face with the pile of snow. "Ricky stop, I can't afford to hurt my foot again."

Ricky stopped, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Oh, you're good sis."

"What's a whitewash?" Scott asked, ducking his head behind the wall of snow that protected him from the snowballs whizzing overhead. Everyone had gone out to the front lawn bundled up against the cold to help the kids build a snowman, after which Ricky had suggested building forts, picking teams and having a snowball fight.

Andy grinned at the boys and bent to pick up a pile of snow before approaching Sharon with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "I'll show you what a whitewash is." Seeing what he was all about she turned to make her get away but he grabbed her by the coat before she could bolt.

"Andy, Andy stop!" Her tone was far more commanding that Emily's shriek.

"Just trying to educate the boys."

"Andy I mean it-"While trying to twist out of his grip, they both lost their balance and fell back into a large snow bank. Andy rolled on top of her his eyebrows twitching in what he thought was a menacing manner but which only made Sharon giggle.

"I've got you just where I want you pretty maiden."

"Andy." Her voice grew low, threatening. "I swear to God if you whitewash my face there will be a certain part of your anatomy that will not be functioning properly for the rest of this vacation."

"You wouldn't."

"Oh, wouldn't I?"

"You'd be cutting off your nose to spite your face."

Sharon lifted her knee. "Try me."

Andy dropped the snow and quickly rolled off her. "Okay, you win."

"Oh for goodness sakes. She can't knee me in the balls."

With that statement, Sharon felt an icy handful of snow smashed forcefully into her face.

"Now that boys, is a whitewash."

Gasping and sputtering, Sharon quickly rubbed the snow out of her eyes so she could see her assailant. There she stood, familiar hazel eyes dancing with mirth, her hands on her hips and a cocky smile.

Sharon rose, eyes narrowing in her best Darth Raydor glare. "Christine Mary O'Dwyer Simmons, YOU are going to pay for that."

"Oh yeah, who's gonna make me?"

Before Christine could even blink Sharon had hooked a foot behind her calf and pulled her feet out from beneath her so she fell into the same soft pile of snow, then treated her to her very own whitewash.

"That's enough girls." Colleen had come out of the house when she'd heard the car drive up and was surveying her daughters with a shake of her head. "You two sound exactly like you did when you were eight and nine years old."

Sharon and Christine grinned at each as Sharon extended a hand to help her sister up out of the snow. "Good to see, sis." She said.

"You too." Christine pulled her into an exuberant hug. "Where the hell did you learn how to do that? I didn't even see it coming."

"You don't mess with a cop, Chrissie."

"Geez. I guess not."

Andy watched the sisters with amusement. This was a completely new side of Sharon. "You must be Christine," he said stepping forward with interest. There was no denying the two were blood. Though Christine was a little shorter than Sharon was and as he got closer he noticed that her eyes were hazel rather than Sharon's vivid green, they shared the same porcelain and rose complexion dotted with a few whimsical freckles and the same thick auburn hair, though Christine wore hers in a shorter pixyish cut while Sharon's fell over her shoulders in waves. If he had to classify them, he'd call Christine cute, while Sharon was beautiful. Then again, he might be a touch biased. No one, in his eyes, could hold a candle to his Sharon.

"Must be. And you must be the very dashing Andy Flynn." After shaking his hand, Christine looked him up and down. "You're even better looking in person." Andy laughed at the flirtatious flutter of her eyelashes.

Sharon groaned. "For God sake Christine, do you have to say absolutely everything that pops into your head?"

"Uh, yes." Christine was as irreverent as Sharon was circumspect.

"Are they always like this?" Andy turned to the heavyset bearded man who was also watching with amusement.

"Pretty much."

"Hey Ed." Sharon stepped into the big man's embrace.

"Hey, gorgeous. I don't know how you do it Sharon; you get more beautiful every time I see you."

"Quit flirting with my sister." Christine's protest was belied by her affectionate smile.

"Just stating facts. The O'Dwyer girls are something to look at, wouldn't you say?"

"I would," Andy agreed.

"Andy, this is my brother in law Ed Simmons. He's not even Irish but he's got the gift of the blarney. Ed, Andy Flynn."

"Nice to meet you."

"You too. You're a cop right?"

"Yes, a lieutenant with the LAPD."

"And Sharon's your boss."

"Yep." Andy grinned, not at all put out by that fact. "Best boss I've ever had.

"I bet. So, what's that like? Is it kind of sexy, being bossed around by your girlfriend? That can be a turn on."

"Ed!"

"Actually, sometimes it is."

"Andy!" Sharon shoved at him with her shoulder.

"What? I'm just saying…. "

Sharon cut him off, turning to the rest of the family. "Why don't we all go in for some hot chocolate? How does that sound? "

"It sounds like you're changing the subject." Andy fell in step with her as everyone began heading back toward the house. "And you're turning a pretty shade of red."

"Must be a hot flash."

"Yeah, that's it." Andy chuckled at her discomfort.

"You need to behave. " Sharon pointed a warning finger at him, which only made Andy laugh harder.

"There you go again, getting all bossy. " He leaned in closer so only she would hear. He didn't want to completely embarrass her. "It is a turn on, you know."

"Andy Flynn you're incorrigible." Her reprimand was laced with amusement. This boyish, playful, slightly naughty side to Andy had always been irresistible to her.

"Mmmhmmm. And you love me for it."

Oh yes she did.

* * *

Once inside the foyer, with coats and hats removed, there were hugs all around. Sharon was hugging her youngest niece Bridget who was in grad school and had come down from Massachusetts with her parents when she saw Christine hugging Ricky. Her sister's eyes clouded over with pain, but it was only for an instant and anyone who didn't know her as well as Sharon might have missed it. By the time she had pulled back, to look up at her nephew Christine was grinning and teasing him about his scruff.

"Hard to believe this tall young man came from your body, isn't it?" she said to Sharon.

Sharon turned wistful. "It is. I can still remember so clearly how easily he fit in the crook of my arm."

The sad look touched Christine's face again compelling Sharon to take her hand, squeezing it gently. Their eyes met, acknowledging that pain without a word.

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

A/N I just wanted to drop another word of thanks to all of you reviewing this story. You have no idea how much it means to a writer to know there are people out there not only reading your work but enjoying it. You keep me motivated. Thanks.

 _Silent night! holy night!  
_ _All is calm all is bright  
_ _Round yon virgin mother and child  
_ _Holy infant so tender and mild  
_ _Sleep in heavenly peace!  
_ _Sleep in heavenly peace_ _  
_

 _Silent night! holy night!  
_ _Son of God love's pure light  
_ _Radiant beams from thy holy face  
_ _With the dawn of redeeming grace,  
_ _Jesus, Lord at thy birth  
_ _Jesus, Lord at thy birth_ _  
_

 _Silent night! holy night!  
_ _Shepherds quake at the sight  
_ _Glories stream from heaven afar  
_ _Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia  
_ _Christ the Saviour is born  
_ _Christ the Savior is born!_ _  
_

* * *

Christine gave a low whistle of appreciation as she watched Sharon deftly chop carrots and butternut squash with the efficiency of a Reality TV chef. "Where did you learn to chop like that?" She asked.

"Andy."

"Andy cooks?"

"Mmm…When he was growing up he had to help out in his grandparent's Italian restaurant. Since then he's loved to cook and he's been helping me with my less than impressive culinary skills."

"Italian? I thought he was Irish like us. It is Flynn, right?"

"Yes. Andrew Patrick Flynn. Irish on his father's side, Italian on his mother's."

"Ahhh…is that why we're having lasagna along with the ham as part of Christmas Eve dinner? Is it an Italian thing?"

"Actually, it's an Andy thing. The Italians have a tradition called "The Feast of Seven Fishes". They serve seven different seafood dishes on Christmas Eve. "

"And just where did you learn that?" Christine leaned in and snagged a carrot, grinning when Sharon swatted her hand away.

"Where do you think? It was part of Andy's Christmas celebration when he was a child, but without a big extended family around him in California it was just too much food, so he started making his mother's lasagna instead and it became his and Nicole's tradition. I decided to give it whirl and surprise them, hopefully make them feel more at home. I called his mother for her recipe. Usually it calls for tiny meatballs and sausage but Andy gave up red meat so this is a vegetable alternative. Sylvia swears no one will know the difference. I guess we'll see."

"Just don't tell Ed what's inside. It's like pulling teeth for me to get him to eat vegetables—and his cholesterol is through the roof." Christine continued to watch her sister stir spinach leaves into a big bowl of ricotta cheese singing, "I'll be Home for Christmas" along with Andy Williams. Shaking her head, she grabbed a bottle of chardonnay from the refrigerator and poured them each a glass, asking, "Who are you, and what have you done with my sister?"

"What do you mean?" Sharon accepted the glass of wine and took a sip.

"Come on Share. You've never exactly been Martha Stewart. You always said you hated cooking; now you've morphed into Giada De Laurentiis."

Sharon smirked. It was true. Back when Emily and Ricky were growing up, cooking meals had been just another responsibility she had to deal with on her own, right up there with laundry, grocery shopping and paying the bills. After working a full day at the PSB, sometimes longer, driving out to St. Joe's to pick the kids up at their after school programs, settling them in at home and refereeing their squabbling, she was ready to kick off her high heels and curl up to relax with a glass of wine. Instead, she had to prepare a decent healthy meal for them. She did her best to create balanced menus, but the crock-pot and the microwave had become her best friends. After supper, while the kids sat at the kitchen table doing their homework, she would help them in between washing the dishes, cleaning up and packing their lunches for the next day. Once she had them bathed and tucked in with a story or two, she would do laundry or catch up on some work before crashing in her own bed with a book. Most nights she was lucky if she made it through a whole chapter before falling asleep. By the time her alarm went off in the morning and it was time to start the process all over again, it often felt like she had just closed her eyes.

"I used to look at cooking as just another chore on an endless list of chores. But with Andy, it's fun. His love of cooking is infectious. I've started to enjoy it—at least when we're cooking together. He's taught me a lot and it's just kind of nice to have that time together to unwind at the end of the day. We have some of our best conversations while we're chopping and sautéing together."

Christine sighed. "You're lucky. The only thing Ed can cook is scrambled eggs, and he'd never think to lend me a hand."

Sharon smiled at her sister. Christine liked to gripe about her husband, but there was no doubt how much she loved the man.

"I am pretty lucky. Between Andy and Rusty's boyfriend Gus, who works as a cook, we've been eating very well lately, even without all the fat and red meat."

* * *

"Everything okay?' Andy asked later, when they were dressing for the dinner party and midnight mass.

"Yes, why do you ask?" Sharon slipped the back of her earring on then turned to face him.

"I noticed a moment between you and your sister earlier today when she was hugging Ricky."

"Mm…The perils of being engaged to a detective. Nothing gets by you."

Andy's eyes lit and he took her hand, a swell of love and pride filling his chest at his ring back on her finger, hopefully for good this time. "I like hearing you say that…engaged. But, you're right, it didn't get past me. I know it's been a long time but your mom and I were just talking about that this morning. You never get over losing a child and with Ricky being the same age as her son would be?" He shook his head sadly. "I can't even imagine."

Quick tears burned in Sharon's eyes at just the thought of losing her son. "I don't even want to imagine."

Back when they were in the "getting to know you" phase of their relationship, Sharon had opened up to him about the death of her nephew. Like Sharon, Christine had married right out of college, but unlike Sharon, her marriage to Brian O'Connor had seemed perfect. Their first daughter Jillian was a honeymoon baby, born a year before Sharon had Emily. Then a year after Emily, Bridget had come along. Despite living on different coasts, the three girl cousins bonded easily during Sharon's vacations home.

Christine got pregnant a third time and after two girls, she and Brian longed to round their family out with a boy. Sharon had just given birth to Ricky when Christine found out that the baby she was carrying was also a boy. The sisters were thrilled and hoped their two sons would be just as close as Emily, Jillian and Bridget were. But, Joshua Michael O'Connor was born only 25 weeks into Christine's pregnancy. He weighed barely over a pound-and died almost three weeks later. It had been devastating for the whole family. Family leave did not exist at the time and Brian had to keep working. Chris was recovering from her c-section and wanted to spend every second at the hospital but Colleen had recently broken her leg hiking in the White Mountains leaving her unable to take care of Jill and Bridget. Brian's parents were divorced and he did not have a good relationship with his mother, so, still on maternity leave, Sharon had flown back east with three year old Emily and baby Ricky to help. Figuring it would be hard for Christine to see healthy, thriving Ricky while her own tiny baby was fighting for its life, she had taken all four kids out to her grandparent's house on Nantucket, while Colleen and William were there to support Brian and Christine.

Sharon remembered that time as more like a blur rather than a vivid memory. It had only been six weeks since she had given birth. She was nursing Ricky who was proving to be a much more demanding baby than Emily had been and was still not sleeping through the night. On top of that, she had to chase, entertain and take care of three little girls between two and four. It was exhausting. Her postpartum hormones were already wreaking havoc with her emotions and the added grief of seeing her little nephew covered in wires and tubes, along with trying to comfort her sister, was almost more than she could bear. But she did. Bear it. Because even though her heart was breaking. Even though she'd flown back to the east coast knowing that her marriage, barely five years in, was already in serious, serious trouble, she simply didn't have the luxury of falling apart. Her family needed her and that was that. Somehow, she was able to dig in and find a way to summon reserves she didn't even know she had.

Ironically, Christine's marriage died first. Not slowly and painfully the way Sharon's had, but sharp and quick. Chris and Brian simply never recovered from their child's death. Brian wanted to try again right away for another son, while Christine was afraid to take a chance and go through that grief again. She was happy with just having her little girls. For Brian, it was a deal breaker. Before the ink was even dry on the divorce papers, he had remarried and quickly had two more children with his new wife. Both were girls.

A few years later Chris hired a landscaping company to do some work on her yard and met the owner, Edward Simmons. It was a perfect fit. Ed was 10 years older than Chris, divorced with two teens about to head off to college and was perfectly happy to help raise Christine's daughters without wanting any more children of his own. Chris went back to school, got her masters in music history and was now the head of the music department at a private school in the Massachusetts Berkshires.

"She adores Ricky," Sharon said. "But it's not surprising that there are times it's still hard for her. I suppose if we lived closer and she saw him all the time it would be different. Each time she sees Ricky she wonders what Josh would look like since they would be the same age. Would he be as tall as Ricky is? Would his voice also be changing? You know those kinds of things. "

"It's good that you two can talk about it."

"Mmm.. I worried about that in the beginning. I was afraid it might come between us. But Chrissie isn't like that. She can love Ricky without resenting him or me for being lucky enough to have him. Can you help me with my necklace please?" She lifted her hair and presented her back to him so he could fix the clasp on the delicate white-gold chain with its tiny pearls and Celtic cross. When he'd finished she turned around leaving her hair up.

"What do you think?"

Her dress was strapless in a deep shade of emerald that matched her eyes. A sheer illusion scalloped lace overlay with elbow length sleeves covered her from her shoulders to her nipped in waist. The sheath style hugged her gentle curves in all the right places and she'd finished off the look with a pair of knee high black suede boots he'd always found incredibly sexy. That combination of classy with sexy was something Andy had never found in another woman. "You look stunning…as always."

Sharon smiled, warmed by the way he always made her feel so beautiful. "Thank you, honey, but I meant my hair. Do you think I should wear it up or down?"

"You'll look gorgeous either way, but…" He threw his tie around his neck and took a step toward her pulling at the hand that held her hair up to allow it to fall in auburn waves to her shoulders. Reverently he thread his fingers through the silky mass. "You know how much I like you to wear it down. I love your hair."

"The feeling's mutual." No middle aged balding or comb-overs for her man. Andy's full head of thick dark silver tipped hair contrasted beautifully with his tanned skin. Her silver fox was sexy as hell. She felt herself flushing at the memory of the previous night, his head between her thighs, her fingers digging into his hair, clutching and tugging at the short strands insistently while he pleasured her in that way they both enjoyed.

As if he knew what she was thinking Andy's eyes met hers, mutual appreciation and desire starting to flame. His lips brushed over hers in a kiss that started out tender, but quickly blazed, tongues tangling before he broke away to trail his mouth along her jaw. His words were muffled against her skin. "Is it wrong that I want to fuck you right before we go to church?"

"Andy-"Sharon's breath caught in her chest, a wave a lust running through her veins. From the very beginning, Andy had proven to have an uncanny ability to throw her off balance in a way that was completely new to her.

He grinned, that lazy sexy half grin that did nothing to dampen her libido.

"It's not wrong," she said reaching out to grab the two ends of his tie. "But we can't. We're already dressed and we have to be down to dinner in a few minutes."

Her hands were trembling as she began knotting his tie. Andy still wondered over the fact that he could have this kind of effect on her. Sharon presented such a self-contained reserve to the outside world, but on the inside, she was a warm, passionate, responsive woman, at least with him.

"There," she said when she finished. She took a step back and admired her work. Suspenders in a cranberry and emerald paisley pattern held up Andy's dark dress slacks and his green tie matched her dress. She'd watched him choose the green one over the cranberry one after seeing which dress she was wearing. Taking a step toward him, she couldn't resist running the back of her fingertips over his cheek. "So handsome. You look like you stepped out of the pages of GQ."

"Spoken like a true woman in love." His smile widened until it brought out his dimples. Oh damn, the man was killing her.

"Spoken like a woman who tells the truth."

Andy lifted her hand, toying with her engagement ring. He wondered if he would ever get used to seeing it there, or if it would ever stop giving him a thrill. Somehow, he doubted it. Other than his sobriety, he'd never worked as hard for anything in his life as he had to win Sharon Raydor's heart. And he'd never wanted anything more than to spend the rest of his life with her. That ring was the proof that somehow he'd been able to do both.

* * *

Colleen paused for a moment and stood back to take in the elegance of her fully set dining room table, extended by three leafs to accommodate the large family gathering. Everything was perfect, from the Irish linen and crystal to her best English lace fine china and silver. Red and white poinsettias surrounded by wreaths of holly created festive centerpieces and long flickering candle tapers added a touch of warmth .It had been a long time since she'd had her entire family home for Christmas and she was enjoying every minute of it.

"Okay everyone," she called out. "Dinner's ready."

As the family made their way into the dining room, everyone was too focused on the food to notice that Andy and Sharon were slightly anxious and a bit fidgety. A large ham caramelized by brown sugar and dotted with cloves sat in the center surrounded by bowls of fluffy white mashed potatoes, steaming fresh green beans and almonds, gooey sweet potatoes, corn swimming in butter and a large casserole dish filled with the cheesy lasagna, it's top browned nicely.

"Okay," William said, once everyone had found seating. "Who would like to say grace before I start carving this ham?"

Andy cleared his throat nervously. Sharon gave him an encouraging look and they both stood. "Before we say grace," Andy began. "There's uh, something Sharon and I would like to share with you." He waited until everyone stopped chattering and turned to look at them expectantly before continuing. "Earlier this week, I asked this beautiful lady right here to marry me."

Sharon wrapped her arm around Andy's waist, almost melting into him.

"What did she say?" Ricky called out amongst the excited squeals.

With a smile that lit up her whole face, Sharon lifted her hand, finally showing off her beautiful diamond engagement ring.

Andy was beaming with pride. "Thank God, she said yes."

With that affirmation, everyone jumped to their feet and surrounded them with laughter, hugs and kisses and plenty of admiration of Sharon's ring.

"I can't believe you kept this a secret all this time." Emily admonished her mother as she examined the glittering diamonds.

"It's only been a few days," Sharon said. "And we thought it would be more special to do it tonight with everyone here."

Christine pushed forward, arms crossed under her breasts. "Okay sis, now we want all the romantic details."

"Sorry, I'm afraid that's confidential."

"Oh come on, Auntie Sharon," Bridget wheedled.

"Yeah, come on Auntie Sharon," Chris grinned. "At least tell us where he proposed."

"Well…I suppose I can tell you that much." In a touching gesture, Sharon rested her head lightly on Andy's shoulder. "We had a lovely dinner sitting by the fireplace at the Inn and then he took me on a moonlit horse drawn sleigh ride up through the woods to this gorgeous gazebo. It was all lit up with white twinkling Christmas lights. That's where he asked me."

"Did you get down on one knee, Dad?" Nicole wanted to know.

"Of course I did. Gotta do things by the book with this lady."

Sharon smiled tenderly at Andy. "It was all very romantic. The most romantic night of my life." That drew a chorus of "Awwwsss…."

"Congratulations, son." William put a hand out to take Andy's in a firm handshake. "You be good to my girl."

"Yes sir. Always."

Colleen's gaze moved from Andy back to Sharon. It was no wonder her daughter seemed to radiate love and happiness when she'd spoken of Andy and of their relationship, and that she'd finally seemed at peace. Stepping forward she cupped Sharon's lovely face in her palms. "Honey, I couldn't be more pleased for you." She kissed her child's cheek and then turned to Andy opening her arms to him. "Welcome to the family, Andy" she said. And with that, she enveloped him in a warm embrace of acceptance.

* * *

"Sharon this is delicious." Andy took another helping of lasagna. "I can't believe you made my mother's lasagna."

"Are you sure it's good?"

"Just as good as Nonna Sylvia's, even without the meatballs and sausage," Nicole assured her.

"It's delicious," Ed said, shoveling in a mouthful, oblivious to the soft giggles as Christine's eyes met Sharon's across the table.

"So." Ricky stabbed his fork into another slice of ham. "When's the wedding?"

"Well." Sharon grew uncharacteristically flustered as all eyes turned back to her and Andy. "We haven't gotten that far yet. We've just become engaged. There are a few…things we need to work through."

The table went silent, the joy of just a few moments ago dampened.

"What do you have to work through?" Ricky pushed. "I thought you said yes."

"I did say yes. But, we need to decide where we can have the wedding."

"What do you mean?" Emily was thoroughly confused. "Won't you do it at St. Josephs?"

Colleen's eyes met Sharon's, devout Catholic to Catholic.

"Well, there's a problem with that. Andy and I are both divorced Catholics. We can't get married in the Catholic Church and if we get married outside the church we could be denied the sacraments."

"Oh my God, when is the Church going to join the 21st century?"

"Ricky." Sharon's tone was one of warning, but it was Andy setting his hand over the frustrated young man's and giving him a slight negative shake of the head that caused Ricky to step back from his argument.

"You know there's a way around that," Colleen said. "You could get an annulment."

"We've discussed that," Andy said. "But there are problems with that too."

"I don't think mom will have an issue with it," Nicole said. "She's been remarried a long time."

"I don't think she will either, but…"

"But Jack probably will." Sharon finished for him. Before everyone could jump in with their opinions, especially her two biological children who were looking pretty outraged, Sharon cut them off. "Look, we're happy, we're engaged, and we'll figure this out. Let's just enjoy this moment."

"Sharon's right," William said. "This is a happy day." He lifted his glass in a toast. "To Andy and Sharon, the future Mr. and Mrs. Flynn."

"Well…" Sharon hemmed, lifting her glass with everyone. "That's still up for debate."

With everyone clinking glasses and questioning Sharon on whether or not she would keep her last name no one noticed the pointed looks shared between Ricky, Emily and Nicole.

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

_Chestnuts roasting on an open fire  
_ _Jack Frost nipping at your nose  
_ _Yuletide carols being sung by a choir  
_ _And folks dressed up like Eskimos  
_ _Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe  
_ _Help to make the season bright  
_ _Tiny tots, with their eyes all aglow  
_ _Will find it hard to sleep tonight  
_ _They know that Santa's on his way  
_ _He's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh  
_ _And every mother's child is gonna spy  
_ _To see if reindeer really know how to fly  
_ _And so I'm offering this simple phrase  
_ _To kids from one to ninety-two  
_ _Although it's been said many times, many ways  
_ _Merry Christmas to you_ _  
_

* * *

"Uh, uh, uh. Don't think you can get away from me."

"Jesus! " Sharon's hand moved to her heart and she stopped abruptly, nearly bumping into her sister. "You're stalking me outside the bathroom?"

"It's the only chance I've gotten to get you alone since dinner. Come on, let's go." Christine grabbed Sharon's arm and dragged her into their father's study. "Sit down."

Unused to being ordered about, Sharon simply stood with her arms crossed under her breasts. Christine snorted out a laugh. "That look might work on your suspects and your kids, but it doesn't work on me. I've seen you naked. Come on, it's time to dish."

With a sigh, Sharon sank down into one of the plush leather chairs in the masculine room. "About what?"

"Oh, gee, I don't know, the weather, the state of the economy…My GOD, you're getting married."

Sharon glanced down at her ring with a secretive little smile. "Yes, yes I am."

"I can't say I'm all that surprised. As soon as I heard that Andy was moving in with you, I figured it was only a matter of time until you made it official. If he asked you, that is. And considering how hard to get you played, that wasn't exactly a given."

"I wasn't playing hard to get, Chris. It wasn't a game. But why were you so sure I wanted to get married? I wasn't even sure I wanted to get married again."

"Seriously? " Christine's eyes widened with surprise. "You're all about rules and tradition. Need I remind you how long you stayed married in name only to a man you no longer loved and didn't live with for 20 years? Marriage seems like a much better fit for you than living with a guy. So, tell me what it is about Andy Flynn that got you to throw all the rules out the window and let him move in with you. I mean I get that he's good-looking and very sexy. He obviously worships the ground you walk on; he's good with the kids, he-"

"Are you going to sit here and list all my fiancé's attributes or are you going to let me participate in the conversation?"

"By all means, participate away. But before you do, I have one very important question."

"Yeesss…"

"Is he as good in bed as he looks like he would be?"

"Oh my God." Sharon's eyes rolled up to the heavens. "Chrissie, I'm not going to discuss how good Andy is in bed."

Christine grinned at the flush now staining her sister's cheeks. "That good, huh? I thought so. The guy oozes sexuality. Must be the Italian in him. Italians are supposed to be the best lovers, you know. So, does he…You know?"

"Does he what?"

"Does he really rev your engine?"

Sharon shook her head in a combination of exasperation and amusement. Christine was as bad as Gavin. "You're not going to let this go, are you?"

"Nope." Christine handed her one of the small glass cups of eggnog she'd brought with her.

"Okay, fine. This better be the high octane stuff." Sharon accepted the cup and took a healthy sip. It was indeed laced with spiced rum. "That probably wouldn't be the term I would use, but yes, Andy does really rev my engine."

"Damn, I knew it."

Suddenly they were teenagers again, curled up on their twin beds discussing their latest crushes and Sharon felt her reserve melting away. "I've never been with anyone who makes me feel the way he does," she admitted.

"Really? " Christine leaned in, eager to hear all the sexy details. "What does he do? Is he kinky?"

Now it was Sharon's turn to snort a laugh. "It's not like that. We aren't living out '50 Shades of Grey'. He doesn't have some kinky bag of tricks, though he is experienced and he does know what he's doing that's for sure. But that's not what I meant. It's more like when he's with me, intimately; he's completely focused on me. With Andy it's really making love and for me that's more erotic than anything."

"Oh absolutely. Other than a wham bam thank you ma'am there's nothing worse than a guy just going through the motions so he can get off."

Sharon nodded. Before Andy, her sex life had been pretty much non-existent for a very long time. There had been exactly two men between Jack and Andy but neither had lit any sparks sexually or emotionally and certainly nothing serious had come of either short-lived relationship. Andy's lovemaking had restored her repressed libido and brought her body back to life. She trusted Andy and because of that, she was a different kind of lover with him, more spontaneous and uninhibited. The intensity and reverence he brought to sex, combined with a tender playfulness and joy, was something she had never experienced before.

"Okay, so he's good looking and good in bed, but after Jack and all that time alone, what made you decide you wanted to get married again?".

"Well, it's not like I'm jumping into anything. I've known Andy for a very long time. You know how they say the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference? "

"Mmmm…"

"Well Andy and I have never experienced indifference. There's always been a spark between us."

"A nice way of saying you couldn't stand each other." Christine knew of their rocky beginning.

Sharon shrugged. "Yes, in the beginning that energy was pretty negative. Andy likes to say we're fire and ice." And he also liked to add, with a touch of male pride, how his fire had finally melted her ice. However, that had taken some time. Handsome and irreverent, Andy had a mischievous bad boy side that many women found irresistible. He'd certainly drawn the attention of many women in the LAPD. But not her. At least not then. Bad boys had been the bane of her existence in FID.

"I didn't really get to know him until my last couple of years in FID when I began working more closely with Major Crimes, " Sharon said. "Before that, I thought he was just a good looking, hot headed, smart-ass, womanizer. Once I took over Major Crimes and I got to know him better I was able to that under that tough exterior was a man who was really quite charming, funny and compassionate and who is also very, very good at his job."

Christine gave her a sly grin. "And you were attracted to him."

"And I was attracted to him. But I did not intend to let our friendship progress into anything more than it was. "

"Why?"

"Why? Well, let's see. There was the little fact that I was still married."

Christine brushed that off with a wave of her hand. "That was just a technicality. You could have taken care of that at any time. Which you finally did, thank God. What was the real reason?"

Sharon sighed. "The risk. Oh my God, Chrissie, there were so many risks with getting involved with Andy.

"But you said it wasn't against policy for you two to date."

"No, it isn't. But just because it's not against policy doesn't make it a good idea. If we had gotten involved and things hadn't worked out, it could have destroyed the team. I've seen it happen and Andy actually lived through it with two detectives who were on the squad before I took over. It got so bad that one of them had to transfer out."

"I guess having to work with someone you'd been in love with would be pretty awkward, especially if it was a bad break up."

Awkward was the least of Sharon's worries. No, her worries had centered on protecting her heart from pain. With her feelings for Andy already running deep even before they officially started dating, it was hard to imagine how she'd feel if she completely let him in, if she allowed herself to fall in love with him and he decided to walk away. Having to see him and work with him every day, having to listen to him talk about other women in his life, no that wouldn't be awkward, it would break her heart. Those were the worries that had kept her up at night.

"I'd worked very hard to make our team a cohesive unit. I didn't want to do anything to disrupt that balance. So I told myself I didn't want or need romance in my life." And she certainly did not want or need to be hurt again.

"Everyone needs a little romance in their life."

"Yes, well, that's easy to say. But romance can open you up to a whole lot of things that I wasn't sure I wanted to deal with again. I mean a romance can upend the whole balance of your life. And my life was good. I'd sold my house and bought the condo. I'd worked through the loneliness of my empty nest." She paused at her sister's skeptical raised brow and amended, "For the most part, anyway." She would always miss her children. "My kids were in a good place. I had good friends, and being assigned to Major Crimes was my dream job. I didn't feel like anything was missing. "

"Come on Shari-baby. This is me you're talking to. Are you really saying you weren't lonely?"

Sharon gave her a dirty look for using the Frankie Valli song nickname she'd hated, and that Christine knew she hated, and then pondered the question for a moment. Loneliness? It was an emotion she was well acquainted with. When Ricky left for college, joining Emily in flying the coop it had left her completely on her own for the first time in her life and she'd struggled with a deep sense of loneliness. Her focus for so many years had been on her kids so when they were no longer a part of her every day world, that had been a huge adjustment. But she'd worked her way through it and had built a fulfilling life, a life that didn't include being vulnerable to any man. She'd had to cultivate a "stay away" vibe at work and consciously or not, she'd carried that shield into her personal life when it came to men.

She'd thrived in that independent life, had even come to enjoy the peace and quiet of solitude. To be able to eat what she wanted and when she wanted. To sit and read a book without any interruptions. To go to bed at night and not toss and turn worrying about Ricky or Emily coming home after curfew.

Was she lonely? She hadn't thought so. Sure, there were times when she felt something was missing, times when she'd longed to come home and have someone to curl up with and share her day. Times when the condo seemed so quiet and empty. Times when she had watched couples walking on the beach hand in hand or gazing into each others eyes at an outdoor cafe and she would feel a yearning inside for that kind of connection. To feel that kind of love, not the love of child or friend, but that of a lover, a soulmate. Times, as a healthy red-blooded woman with needs when she'd had to admit that the nights were very long when you were alone. But she wasn't actively looking for that someone. It was only after Andy had become such an integral part of her life, taking up so much space in her heart, body and mind that she'd come to realize just how much she'd been missing. "I'd grown used to not having a man in my life. And thanks to Jack, I know I put up some pretty high walls to keep them out. But yeah, of course there were times I was lonely."

"So what happened?"

"I don't know. Andy happened. Once I'd finally divorced Jack and put all that behind me, it was so freeing. Like something that had been hanging over me for so long was finally gone. But it was also a little scary."

"Well, yeah, because you couldn't use the 'I'm a married woman excuse as a crutch anymore."

"Exactly." There had been safety behind that ring even if she didn't wear it anymore and she'd used it for a long time to keep Andy at arm's length and to shield herself from her emotional response to him. "I thought once I was free Andy might try to barrel right through the walls. He's not a patient man, to say the least. But he didn't. He tore them down so slowly I almost didn't notice him doing it. And the more I let him in, the more I got to know him, the more I fell for him."

"Enough to marry him."

"Obviously. I'm wearing his ring. Believe me. I didn't think I'd ever get married again. I thought I'd accepted being alone. " The idea of a man having the kind of control that Jack had had over her while they were married, emptying her bank accounts, destroying her credit, threatening her income and her pension when she asked for a divorce was enough to make any woman run in the other direction. But she wasn't any woman and she wasn't the naïve young woman who'd rushed into marriage with Jack. It was a risk sure, and she'd never been a risk taker. But Andy was not Jack. Not by a long shot.

"One thing that both Rusty and Andy have taught me is that sometimes the best things in life happen when you put yourself out there, open your heart and take a risk."

"Oh my God, Shar. That sounds like a Hallmark movie. "

Sharon laughed. "It does, doesn't it? Well even though I loved Andy and I trusted him, when he brought up buying a house together, living together, it made me nervous. It seemed like such a big step and it was like Jack's shadow was hovering over me, reminding me of all the bad things that can happen when you merge your life with someone else's. But it turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. I was happy and content to be sharing our lives that way, but as soon as Andy asked me to marry him it was like something clicked inside me and I knew just how much I wanted more."

"Marriage."

"Not just marriage. I want to stand in front of God and our friends and family and make those sacred promises to each other. I want that spiritual joining. Oh, I don't know. It's so strange, Chris. I didn't expect to feel as strongly as I do about this, but when he got down on one knee in that gazebo and held out that ring, I realized that there was nothing I wanted more in this world than to marry him."

"It only proves how well Andy knows you."

Sharon smiled. "He does know me and I know him, warts and all. He's the one for me Chris."

"So, talk to me, tell me what you love about him."

Sharon's face softened as she began to contemplate her fiancé. "Let's see. I love that he makes me laugh and that we have fun together. I love that every time he walks in a room he makes me feel special. I love that he's filled with passion, for his family, for his sports teams, for his job…for me. I love that he has this grand sense of romance. I love that he's strong _and_ gentle and that he's not afraid to try new things. I love how open he is with his emotions and that he says exactly what he thinks whether you want to hear it or not and sometimes whether he should even say it or not. I love that even though he's no a saint, he's learned from his mistakes and continues to grow as a person. I love how sweet he is with his daughter and step-grandsons and the relationships that he's building with my daughter and my two sons. I love how much he wants us all to be a family and that he respects me, not just as his Captain or as his girlfriend but as a woman."

"And it doesn't bother him-you being the boss?"

"Not at all. I don't know, maybe it would be different if it were a job that he wanted, but Andy likes the hands on stuff. He likes being in the field kicking in doors and clearing out crime scenes, not meeting with the chief and balancing a team and budgets. Andy values being a team player and getting the job done regardless of your sex. When we were in conflict, it wasn't because I was a woman. It was because he didn't believe that I was really one of them, a member of their team. He's not threatened by strong women."

"Most strong men aren't. It's the weak ones who are threatened."

"Mmmm…Andy's certainly not weak." She smiled into her eggnog remembering the many times that Andy had gotten in her face to argue his point. Of course that was a few years ago when she'd been in FID and then had just taken over Major Crimes. But even now he had no problem questioning her or arguing a point, he just did it in a more respectful manner. "He's no 'yes man'. He challenges me and makes me think and look at things in different ways. I've learned a lot from him and I think he's learned a lot from me. I find that incredibly stimulating. "

"I have a feeling that's not all you find stimulating."

Sharon gave a soft laugh at Christine wiggling her eyebrows. "No, that isn't all. I know he can be tough and cynical but he has a smile that makes it impossible for me not to smile back. I think I fell in love with that smile before I fell in love with him." Sharon leaned back in the chair and crossed her legs. She knew she had a type. Many of the people she was drawn to were outgoing and enthusiastic, people who liked to tell jokes and could hold a room with great stories. They were the Leo's of the Zodiac, self-confident, dominant and extremely difficult to resist. Jack was a Leo and while Andy was a sexy, intense, stubborn Scorpio, he did share some of those Leo traits. At least that's what she'd learned from her friend Summer who believed in all that astrology stuff.

"Does it scare you that he's a recovering alcoholic?" Christine said it softly; unsure of whether she should have brought it up or not.

"You know it really doesn't, not anymore. It did in the beginning, but now it's just part of who he is. I went through so much with Jack and his drinking, but being with Andy I've learned that alcoholism is like every other disease, there are different degrees and different responses to treatment. Jack has an addictive personality. If it's not alcohol, it's smoking, if it's not smoking it's gambling, if it's not gambling it's making money. There is a weakness in Jack, an insecurity and that plays out in his addictions."

"Interesting. He always came off to me as so full of himself."

"It's all an act. Underneath that act he's just a scared little boy running away and hiding from his fears and responsibilities in a bottle."

"Hmmm….And that's not Andy?"

"No, that's not Andy. Andy's drinking began as a way of coping with all the horrific, depressing and frustrating things he had to deal with every day on the job and because of the stress that brought on his marriage. He tries to hide it, but Andy feels things very deeply and he's had to learn how to cope with that. He was what some call a functional alcoholic. He never drank on the job and unlike Jack; he never lost his job because of his drinking and he never missed a child support payment. He was able to continue rising in the ranks while his personal life fell apart. I dealt with that a lot over at the PSB. Being a police officer is one of the most stressful jobs out there. About one in four cops become alcoholics. I'm not making excuses for him, because many of us don't turn to alcohol, but I do understand how it can happen."

"It makes sense that some would try to anesthetize themselves. The world can be an ugly, violent place and you guys see that up front and personal. "

"Yes we do. But, however it started for each of them the one thing they have in common is how much it hurt their families. The main difference is that Jack has not been able to stop. I blamed him for that for a long time. It took me awhile to understand that his addictions are stronger than whatever he felt at losing the kids and me. Now I just feel sorry for him, for all that he missed and is missing."

Christine rested a hand over her sister's. "It is his loss, Sharon. You're an amazing woman and you've raised two amazing kids. It's a real shame that he isn't able to see that."

"You're right, it is. But Andy did see that. Losing his daughter was rock bottom for him. It made him step back, take a good look at himself, and decide who he wanted to be and what was more important to him. Did he want to keep drinking and stay numb, or quit and try to rebuild his relationship with Nicole? He chose his daughter and hasn't looked back since. He joined AA and has been sober for 20 years. He's helped dozens of other people, especially other cops and detectives; navigate their way through the program. He's 100% committed to staying sober and continuing to heal his relationship with Nicole. I've been a witness to that for several years now so I know it's not just lip service. He's done everything he can to make up for the past, move forward and make himself a better person. Is he perfect? Of course not. But then again none of us are."

"It would be pretty boring if we were."

"Exactly. We're all human. We all make mistakes. The difference is that some people face their demons and make the necessary changes, like Andy, while some just seem to repeat their mistakes, never learning any lessons, like Jack. Yes, I'm afraid something could happen and cause Andy to fall off the wagon. But if that happens, I'll be right by his side to help him back up. I guess the way I look at is, if Andy had had cancer, would I not marry him because I was afraid the cancer might come back? Of course not. I'd marry him and promise to help him fight it if it did come back. The same goes for his drinking."

"I never thought about it that way, but you're right. I guess it all comes down to, is your life better with this person in it?"

"Definitely yes. Better and happier. I know this may sound corny but I really feel like Andy coming into my life has been a miracle. Like I've waited a lifetime to feel this kind of connection and happiness and now I'm at the point where I can't imagine my life without Andy in it. And as scary as that is, I can't let myself be worried about something that might or might not happen in the future. None of us knows what might happen on the road ahead. I just want to be on that road with Andy.

"I understand what you're saying. I've been there. Sometimes you just have to trust and follow your heart if you don't want to live half a life. God, look what you've got me doing? Now _I'm_ the one sounding like a sappy Hallmark commercial. "

Sharon smirked and gave a shrug of her shoulder, but it made her think. Had she been living half a life? If she had, it had been a very good half a life, focused on her children, her friends, her job and a few outside interests. If anyone had asked her if she was happy, she would have said yes. Then Andy had come into her life and he had definitely made it richer, fuller and more complete. Only then had she really understood that something had been missing and that Andy now filled that void completely and totally. "To tell you the truth, ever since the kids moved out I've felt like my best years were behind me, but I don't feel that way anymore. It's nice to be looking forward again, not backward. It's exciting and energizing. I know this is going to sound strange coming from a middle aged woman, but I feel like in some ways my life is just beginning, or at least beginning all over again."

"Not strange at all. I felt like that when I married Ed" She raised her glass of eggnog in a toast "To a brand new happy life, full of love and new adventures."

With a nod of agreement, Sharon smiled and touched her glass to her sister's. "Slainte."

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

_O holy night! The stars are brightly shining  
_ _It is the night of our dear Savior's birth  
_ _Long lay the world in sin and error pining  
_ _'Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth  
_ _A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices  
_ _For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn  
_ _Fall on your knees! O hear the angel voices!  
_ _O night divine, the night when Christ was born  
_ _O night, O holy night, O night divine!  
_ _O night, O holy night, O night divine!_ _  
_

 _Truly He taught us to love one another;  
_ _His law is love and His gospel is peace  
_ _Chains He shall break, for the slave is our brother;  
_ _And in His name all oppression shall cease  
_ _Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we  
_ _With all our hearts we praise His holy name  
_ _Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we  
_ _Noel, Noel_ _  
_

* * *

Sharon held Andy's gloved hand as they followed William and Colleen up the long walkway to a large stone church. St. Marys. Snow crunched under their boots, their breath fogging in front of them. It was a clear frigid night, the stars shining brightly in the black sky. Sharon shivered and hunkered deeper into her long wool coat. Her dad teased her about it but years in sunny Southern California really did seem to have thinned her blood.

"Papa Andy." Tyler fell in step with them. "It's gonna be really, really late when we leave church tonight. Do you think we'll see Santa?"

Sharon gave Andy a sidelong glance, biting back a grin. They had been following the NORAD Santa tracker all night on the computer and she had just heard Nicole tell the boys that Santa was still far from North America. However, true to form, when their mom or dad told them something they didn't want to hear, they turned to Papa Andy who often gave them what they wanted. Nicole called him a sucker. He called it being a grandfather.

"Sorry, kiddo. I think your mom's right, this time. Besides, you don't want to see Santa."

"Yes we do."

"No, you really don't."

"Why not?"

"Because if you see him the magic's gone and he disappears."

Tyler's eyes widened and now Scott was listening to every word. "So we wouldn't get any presents?"

"Nope. The presents come with the magic."

"Oh…" Tyler sounded a bit shocked by that news. "Then I'm gonna keep my eyes closed all the way home."

"Me too," Scottie vowed.

"Good idea," Andy agreed.

"I don't think we're going to have to worry about it," Sharon said as they began climbing up the stairs. "If they're anything like my two when they were little they'll be sound asleep by the time we leave church."

Andy opened the door, allowing Sharon to pass before following. Inside the vestibule, they both paused to dip their fingers in the fonts of holy water, crossing themselves before entering. The church was dimly lit, the sanctuary covered in fir garlands and red ribbons, the altar surrounded by dozens of large flowering red poinsettias. Each pew was decorated with garland, a big red velvet ribbon tied in a bow and a white candle. Organ music filled the chamber with the soft beautiful strains of "Oh Holy Night", which just happened to be one of Sharon's favorite Christmas hymns. The scent of frankincense permeated the air, bringing with it the sense of familiarity and peace that it always did for her when she entered a church.

There was something mystical about midnight mass. It brought back all the feelings of enchantment that Sharon had felt as a child. The rituals, the Christmas hymns, the excitement of being allowed to stay up so late, the strangeness of being at church so deep in the night and best of all the titillating possibility of seeing Santa and his reindeer flying across the night sky. All of it had been as magical for her and Chrissie as it later had been for Emily and Ricky, and now Tyler and Scottie.

But for all that, her feelings as an adult ran so much deeper. Reaching out to thread her fingers through Andy's, she looked down the pew at her parents, her children, her soon to be stepfamily, warmth spreading through her. She truly was blessed. She had a man in her life that loved her with all his heart and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. Her parents were aging gracefully, her children were healthy, and with Nicole, Dean, and the boys, that family was expanding in ways she'd never expected. She couldn't remember ever being as happy as she was right now.

The only blemish on that happiness came when she turned from her family to take in the beautifully decorated altar. The sharp twinge in her heart caused her hand tighten on Andy's and she had to blink back the quick sting of tears. When she thought about marrying Andy this was where she pictured herself. Standing at an altar covered in flowers, making their promises to each other in the presence of God. But what if they couldn't make that happen?

As if he could read her mind, Andy looked over at her with a smile. Just a few hours ago, she'd tried to explain that smile to Chrissie, but it was hard to convey the power that it had over her. That smile could lighten her day and cause her knees go weak with lust. It could fill her with tenderness and make her heart soar with joy. And best of all there were times like tonight when it had the power to make her feel like no matter what happened; everything was going to be all right.

After a brief moment of silence that got everyone's attention, the organist began the loud joyous strains of "O Come All Ye Faithful" which began in Latin but would eventually switch over to the English translation. The sanctuary lit and the congregation rose for the opening procession; the swinging thurible of smoky incense, ministers carrying the cross and candles, the deacon carrying the Book of Gospels and finally the priest. Standing at Andy's side listening to the voices rise in the call of the faithful, the sense of peace she had experienced upon entering the church washed through her again. She smiled back at him. It didn't matter what Jack signed or didn't sign, as long as she had this man by her side, everything else would sort itself out. And with the joy of that peace, her voice joined his in the beautiful hymn.

 _Adeste, fideles,  
_ _Laeti triumphantes,  
_ _Venite, venite in Bethlehem!  
_ _Natum videte,  
_ _Regem angelorum  
_ _Venite, adoremus!  
_ _Venite, adoremus!  
_ _Venite, adoramus!  
_ _Venite, adoramus Dominum!_ _  
_

 _O come, all ye faithful  
_ _Joyful and triumphant  
_ _O come ye, o come ye to Bethlehem  
_ _Come and behold Him  
_ _Born the King of Angels!  
_ _O come, let us adore Him  
_ _O come, let us adore Him  
_ _O come, let us adore Him_ _Christ the Lord_ _  
_

* * *

Trying not to wake anyone, especially the kids, Andy nearly tip toed down the stairs. When he got to the living room he found it dark, save for the blinking lights on the Christmas tree. They must have forgotten to shut them off when they all finally stumbled off to bed after returning from midnight mass and putting the kids gifts out under the tree. His feet barely made a sound thanks to the plush carpet runner, but he cursed at the loud click the lock on the front door made.

"Andy?"

"Jesus Christ!" Andy spun around, going for the gun that was not on his hip. He was barefoot, in new red and green plaid flannel pajama bottoms and a dark green waffled t-shirt-a gift from Sharon. It was an O'Dwyer/Raydor tradition that everyone got new pajamas on Christmas Eve in preparation for pictures Christmas morning. It was easy now to see where Sharon got her love of tradition and holidays and how she'd passed that down to Ricky and Emily who had been waiting eagerly, like little kids, for their new pajamas. Though Rusty was still fairly new to the whole tradition thing, he was sitting in the big overstuffed chair in front of the Christmas tree wearing the same new pajamas, but with a red shirt instead of green. "Are you trying to really give me a heart attack?"

"You just got engaged. You're not running out on my mom, are you?"

"Yeah, barefoot in my pajama's. Don't be ridiculous."

"Then what are you doing creeping around in the night like a cat burgler?"

Andy rolled his eyes at the description. "We ate the cookies the kids left for Santa, but we forgot the carrots they put out for the reindeer. I told your mom I'd come down and grab them." Andy sank down on the couch across from Rusty. "Why are you still up?"

"I dunno, I just couldn't sleep."

"Too excited about your presents? "

Rusty gave him an amused smirk before his face turned serious again.

"I've been thinking a lot. Being here this week, getting to see where mom grew up. Now the holiday. Before I started living with Sharon, I never celebrated Christmas. Most of the time my mom was so strung out she didn't even know what day it was. Even if she had remembered that it was Christmas, she didn't have any money for a tree or presents or a big Christmas dinner. And we sure never went to midnight mass or watched Christmas movies or baked Christmas cookies together. My first Christmas with Sharon I acted like I thought it was all pretty lame, but that isn't really how I felt. I like that she gets so into it-even when she makes me watch 'White Christmas' with her."

Andy chuckled. "It is her favorite Christmas movie."

"Sometimes when I listen to Emily and Ricky and they're telling stories about what it was like for them growing up I feel like that little match girl in the story they were talking about the other day. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I'd been born to Sharon. If I'd had the chance to grow up with her as my mom and always had these big Christmas's with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. To be tucked into bed at night with a Christmas story from the 25 Days of Christmas. To decorate gingerbread and sugar cookies and make popcorn and cranberry garland while we listened to Christmas carols. To sit in front of the tree watching all those classic Christmas movies together, even those cheesy Hallmark ones she loves. To spend a day making ornaments out of pinecones that she'd put on the tree no matter how ugly they were. And let's face it, Ricky's were pretty ugly."

Having recently seen some pictures of Sharon's earlier Christmas's when her kids were young Andy could only nod in agreement. "They really were pretty ugly."

"I mean, I know it wasn't perfect. I know they had some hard times because of Jack. But Emily and Ricky were really lucky to have a mom like Sharon."

"Yes, they were. And so are you. Sharon's a very special person and she's an incredible mom. I'm sorry you didn't get to have those kinds of Christmas's when you were young. But you get to have them now. And I bet they mean even more to you because you don't take them for granted. I had a lot of lonely Christmas's after my divorce and for a long time I was filled with anger and bitterness and regret. It ate at me and I wasn't a very happy person. But since I met your mom, I find it's a lot easier not to look back. I'm happy here and now in the present and that's what's important. I'm looking forward to my future. And so should you. You've got a lot going for you Rusty, don't let your past take away the enjoyment of your present."

"Mmm.." Rusty hummed in way that was very reminiscent of his mother, biological or not. "That's not always easy."

"Are you missing Gus?"

"Maybe a little."

"It's too bad he couldn't come."

"It's probably for the best."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, you know…" He gestured toward his grandparent's bedroom.

"You know they know you're gay, right?"

"Uh, yeah. Mom told them right after I came out. But knowing it and seeing it are two different things."

Andy's brow furrowed. After moving in with Sharon, he had become privy to some of the more personal details of Rusty's love life. He knew Sharon had given Rusty the okay for Gus to spend the night at the condo, yet he'd never done so. It had become quickly apparent that Rusty's inability to embrace his homosexuality publicly seemed to be a sticking point in his relationship with Gus and had been for a long time. But he'd kept that observation to himself. Which was funny, really. He'd never been shy about offering up his opinions on just about anything. He'd made no bones about his disdain of Slider when Rusty was doing his vlog and had no problem calling the kid out when he thought he was being selfish or taking advantage of Sharon, but unless Rusty had come right out and asked, he'd steered well clear of offering advice on his love life. As if by some unspoken, tacit agreement, he and Rusty had never discussed

Rusty being gay. Andy always just figured it was awkward enough for any teen to talk about anything sexual with a parent, let alone for a gay son and the heterosexual live in boyfriend of his mother, so he hadn't pushed it. At least that was what he tried telling himself. The truth was more along the lines that he felt awkward about it, and he wasn't sure why. Maybe it was time to man up and just get it all out in the open. He took a deep breath and finally asked, "Are you ashamed of being gay?"

Rusty's eyes widened with surprise and he began to squirm. Fighting the urge to simply get up and leave, he clutched at the soft fabric of his pajama bottoms in an effort to quell his anxiety. Where had that question from? He'd gone to Andy a few times for advice and had seen the discomfort on the older man's face when he'd inevitably asked, "Is it about you and Gus?" As if he would go to Andy Flynn for dating advice. The very thought made his gut clench. Andy was a macho guy's guy, notorious within the department for his appreciation of beautiful women and serial dating. At least until he'd fallen head over heels for Sharon and set out to win her heart. How could a man like that understand him? "No….Well, uh…I was…I guess I tried to deny it for a long time. I wanted to be normal. I wanted people to think I was normal. There was even a time I thought I might be able to fix it."

"By seeing Kris?"

"Yeah. That didn't work so well. I really liked her, and I tried, but I couldn't like her THAT way."

"You know you don't need to be fixed, right?"

"I do now. Mom helped me see that. She said I was normal just the way I was and that she loved me no matter what."

"Your mom is pretty great that way."

"She is. "

"So, why are you still trying to hide it?"

"What do you mean? "

"Rusty, you had a big fight with Gus because he tried to hold your hand in public. Every time he touches you in front of other people, you flinch away from him."

Rusty paled. Gus was always riding his ass about that; he had no idea that his discomfort had been so obvious to others. "You noticed that?"

"Hard not to." He'd also noticed that when they all watched a movie together, Sharon would lay her head on his shoulder, while Rusty made it a point to sit alone in a chair, never next to Gus on the couch. Yet, many times when he and Sharon came home from work or a night out they'd often found the boys sitting together on the couch. It seemed to be only a problem when others were around.

"I guess I am still a little uncomfortable with it." Looking up into Andy's face, he saw none of the recriminations that had twisted the features of his biological mother. Instead, the honest curiosity and compassion in Andy's eyes compelled him to open up about his deepest fears. "It's just; I don't want to be those guys that picked me up on the Strip."

"Oh my God. Is that what you've been worrying about? Rusty you have nothing in common with those guys, anymore than I have anything in common with straight pedophiles that molest little girls. Sex between two consenting adults has _nothing_ to do with what you went through. Gay or straight those guys who prey on underage kids are criminals."

"I know, I do know that. It's just…My biological mother said some things to me and I can't seem to get them out of my head."

"Oh yeah, what did she say?" This ought to be good if it came out of the mouth of Sharon Beck.

"She said my being gay was disgusting to her and that knowing what I was is what made her turn to drugs. It's also one of the reasons she and Gary dumped me at the zoo."

Andy gave a rumble of disgust. "Rusty, that's what addicts do. They blame other people because they don't want to blame themselves. Did you tell your mom about this?"

"No. She knows I fought with my biological mother but I couldn't tell her the terrible things she said. I mean, obviously mom knows about my past, that I was hustling, but she doesn't know all the dirty details. And I don't want her to know, because I never want her to be revolted by me. I couldn't stand that. I need her…I need her to love me."

Andy shook his head with regret. Sharon Beck had sure done a number on this boy. Between growing up with her as a mother and having to sell his body at such a young age, it was no wonder the kid had an issue with his sexuality and intimacy and that he equated sex with being dirty and degrading. It was a good thing that Sharon had gotten him into therapy. He hoped that Dr. Joe was helping him work through all that. "Rusty, we can't change the past or any of the choices we made but your mother loves you no matter what you've done. That's the thing about unconditional love, there aren't any conditions attached to it. You are your mother's son and she is so proud of you and all that you've accomplished. "

"I know she is. It's just …Sometimes I don't feel worthy of that. She's always been a great mom to me, from the first day she took me in, but I haven't always been the greatest son."

"No, you haven't."

Rusty's head snapped up at the blunt response. One of the reasons he trusted Andy was because he was a "tell it like it is" kind of guy and didn't waste time sugar coating things. Still he hadn't expected him to agree so readily.

"Look kid, in my experience teenagers can be a fucking nightmare. I know I gave my own parents some gray hair and I'm sure Emily and Ricky share some of your feelings now that they're grown. Your mom has the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known. She has this huge capacity for love and forgiveness. Hell, she fell in love with me and I used to call her the wicked witch of FID."

Rusty snorted. He hadn't heard that one before, but it didn't surprise him. He'd had a front row seat to the animosity Sharon had faced when she'd first taken over Major Crimes.

"She knows everything about my past, all my flaws, all the mistakes that I've made and she still agreed to marry me. Because she knows, people change. There's a saying we use in AA, 'Don't let yesterday take up too much of today.' Most people have something in their pasts that they aren't proud of, we all make mistakes, but who are today isn't always who we were."

Rusty nodded. He sure wasn't the same person he'd been at 15, living on the streets, selling his body and living in fear every single day. But there was one fear he still had, a question that had always been there in the back of his mind but that he'd left unasked. A topic he'd never quite been sure how to bring up. Taking a deep breath he figured it was now or never. "I answered your question, now it's my turn to ask you something."

"Okay, shoot. "

"Well, since you're going to be my step- father sometime in the near future, there's something I need to know before that happens."

"Okay."

"When I was coming out…It was really hard for me. That was mainly because of you and Lieutenant Provenza. The two of you, you were the only real men in my life and I was afraid you might be….well…"

"Homophobic?"

"Maybe, yeah. And now I know that you're not. I mean you've been great to me and you've been great to Gus. You've never treated us with anything but respect and you're friends with Gavin and Dr. Morales and Dr. Joe and all. But when you and mom first started looking for houses and I was worried that I might be in the way, you said that if my mom thought you were trying to get rid of me she'd flip out, so I need to know. How much of your acceptance of me is because you want to please my mom? Does it bother you that I am…the way I am? I need you to be honest with me here."

Andy took a deep breath knowing that his future relationship with his step -son might very well hinge on the way he answered this question.

"Look kid. Was I always sympathetic or understanding when it came to homosexuality? Probably not. But you have to remember, I grew up in a time when no one talked about it, and if they did, it was whispered as if it was something shameful. Then I joined the LAPD in less than politically correct times. Things were different back then. Everything was a stereotype. I honestly believed there were no gay men on the police force, in the fire department, or in professional sports. It sounds stupid now, but that's the way it was. We were ignorant. Then AIDS hit and it forced guys out of the closet. I had a friend on the force that had to come out. "

"What do you mean, "Had to"?"

"In the 80's if you got AIDS, you pretty much died."

"Oh." Rusty swallowed tightly. He'd been worried about AIDS too while he was hustling. "You said he was your friend. Did you think about him differently after you found out?"

"At first. I mean it was a shock. Like I said, I had an idea of what a gay man was in my head. Steve was tough, a jock, he didn't fit the stereotype I'd been taught to believe at all. Like I said, I was pretty ignorant back then. I had no idea that for years he'd been living a double life, pretending to hit on women when we all went out to bars, then sneaking off to gay clubs to pick up guys. He lived every day with the fear that people would find out who he really was and how they would react. That's no way to live."

"I remember feeling like that. I thought for sure Sharon was going to throw me out when I finally had the guts to tell her and then I was really afraid to come out to all of you. I thought it might change how you felt about me. I tried to get Mom to do it for me."

Andy gave a soft snort. That sounded like Rusty. "Bet that didn't go over too well."

"No, it didn't. Your friend, Steve. Did he die?"

"Yes. He did. I went to visit him in the hospital. You could tell he wasn't gonna make it, he'd wasted away to nothing. His mom was there but his father wouldn't visit him. I was pretty pissed about that. I just can't see how any father could justify not being there with his son when he's dying, you know?"

"Sounds pretty shitty."

"It was pretty shitty. He wouldn't listen to Steve's mother, so I called him, told him how sick Steve was, and asked him to come and say good-bye. He refused. All he kept saying was that he didn't understand how a son of his could be gay."

"Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Do you understand how someone can be gay?"

"I…uh…Well, there are a lot of things I don't understand. I don't understand how your mother can be a Packers fan over the Rams when she's never even come close to living in Green Bay. But I do understand her passionate love of football."

Rusty rolled his eyes at Andy's attempt at levity. "You're avoiding the question."

"Yeah, okay, you want the truth? Here it is. Do I understand being attracted to another man? No, I don't. Not any more than you or any gay man can understand my attraction to women. But I'll tell you what I do understand. I do understand attraction. And I do understand love. And I also understand that we can't make ourselves love people or not love people and we can't help who we are attracted to. You found that out with Kris. I found it out with my ex-wife and with Sharon. I tried to force myself to love my ex after I'd fallen out of love with her because I wanted my marriage to work. I couldn't do it, because you can't make yourself feel something you don't feel. And then, falling in love with your mom, I mean that was just crazy. The odds were stacked pretty high against us. She was still married, on paper anyway, she was my boss and there was a time when we argued all the time. We were fire and ice."

"I remember that."

"Even once we got past the FID stuff, we're so different. She is a beautiful, cultured woman and I'm a street kid from Brooklyn. She's fancy French restaurants and I'm hot dogs at Coney Island. She's Mozart and I'm Jimmy Buffett. She had a bad marriage to an alcoholic and I'm a recovering alcoholic. She's a cool play it by the rules and I'm an impatient, push it to the edge. We weren't supposed to click. I mean none of it made any sense. But as they say, the heart wants what the heart wants and my heart wants your mom. I understand that."

"Mmm…Mom did have a pretty heavy duty case of denial going there for a while."

"It's never easy when you've had a bad relationship to allow yourself to trust in a new relationship."

"Well, you're nothing like Jack."

"Really?" Andy raised a brow. "I've heard some people say we're pretty similar."

"Not in the ways that matter. The way you treat Mom is so different from the way Jack treated her. You don't try to manipulate her to do what you want the way Jack did. You don't hide things or have ulterior motives. You don't try to guilt her to do what you want or use the people she loves to get at her. Those are all the kinds of things I've seen Jack do. You respect her. You do things you don't want to do because you know it will make her happy and she does the same thing for you. And even though Jack's known Mom a lot longer than you have, you seem to know her much better than he did."

"You think?"

Rusty nodded. Because of the trauma and abuse he'd gone through each time his biological mother brought a new boyfriend home, he'd watched Andy's relationship with Sharon carefully and warily. Expecting the worse, what he had seen instead was a lesson in true love.

A lesson brought home by the way his mother lit up when Andy walked into the room and the sappy adorable smile she'd give him when he brought her home flowers "just because". It was the way she'd lovingly changed his bandages after his surgery and the way she fussed and worried about him while he was recovering. It was in the affectionate way she played with the buttons on his shirt or stroked his tie and the way she was always careful to wipe her lipstick off his face each time she kissed him. It was in the way she would take his hand in public, intimately threading her fingers through his.

It was in the way that Andy picked up her favorite Thai food for dinner because he knew she'd been busy and had to skip a meal and wanted to make sure that she had something to eat. It was the way he brought her Advil and green tea after seeing her rubbing her temples, instinctively knowing she had a headache. It was the way he opened doors for her and held out her chair and the way he guided her along with a hand resting protectively on the small of her back. It was the way he would swing her legs onto his lap and give her a foot massage after seeing her wince when she took off her high heels at the end of a long day. She didn't have to ask, he just did it

It was a million little things that to others might have gone unnoticed, but not to Rusty. At work, Andy might be brash, tough, and impatient but with Sharon, he was always attentive, thoughtful and gentle.

"When I was living with my biological mother I saw a lot of the bad stuff in relationships; rage, violence, cheating, but watching you and Mom and the way you support each other and take care of each other has shown me how people are supposed to love each other."

Andy's brow lifted with surprise. After initially seeming to be okay with him and Sharon dating, Rusty had grown increasingly squeamish when their relationship progressed to the point that they were visibly affectionate with each other and even more so when he had begun spending the night at the condo. There was nothing unusual about that and Andy hadn't let it bother him. No son liked to think about his mom having sex, even if he liked her boyfriend. He got that. But he hadn't realized just how much the kid had been paying attention to the other aspects of their relationship. "I appreciate you telling me that. It means a lot for me to hear you feel that way. But I want to get back to your initial question because it's important to me that you know this. No, it doesn't bother me that you're gay and I'm not just saying that just because I love your mother and want to please her. I care about you Rusty, and I want you to be happy. Male, female, black, white, rich, poor, gay, straight, we're all just people and if there is anything I've learned through my experiences it's that all that matters is trying to be the best person you can be. I think that's all you can ask of anyone."

Sitting in the stairwell Sharon's eyes burned with tears, her heart swelling with love. Her conversation with Christine still fresh in her mind, it was hard to believe there had been a time she'd thought Andy was a jackass.

Andy looked at his watch. "You might want to head off to bed, I have a feeling those two boys are going to have us up at the crack of dawn."

Rusty laughed. "I think you're right. They were definitely excited. " He rose to his feet and stood awkwardly for a moment before finally gearing up the courage to do something he'd never done before. Leaning down he gave Andy a quick half shoulder hug. "Thank you," he said. "For being honest with me. I'm, uh, glad you're marrying my mom."

Andy's lips quirked in amusement as he watched the boy quickly disappear toward his bedroom. What a difference from the enthusiastic, "Andy, welcome to the family!" bear hug Ricky had given him after he and Sharon had announced their engagement.

Sharon's two boys could not be more different.

Rusty Beck was a hard nut to crack, no doubt about it. In comparison, Ricky was easy. He'd hit it off right from the start with Sharon's eldest son, even before they were dating. Ricky was as open and friendly as Rusty was wary and guarded. He had an infectious, fun loving personality, not unlike that of an overgrown puppy. You couldn't help but like the kid. And he and Ricky had so much in common. They shared a near obsession with the Dodgers and other sports and never had trouble striking up a conversation, most of them revolving around baseball, football, basketball and hockey. And when he found out the kid liked to fish, one of his own favorite pastimes, he'd set up a deep sea fishing trip for the two of them off the coast of Catalina. They'd listened to the Dodgers on the radio, soaked up the sun and caught an almost 20 pound halibut. It had been a great day, both enjoying each other's company. When they got home, they'd grilled fresh halibut steaks out on the condo balcony and told fish stories to Sharon, Rusty and Gus well into the night. The trip had been such a success and they'd had such a good time together they talked about going out again to try to catch Marlin, only this time Sharon and Gus wanted in on the action which left him hopeful that Rusty might give it a try.

It was easy with Ricky in ways it had never been easy with Sharon's prickly youngest. With Rusty he'd often felt like he was walking on eggshells. The kid was moody and sensitive and had a chip on his shoulder a mile wide. It hadn't been easy to find a way to reach him. Rusty usually turned to his laptop when he and Sharon put a sporting event on TV, he didn't even know the difference between overtime and extra innings and he found fishing a colossal bore. Yet, somehow, Andy had been able to forge a bond with the boy that grew stronger every day. They cooked together, played chess and cards, competed against each other in video games and when the new season of 'Game of Thrones' came out they could both be found, along with Sharon, in front of the TV sharing a big bowl of popcorn.

"Hey."

At the touch of a hand on his shoulder, Andy was brought out of his thoughts, looking up to see Sharon smiling down on him.

"Hey, what are you still doing up?" He took the hand she rested on his shoulder and kissed the back of it.

"I was waiting for you to come back to bed," she said, allowing him to pull her down onto his lap. "When you were taking so long I got worried."

'How much did you hear?"

"Enough. Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

"Considering how long it took you to say it, I can never hear it enough."

Sharon cupped his handsome face in her palms and leaned in close. "I love you, Andy Flynn," she said just before her lips touched his.

And Andy could not think of a better way to finish off Christmas Eve then necking with his lady under the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree.

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

A/N Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to review this story. You have no idea how much it is appreciated.

 _Have yourself a merry little Christmas  
_ _Let your heart be light  
_ _from now on  
_ _our troubles will be out of sight_ _  
_

 _Have yourself a merry little Christmas  
_ _Make the Yule-tide gay  
_ _from now on  
_ _our troubles will be miles away_ _  
_

 _Here were are as in olden days  
_ _happy golden days of yore  
_ _Faithful friends who are dear to us  
_ _gather near to us once more_

 _Through the years we all will be together  
_ _If the Fates allow  
_ _hang a shining star upon the highest bough  
_ _And have yourself a merry little Christmas now_ _  
_

* * *

Snuggled down deep under the down comforter with the furnace that was Andy spooning her from behind, Sharon woke to sound of little feet in the hall, excited whispers and sleepy voices urging quiet. She smiled and stretched a little. Normally she would have cuddled back in against her man and fought for another hour of sleep, but it was Christmas morning and though it had dawned dark and cold, she felt a frisson of excitement run down her spine. When she lifted the blind on the window next their bed, the sun was beginning to rise over the Sound and she saw that they had received another few inches of snow overnight, the evergreens heavy with it. Winter Wonderland, indeed. Rolling back over she pressed her lips to Andy's shoulder. He stopped snoring but didn't awaken.

"Annn…dy" she drew out his name softly, continuing to press little kisses along his neck up to his jaw. "Andy," she said again, this time drawing her fingertip down from his forehead over his nose. His eyes fluttered open and he smiled when he saw her leaning over him. "Merry Christmas," she said, just before she kissed him.

He lifted a hand, brushing the tangle of her hair back off her face. "Merry Christmas, sweetheart," he mumbled, his voice raspy with sleep.

"I heard the boys, I think they'll be in here soon to get us up so they can unwrap their presents."

"You're the only present I want to unwrap."

"Yes, well…" She shivered as he slid a hand up under her pajama top, tickling the skin on her belly. "I think you might have to wait until tonight for that particular present."

"I don't like to wait."

She laughed and kissed the tip of his nose. He sounded just like an impatient little boy. "No kidding."

A soft knock on their door drew them apart. "Dad, Sharon, are you awake?"

"Barely. Come on in, Nic."

Nicole opened the door slightly, saw that they were indeed awake and allowed Ty and Scottie to run in and jump up on the bed.

"Santa came! Santa came!" the boys cried out while bouncing up and down.

"You were right," Tyler said to Sharon. "Santa did find us in Connecticut. Just like he used to find Ricky and Emily."

Scottie hopped off the bed. "Come on Papa Andy. " He grabbed Andy's hand attempting to pull him out of bed. Before Andy could move, Guinness came running into the room and jumped up on the bed, stomping all over them to get to their faces so he could cover them with wet, smelly dog kisses. Sharon squealed and pulled the covers up over her head.

"All right, all right, you little hooligans. We're getting up. Guinness down." The big Golden Retriever responded to the authority in Andy's voice and jumped off the bed. Andy then rose and lifted Tyler down before pulling the covers back off a giggling Sharon. "Coast is clear."

"My hero." She took the hand he offered and swung out of bed. "Who else is up?" She asked an amused Nicole.

"Everyone but your kids."

Andy looked at the boys with a mischievous smile. "You know what you gotta do."

They nodded and took off down the hall shouting Ricky, Rusty and Emily's names.

"You're as bad as they are," Nicole said.

"Hey, if I have to get up at the crack of dawn, so do they." Andy grabbed his robe and handed Sharon hers. Nicole left to follow the boys down the hall.

"Did you say you wanted a house full of those?" Andy raised a questioning brow. Sharon's grin broadened and she nodded.

"I did. You don't?"

Andy chuckled as he heard the groans and protests coming from the other bedrooms. "You know I do."

Sharon took his hand and squeezed it. She did know. The joy he took he took in spending time with family was one of the many things she loved about him.

* * *

"Mom, this one's for you. It's from Andy." Looking rather sweet and goofy, with a Santa's hat on his head, Ricky was seated on the floor among the pile of presents under the Christmas tree. Sharon took the large gift and smiled affectionately at him. When asked who wanted to play Santa, naturally Ricky had jumped at the chance. Like Andy, Ricky would always be a big kid at heart. There was a reason they got along so well.

Sharon tore methodically at the paper rather than just digging in. Inside was a large wicker picnic basket filled with all kinds of her favorite things. A bottle of her favorite Napa Valley Cabernet, a box of Harry and David Riviera pears, boxes of spiced and herbal teas, Godiva dark chocolates, her favorite daywear perfume, Jo Malone's pear and freesia and the sexy, seductive, Black Opium, her new favorite scent for romantic nights out on the town. For the bathroom he'd purchased the elegant little bars of imported French milled soaps she liked to put out in a fancy vintage bowl by the sink as well as hand cream, body lotion, bath salts, sugar scrub and soy candles all in her favorite ylang ylang, jasmine and vanilla scent from her friend Summer's essential oil boutique. Hidden in the bottom was a small box labeled "Victoria's Secret". Knowing Andy and his penchant for sexy nighties, she wasn't going to pull that one out to show the family. Nope, she would open that box tonight in the privacy of their bedroom. "Andy, this is too much," she protested.

"Says the woman who got me front row tickets to the Lakers/Warriors game next month."

"But you already gave us all this trip and my beautiful ring."

"That wasn't a Christmas gift, "he scoffed. "That's your engagement ring. Anyway, you did say when we were packing that you were getting a little low on perfume. And Summer helped me with all the body lotions and stuff."

"Well, I thank you. You did very well, with both this and my ring." She kissed his cheek and rested her head on his shoulder to watch Ricky continue handing out gifts, the boys squealing with delight each time they tore at the paper. "But you know, nothing could top this trip, all of us being here together."

Andy turned his face so he could rub his cheek against her hair. He did know how much this trip meant to her. She worried about her parents now that they were getting older and there was nothing she loved more than being surrounded by her family. One of the first things he'd noticed about Sharon, back when he still hadn't liked her very much, was how her whole being seemed to light up when she talked about her kids. Back then, she had been planning to join them and her parents in Park City for Christmas and skiing. In some ways that seemed like a lifetime ago.

Now that he'd been through the family photo albums, he understood that on a deeper level. Intellectually he knew that Jack hadn't been a part of Sharon's life for a very long time. While they were non-dating and then dating they'd had many conversations about the problems in their first marriages, but it had still been surprising to see how little of Jack he'd found in those albums. When Colleen had first brought out the pictures he had been prepared to see a lot of Sharon with Jack and their children. Yes, there had been some of those, but not nearly has many as he'd thought. Ricky was barely out of diapers when Jack just seemed to disappear. He figured there was probably a wedding album somewhere that Colleen had tactfully not brought out for him to look through, but it had been eye opening for him to see how quickly Jack had no longer been a part of the family and just how young Sharon and his kids had been when he left.

Both he and Sharon had been without partners for a very long time and both had felt something missing in their lives, so being together like this, with their entire family coming together was something that brought them both a sense of joy and contentment. And it was something he wanted to make sure they were never without again.

"You know," he said speaking softly, though with the Christmas music playing and the raucous excitement of the boys he doubted anyone could hear him. "By this time next year we should be married."

"God willing," Sharon interjected.

"Yes, God willing. And hopefully by then we'll have a new house with a lot more room. If we do, maybe we can have everyone over to our new house for Christmas. Fly your parents out, Christine and Ed and your nieces. Maybe put on a whole "Feast of Seven Fishes" for Christmas Eve. What do you think?"

Sharon's heart constricted at the eager look in his eyes. She ached to think about all the lonely years he'd spent longing to have a family to share his life with again. "Andy, I think that's a lovely idea. Provided we find a house of course. There is no way we could have everyone in the condo."

"I have a good feeling, Sharon. Everything is falling into place for us. We'll find our dream house."

* * *

"Whew, finally got the boys settled. We let them open one of their lego boxes. Is there anything I can do help?"

"It's all good." Sharon gave a quick glance up when Nicole entered the kitchen. She was bent over with her head in the oven checking on the turkey. Her mother was next to her rearranging things in the refrigerator. "The turkey is cooking and we have a lot of leftovers from last night that we can just heat up. We'll add a couple more vegetables and some stuffing, but we won't need to do any of that until we're almost ready to eat."

"We're an enlightened bunch of feminists, aren't we?" Nicole's lips twisted wryly. "All the women in the kitchen."

Sharon arranged the tinfoil back over the turkey and shut the oven door. "By choice," she reminded her, then poured herself another cup of coffee and joined the young woman at the table.

"Yes. And let's remember, your father cooked breakfast." Colleen said. "And it was delicious."

"It was, "Nicole agreed. "Dad is a really good cook. Much better than my mother-though I can't say that too loud around her."

"You don't have to worry about that with me," Sharon assured her. "I freely admit that Andy is a far better cook than I am."

That was one of the things that Nicole found so refreshing about Sharon. The woman was so confident in who she was that she didn't have any problem admitting that she might not be good at something. Her mother was the polar opposite. Sandra was insecure and defensive and did not handle criticism well.

"After my parents divorced, I didn't get to see dad as much as I would have liked, my mother did not like sharing. But when I did go over to his place for the weekend, instead of bringing me out for pizza or burgers like my other friends who spent the weekends with their dads, he'd make me these big elaborate suppers and huge breakfasts." She could still remember the eager look on his face when he placed a meal before her and his big smile when she'd tell him something was delicious. He'd always been so anxious to please her.

"It's the Italian in him," Sharon said. "Your father equates food with love. The more he loves you, the more he wants to feed you." Her face flushed at the memory of Andy wearing nothing but his pajama bottoms riding low on his hips while he cooked her a delectable big breakfast the morning after they'd first made love. Ravenous after their night of lovemaking, she had devoured not only his Sicilian French toast and bacon but also the croissants he'd heated that were dripping with black raspberry jam. Ahh, those good old days before the heart healthy diet.

"Sharon? You're a million miles away. What are you thinking?" Nicole was intrigued by the flush on Sharon's cheeks.

"Nothing," Sharon demurred.

"Sharon…"

"It's nothing really. I was just thinking that your father likes to cook for me too."

"Because he loves you." Nicole nodded and took Sharon's hand to examine the diamond ring on her finger. "It's a really pretty ring."

"It is," Sharon agreed. It was simple and elegant and she loved all the tiny sparkling diamonds. "Why don't you grab yourself another cup of coffee and put your feet up. I just brewed a fresh pot."

"Oh, that sounds like heaven." Nicole quickly moved to pour herself cup. "Nothing like having little kids to wake you up at the crack of dawn on Christmas morning."

"No, there isn't. I've missed that." Sharon ignored Nicole's sarcasm and instead took her words at face value. "It's nice having the excitement of young children around at Christmas. I look forward to the day when Andy and I are surrounded by lots of grandkids."

"Well, there may be more sooner than you think."

"Nicole! " Sharon nearly choked on her coffee. "Are you-?"

"No, no, no…Not yet. Dean and I have just started talking about the possibility of expanding our family. We've been married two and a half years now, the boys are doing well, things are good at work and, well, I think I'm ready."

"That's so exciting. Oh my God, your dad will be over the moon." Sharon glanced through the archway into the living room where Andy was stretched out on the floor building lego towers with the boys. William, Emily and Rusty were playing Chinese checkers and Ricky and Dean were watching "Christmas Vacation".

"Look at mine." She heard Andy say when the boys started fighting over who had the better tower. "It looks like the Leaning Tower of Pisa."

"What's the Leaning Tower of Pizza?" Tyler asked.

Andy chuckled. "Not Pizza kiddo, Pisa. Hey, never mind these towers, look at this. "He showed them a page from the instruction book. "We can build a police cruiser, that's pretty cool. What do you think?"

"Way cooler than a tower, "both boys agreed. All three quickly began ripping apart their towers to start from scratch.

Sharon smiled into her coffee mug. Andy was a big kid himself. Nicole's eyes followed Sharon's and her face went soft with affection.

"He really does love the boys-and they love him."

"We both do."

There was a look in Nicole's eyes that had Sharon concerned. "Is something worrying you? "

Nicole set her mug down and turned back toward the woman who would soon be her stepmother. From the first moment they'd met at the wedding, when Sharon's warmth and graciousness had put everyone at ease in what could have been a very tense situation, she'd felt comfortable with her. There was something genuine about her that made her very easy to talk with. "I don't know. Maybe, a little. Like I said, I think I'm ready, but how do you really know when you're ready?"

"Oh honey, I don't know if anyone ever really knows. I know I wasn't ready for either of my babies. "

That gave Nicole a pause. Her father's girlfriend was the most put together woman she knew. She seemed to be able to handle anything with grace and dignity. It was hard to believe that the unflappable Sharon hadn't been completely prepared to have a child, but it made her feel better to know that. "Really? But you're such a good mom."

"Well, thank you for that, but it's all trial and error, I assure you. No woman is born knowing everything there is to be a mom. Isn't that what you told me when I was pregnant with Em?" Sharon turned to Colleen as the older woman joined them at the kitchen table.

"It is exactly what I said."

"I'm afraid the boys might be jealous."

"Oh, they _will_ be jealous. They are _always_ jealous. When I was pregnant with Ricky and found out I was carrying a boy, Emily told me she did not want a brother. And right after he was born, I was nursing him and she climbed up on the arm of the chair, looked down at him with disgust, and asked me when we were sending him back."

Nicole laughed. "I'm assuming she came around. They seem to get along well now."

"She did, although they had their moments, as all siblings do."

"But they were okay with you adopting Rusty?"

"Not completely. They had some reservations, especially Ricky." Sharon's eyes clouded over when she remembered the fight she'd had with her son over his condescension and lack of compassion when discussing Rusty's adoption.

"He didn't want you to adopt Rusty? That's surprising; they seem so buddy- buddy."

"They are…now. Ricky had some, let's just call them misconceptions, about Rusty and the reason I was adopting him. Most of it was exacerbated by my ex-husband who also didn't want me adopting Rusty, but that's another story altogether. I think it really came down to jealously, as it usually does with siblings. Ricky was my baby, my only son and I think he felt that because I was adopting another boy he was somehow failing me as a son. This of course couldn't have been further from the truth."

"Siblings are siblings no matter what their age, "Colleen said. "He was afraid Rusty was taking his place and that he was going to steal your love."

"That's it exactly." And despite how annoyed she'd been by Ricky's attitude, she did know that in his own misguided way, he'd been trying to protect her. With Jack having been absent for almost all of his life, he had grown up as the only male in a house of women and he'd sometimes taken his 'man of the house' role a little too far. "But underneath the things he said I knew that it wasn't Ricky talking. That it wasn't the boy I raised. It was his father manipulating him and playing on his fears, which is the one thing Jack is really, really good at. By the end of his visit I'd set him straight and now the three of them get along great. Once they started teasing Rusty and including him in their sibling rivalry, I knew it would all be okay.

"It's nice that they were able to come around. Seeing them all now, you'd never know there were any issues. I don't know. I guess I just want to make sure it's the perfect time."

"If you wait for the perfect time to have a child it will never come. It's a huge commitment, a life changing responsibility. But you know that. You're wonderful with the boys and that can't have been easy."

"It wasn't. It isn't. I mean Scottie's easy, he doesn't even remember his mother, but Ty has some vague memories. He was only three when she died."

"Three years old." Colleen shook her head sadly.

"Scottie was barely a year old."

"Such a shame. It's hard enough to hear about someone dying of breast cancer, but for a woman to die in her twenties with two little babies at home. It just breaks your heart."

"I know. It does. They were such a sad little family. When I first starting dating Dean it felt like I was competing with a ghost and that I could never live up to Stacy's memory. It took me some time to understand that it isn't a competition. Dean loved Stacy and now he loves me."

"I think there is always a natural feeling of competition or at least curiosity when a partner has been married before, regardless of how the marriage ended," Sharon said.

"Oh, Sharon, if you've ever worried about competing with my mother-don't. I can tell you, my father never looked at my mother or any woman the way he looks at you. And I've never seen him this happy. It's as if he has a whole new lease on life. You've made such a difference for him…and for all of us. The Sharon effect, you know."

Sharon grinned. The last time she'd heard that term she was trying to convince Nicole that she and Andy were only very good friends. "He's made a big difference for me too. Did you know that it was your wedding that got the whole ball rolling between us?"

"Dad did mention something about that. And to think, he almost didn't come." Nicole gave her a smirk very reminiscent of her father.

"Yes, well, I'm certainly glad that he did. "

"Me too. It was partially my fault, you know. I hadn't planned on Larry walking me down the aisle along with dad. It never crossed my mind. My mother was the one who brought that up. It kind of made sense, dad was dad of course, but I was only 11 when mom married Larry. He helped raise me and he doesn't have any children of his own. He was good to me. It felt right to honor him too. But I knew dad was going to flip about it, so I didn't tell him until the last minute. It wasn't fair to spring it on him like that. Dad tends to over react, he has a temper and he can carry a grudge. Thank you for helping to get him past all that.

"It's all water under the bridge now. Your dad had come to terms with your decision and he was going to your wedding whether I went or not. I just helped to smooth out the edges."

"You sure did that." Her mother and her mother's family were all hard on her father and she knew the wedding was not going to be easy for him. They still thought of him as the man he was 25 years earlier, not the man he had become once he'd gotten sober. Not the man who was sorry for his past behavior. Not the man who was doing everything he could to rectify the mistakes he'd made, including going to family therapy with her to fix the wounds they each had from her childhood.

Her father might be a hot head, as Sandra liked to remind everyone, but while she loved her mother, Nicole was not blind to the fact that she was not an easy person to live with. In fact, if her father hadn't been such a mess for the few years after the divorce she would have much rather lived with him than her mother. And, even though her dad was pretty much paying for the entire wedding, her mother was simply unwilling to give him the benefit of any doubt. Everyone was convinced that he would show up at the wedding with one of the latest in his parade of Candi's, Tammi's Bambi's and Cindi's. Curvy blonds with big boobs in dresses that would be too tight and too short. None of them had been prepared for him to walk into the church with the leggy, elegant, auburn haired beauty who turned out to be Sharon Raydor. Sharon had been warm, friendly, and utterly unflappable, easily deflecting the barbs flung by her mother and the rest of the family while playing up her father's attributes. She had thoroughly charmed every member of the Estevez family and Andy's estimation in their eyes had gone up tremendously thanks to the new kind of company he was keeping.

"I liked you, right from the start. You were so different from the other women my dad dated. Not that I ever really met any of them. They were in and out of his life much too fast."

"So I've heard." Sharon had seen a few members of what Brenda Leigh Johnson once referred to as Andy Flynn's "Bimbo brigade".

"And now you're going to be my stepmother. I couldn't be happier about that."

"Me too." Sharon covered Nicole's hand with her own. It was funny, but even though they'd only spent a little bit of time together at the wedding, she'd felt a bond with the young woman that had only grown the more she got to know her. "Now my family will be even again, two boys, two girls."

"You did always say you wanted four kids," Colleen reminded her. "I guess God just had a different way of giving them to you."

"Hmmm." Sharon hummed. She hadn't thought about it that way, in fact she'd put that disappointment away a long time ago. It was true. She would love to have had more children, but ultimately not with Jack Raydor and there had just not been anyone else who'd found their way into her heart…until Andy.

Early on, as a young woman, when she still viewed the world through rose-colored glasses, when Jack was the man she'd thought she would spend the rest of her life with, she'd prayed for the big happy family of her girlish dreams. She'd had it all planned out. Four children, ideally two girls and two boys, but she wouldn't quibble on those details.

Later, when Jack was long gone and she was a lonely, harried, young single mother trying to raise two children and build a career in a high-pressured male dominated profession, those prayers had changed. Instead of more children, what she'd really wanted was to find a man with whom she could share her life. A man who would truly love her. A man she could laugh with and depend on. A man with whom she could share her burdens and build a life. Because the truth was, going through the hard times without the love and support of a partner had sometimes felt overwhelming, especially when it involved her children. Ricky's surgery to remove pressure on his brain after he'd fallen out of a tree and Emily's life threatening burst appendix had been terrifying events that she'd had to get through without their father because Jack had been nowhere to be found. Thank God, she had wonderful friends and hadn't been completely alone, but it wasn't quite the same as having someone by your side each day to support you and help you through the hard times. Someone to share both the joy and the sorrows of life's journey.

And then she'd stopped that prayer as well. Not because she didn't want a partner anymore, but because she no longer needed one. She didn't need a man to depend on; she could stand on her own two feet thank you very much. Yes, there were times when she was lonely but she had been able to build a full rich life. But, as so often happened, just as she'd gotten to a place in her life where she'd come to accept that maybe she was just one of those people not meant to find their soul mate, God had brought her up close and personal with a strong, sexy, sweet man with a cocky attitude, silver tipped hair, chocolate brown eyes and a wickedly cheeky smile. Andy Flynn.

In the beginning, she'd questioned why it had taken so long for her prayers to be answered. She didn't wear her Catholicism on her sleeve, had always felt that her religious beliefs were her own, personal and private, but her faith was strong and her relationship with her God valued very deeply. She had been taught to believe that He did things for a reason even if you didn't understand that that reason at the time, so she had finally concluded that maybe He had wanted to show her all that she was capable of on her own. To allow her to become the strong, confident, independent woman she was before giving her a man who loved her in a way that took her breath away. A man she could laugh with and depend on, a man with whom she could share her burdens and build a life. And along with that man, He grabbed that other prayer young Sharon had prayed so many years ago and brought Rusty and Nicole into her life. Four children and her soul mate. It wasn't exactly the way she had once envisioned her life, but she couldn't imagine being any happier than she was right now.

Picking up the potholders sitting on the table in front of her, Sharon rose. Nicole watched her open the oven door and lift the tinfoil over the large pan. The room immediately filled with the scent of roasting turkey as she began basting the browning bird.

With Sharon's back to her, Nicole cleared her throat her nervously and asked the question she felt only Sharon would be able to answer. "You have an adopted child and biological children. Do you think…If I have my own child…Will I feel differently about that child than I do for Ty and Scottie? I mean I love them so much I can't imagine I would love my biological child more, but I don't know. Will it be different? "

Sharon shut the oven door and set the potholders down. "I can only speak from my own experience. When I was pregnant with Emily I was so scared to be completely responsible for that little human life, so afraid I wasn't going to know how to be her mother." She turned to her own mother taking her hand. "Do you remember what you said to me when I asked you how I was ever going to know what she needed?"

"Of course. A mother knows."

Sharon nodded. "A mother knows. I thought it was just a cliché, something she was saying to make me feel better. I probably even rolled my eyes. But she was right. It took no time at all for me to be able to differentiate between the cries of 'I'm hungry, I'm wet, I'm tired, I'm overtired, my tummy hurts and I want to be held'. Right after Emily's birth, they placed that brand new baby on my belly and she looked up at me and…Oh my God. I can still feel it like it was yesterday. My heart filled with a love so strong, so powerful, I felt like my chest would explode. Later when I got pregnant with Ricky, I wondered how on earth I could feel that much love for another child. But when he was born, it was the same experience all over again. I was just as besotted over him as I had been for his sister. Now Rusty…Let's just say I was _not_ besotted by him in the beginning."

Colleen and Nicole laughed. They both knew what a difficult transition it had been for Rusty and of course for Sharon.

"But my heart did go out to him and I wanted very badly to help him. The thing is, I had years and years to get to know Emily and Ricky. I nursed them at my breast, I changed their diapers, and I taught them how to eat, how to use the potty and how to get dressed. I knew their favorite colors, their favorite books, their favorite foods. I knew how to push and how to avoid their buttons because I'd sewed them on."

Colleen nodded. "It was the same with Sharon and Christine. I'm far more emotional than my husband is and when I would yell at Sharon it barely registered while Christine would burst into tears. But when William sat Sharon down and calmly told her he was disappointed in something she'd done, she'd come out of that study with big tears rolling down her cheeks, while Christine would skip out thinking she hadn't gotten in trouble at all."

Sharon could still remember being summoned to the study and the awful sense of guilt she'd felt at disappointing her father. "Well, that personality trait has served me pretty well in my profession," she said. "If I burst into tears every time someone yelled at me, I wouldn't last very long interviewing suspects." She shuddered to think of her mother hearing some of the names she'd been called in the interview room. One guy had called her a fucking cunt and had nearly gotten Andy's fist down his throat, but she had barely blinked. It wasn't the first time someone had called her that ugly name. Thankfully, Andy had not been present the time a muscled, tattooed gang banger had grabbed his crotch with a big grin telling her "suck my cock bitch and I'll tell you what you want to know". Andy definitely would have ended up in PSB for excessive force over that one. "Anyway, I had to learn all that with Rusty on a far different level and in a much shorter time than I had with Emily and Ricky. That created some tension between us. Someone else had sewed his buttons on and I had to be careful trying not to press them. He was so different from what I knew with my other two kids."

"How so?"

"Oh my goodness, in so many ways. All my children had ever known was love and physical affection and except for a father who came in and out of their lives, stability and boundaries. They'd always had a roof over their heads and a warm bed to sleep in. They never had to worry about where their next meal might come from, or if they'd even get a meal that day. They never had to worry about whether I was going to come home at the end of the day or if each time I shot a needle into my arm, it might be the last. They never knew the terror of having a mother so doped up she didn't even recognize them. They never had to worry about me bringing strange men home, men who would bring anger, violence, and abuse into their lives. They never had to take care of me; I always took care of them. They never had to worry about changing schools over and over again, if they even got to go to school. They attended St. Joseph's since kindergarten and have lifelong friends because of that. Rusty did have to deal with all of that and more. He built walls because there was no point in getting close to people when you were just going to move on. And there was no point in making friends when you were trying to hide the horror of your home life. My kids never had to try to survive on their own when they were just children. They were innocent and sheltered and I thank God for that. Rusty was not and that is pain I feel every single day of my life.

"Oh, God, Sharon. I had no idea it was that bad. That had to be so hard for you. For him. I guess I was lucky that Ty and Scottie were so little when they came into my life and they didn't have those kinds of scars."

"Mmm…It was definitely a learning curve for me. Children are unique and you have to mother them in different ways, but I had to learn to mother Rusty in ways that were so different from what I knew. "

"How so?"

"Well, to start with, I was used to hugging and touching my kids, but I had to be careful of that with Rusty. In the beginning, I can't tell you how many times I would reach out to touch him and have to pull my hand back. Now we don't think anything of it, but it took time. I also had to be careful how I spoke to him. So many times, it felt like I was walking on eggshells. My own kids would have known that no matter how angry I got with them, I always loved them. Rusty had to learn that. I wanted so much for him to have the same kinds of experiences that Emily and Ricky had. Back when they were younger, I always had a houseful of kids, sleepovers and slumber parties and pizza parties to celebrate winning games or dance recitals. Giggling girls trying on make up, leaving nail polish and cotton balls all over the bathroom. Roughhousing boys shooting hoops in the driveway and taking over the TV to play video games, leaving their sweaty sneakers on the floor to stink up my living room. But as annoyed as I would get at times with their messes I loved having them around. My kids constantly asked me to have friends over or begged me to allow them to have a party, but Rusty never asked. He doesn't make friends easily and he always seemed so alone. It broke my heart."

"That's so sad." Nicole knew Rusty had had it rough. Her dad often talked about the boy and what a saint Sharon was for dealing with him. She just hadn't realized quite how bad it had been.

"It was sad. I told him time and time again that I was okay with him bringing friends home. I wanted to make sure he knew that the condo was his home too. But he didn't have any friends and I think my asking him about it sometimes rubbed salt in that wound. It made him defensive. It was hard to know what to say to him, when to push him and when to step back." Oh, thinking back, those early years with Rusty had been so difficult. He'd been so guarded, so prickly, so defensive, and, yes, so fucking obnoxious, but now two years after his adoption it felt as if he'd always been her son. "I think the only time I really pushed it with him was for his graduation. I'd thrown huge parties for Emily and Ricky's graduations, both high school and college, but Rusty wanted none of that. He said he didn't know or care about any of the kids he went to school with. But I couldn't let such an important day go by without acknowledging it in some way."

"You had the squad come over didn't you?"

"Yes. I had to show him that he DID have friends. They might not be traditional friends for a teenager, but he does have many people who care about him. Anyway, through all that, I have come to know Rusty now as surely as if I had given birth to him. I know all his buttons and I know what makes him tick and the day that I adopted him I felt the same swelling in my heart that I did the first time I held my babies. He is my child and I love him with the same depth of love that I have for Emily and for Ricky. I would die for all three of them and I hope they all know that. "

Blinking back tears, Rusty entered the kitchen to put his plate in the sink, his eyes glued to the floor. But as he turned to head back to the living room he paused by Sharon's chair bending down to press a quick kiss to the top of her head. "They do, Mom," he said before quickly leaving the room.

"You see," Sharon smiled tenderly at his retreating form. "There was a time he never would have done that. If you and Dean choose to have a child there will be a period of adjustment for the boys but I feel like I can tell you with certainty that it won't change the love that you have for them. Adopted or biological, your child is your child. The only thing that love has to do with blood is that it is pumped out through the heart."

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

A/N Again, just a note of thanks for the very kind reviews. We are almost at the end of this installment, but never fear, Sharon and Andy's story will continue.

 _I don't want a lot for Christmas  
_ _There is just one thing I need  
_ _I don't care about the presents  
_ _Underneath the Christmas tree  
_ _I just want you for my own  
_ _More than you could ever know  
_ _Make my wish come true oh  
_ _All I want for Christmas is you_ _  
_

* * *

Hey come here." Ricky grabbed his sister as she made her way down the hall and pulled her into the bedroom he was sharing with Rusty.

"What are you doing?" Emily protested.

"We need to talk."

"I need to pack." She looked around at the mess the boys had made in their room. "You guys better get moving too. We're leaving in the morning."

"We'll take care of it." Emily sighed. If Rusty was as sloppy as Ricky was, she knew exactly how they'd take care of it, by picking up piles of clothing and simply throwing them in their suitcases. Mom had always had to pack for Ricky.

Ricky shut the door to the bedroom and gently forced Emily to sit on the bed. "We need to talk about this wedding."

"Mom's wedding?"

"Uh. Is someone else you know getting married? "

"Ha ha. I thought you were happy about it."

"I am, of course I am. But we need to talk about how we are going to make sure that mom gets the wedding she wants. Did you see the look on her face when she talked about not being able to get married in the church?"

"I did." All the joy that had been shining her mother's eyes when she talked about Andy's proposal had been replaced by sadness when the talk had changed to the logistics of the wedding. "The church has always been so important to her and I know she wants a sacramental marriage, but what can we do? It will be up to dad to sign those papers."

"I've been thinking about that. If he won't sign them we'll make him sign them."

"And just how do you think we're going to do that? It's not like we've ever been able to make him do anything he doesn't want to do."

Ricky grew angry at the dejected look on his sister's face and he began to pace. His mom and Em were the two most important people in his life and he hated the way his father had hurt those two loving women over the years. "This time we have the upper hand." He paused, and then knelt in front of Emily. "Look, Jack says he wants a relationship with us now. So we go to him and tell him that if he wants to continue to see us he'll give mom an annulment."

"Well, if you want to get him to agree to that you'll probably want to call him dad, not Jack."

Ricky's lips twisted with derision. The truth was, Jack had never felt like a dad to him. Sperm donor was more like it. He'd been only three years old when his mother had given Jack the ultimatum to sober up and quit gambling or leave and he'd chosen to leave-on the sly, in the middle of the night after clearing out their bank accounts.

A year later when he was four and Jack was living in Las Vegas, his mother had gone through with the legal separation. After that, Jack popped in every few years, stayed for a few days then disappeared again. He saw his grandparents who lived on the opposite coast of the country more than he saw his own father and he had spent more time doing things with Andy since his mother began dating him than he could ever remember doing with his father. So, he felt he should be forgiven for not feeling any kind of familial affection for the man. But Emily was right; he was going to have to tread carefully to make sure that his mother got the wedding she deserved.

"Okay, you're right, I'll call him dad."

"It's not a bad plan, but there is something that you haven't thought through."

"What's that?"

Emily brushed at the tears that welled in her eyes. Even though she'd long ago come to terms with not having a dad in her life, it still hurt to know that her own father cared so little for her. "Dad's been given ultimatums before, and not once has he chosen his family. What makes you think he'll choose us now?"

Ricky's heart ached at his sister's pain and he rose to sit on the bed next to her. When she leaned heavily against him, he put an arm around her shoulders. Emily had been seven at the time their parents split up and she did have some memories of them as a family, some happy, others not so much, and she was always more sensitive when it came to Jack.

"He's got no choice, Em. Think about it. When did dad always come crawling back to mom?"

"That's easy. When he needed something."

"Right. Well, since the divorce and since she started dating Andy he can't do that anymore. They don't even talk, that's why he's always pumping the two of us about her love life. So, who is he going to turn to the next time he hits rock bottom? Even if he tried with mom, she doesn't have any responsibility for him anymore and Andy isn't going to tolerate him coming around bothering her. So, it's going to be one of us. And if it isn't one of us, it's going to be Uncle Phil. Somehow I think he'll choose us over Phil."

"You may be right." Emily rested her head on her brother's shoulder. She didn't know much about her father, but she did know that there was nothing he hated more than having to go to his older brother with his tail between his legs for help. She'd heard her mother use that leverage over him more than once.

"I know I'm right. Besides, what does he gain by not signing the annulment? Other than whatever petty joy he might get out of keeping mom from having the kind of wedding she wants with Andy. Mom accepted Andy's proposal. She's wearing his ring. They're getting married whether dad agrees to the annulment or not, so it's not like he is going to be able to stop the wedding by not signing the papers."

"Yeah, that's true. You know this might really work. But how are we going to do it?"

"It's the perfect time. Didn't you say you were going to stop in to see him in LA before you head down to Costa Mesa to join your troupe?"

"Yes, I'm hoping to get back into some performances by mid-January."

"Well, I'll change my flight from San Fran to LA tomorrow. We can go see Father Stan, see what we need and then go see dad together. We can spend the night at mom's and if things go well we can let her know what dad said when she gets back from New York. Then I can fly home from LA and you can head down to Costa Mesa."

Emily thought it over for moment then nodded her agreement. "Okay, so we're going to do this."

Ricky squeezed her hand. "We're going to make this happen Em. Mom's sacrificed so much to make sure we had everything we needed and wanted and that we were happy. Now it's her turn and if being happy for her means marrying Andy Flynn in a church we're going to make sure she gets that."

* * *

"Andy, would you please join me in my study. There are a few things I'd like to talk to you about."

"Uh, yeah, sure." Andy gave Sharon a slightly deer in the headlights look.

"Dad." Sharon stepped in front of him stopping his progress toward the study. "What is this all about?"

"I just have a few things I'd like to discuss with Andy man to man before he marries you."

"Oh my God. You're kidding, right?"

"Why would I be kidding?"

"Dad, I'm 54 years old, Andy is 55. You are not really giving him the "what are your intentions with my little girl" talk, are you?"

"Maybe an updated version."

"Sharon." Andy reached out, gently squeezing her arm. "It's okay really."

"No, Andy, it isn't. I'm a grown adult. I've already been married once. I have three children and I'm perfectly capable of choosing who I want to spend my life with. I don't like to be second guessed."

"I'm not second guessing you at all," William protested. "I like Andy, but I don't live in LA so I don't really know him very well. I'd like to change that before you marry him."

"Sharon, really," Andy said. "I get it. I'm perfectly happy to answer any questions your father might have for me."

"See. I like him even more already." William grinned and led Andy into his study.

Sharon rolled her eyes and turned to her mother. "Do you believe this? He's treating me like a child."

Colleen smiled tenderly. "No, he's treating you like a daughter. A daughter he loves very much. Do you feel any less protective of Ricky now that he's an adult and towers over you by 6 inches?"

"No, of course not."

"And what about Emily? She's a grown woman but you mean to tell me if she came to you and said she'd fallen in love with a man and wanted to marry him that you wouldn't want to get to know him, to make sure of his character."

"I'd like to think that I would trust her. "

Colleen snorted. "Oh really? Is that why when she was dating Tim you asked us to invite him over for Sunday dinner and report back to you? "

Sharon leveled a long look at her mother then sighed with defeat when she didn't back down. "Okay, point taken. Maybe you're right."

"I know I'm right. Besides honey, when are you going to learn? No matter how old you get you're always going to be your father's little girl."

* * *

Almost 45 minutes later Colleen watched William and Andy emerge from the study both laughing jovially.

"Well," she said to Andy. "You don't look any worse for the wear."

"No ma'am. The judge went easy on me."

"Don't let him fool you. I grilled him."

"Where's Sharon?" Andy asked.

"She went upstairs to start packing."

"Thanks." Andy headed out for the stairs and William for the living room.

"Oh no you don't." Colleen grabbed his arm. "How did it go?"

William nodded. "It went well. I like him. He's a good, strong man. Responsible, finances are in good shape. He's made some personal mistakes in his past, but he fully accepts responsibility and has worked hard to make up for them. He's no Jack Raydor that's for sure. And…."

"And what?"

A tender, wistful look crossed William's usually stern façade. "And he loves our girl. He really loves our girl."

* * *

Sharon plunked the laundry basket up on the bed. She'd done one last load of dirty clothes so she could get everything packed before leaving the following morning. Picking up one of Andy's shirts, she held it to her chest for a moment wondering what was being said in the study below. At first, she hadn't been sure why it bothered her so much that her father wanted a heart to heart with his soon to be son-in-law, other than it bruising her feminist ego. But it hit her as soon as she got down to the laundry room and had begun pulling clothes out of the dryer.

Trust. It felt like her father didn't trust her. Yes, she'd made a mistake in marrying Jack; there was no doubt about that. Both her parents had tried to warn her off marrying him, or at the very least, to get her to wait until they both finished law school before getting married. They hadn't been at all comfortable with the way they felt she was rushing into the marriage. But she'd been young and in throes of first love and even back then Jack had known exactly how to manipulate her. At 22, she'd had no defenses against that manipulation, no reason not to trust him, no reason not to be blinded by his charm. When her marriage fell apart she'd not only been hurt, she'd been embarrassed. Embarrassed that she'd chosen so poorly. Embarrassed that she'd made such a life-altering mistake. And even though her parents had never thrown an "I told you so" in her face, she knew they had to be thinking that very sentiment. Nothing had been harder than telling her parents that she was legally separating from Jack. Never had she felt like such a failure.

Now, for the first time since that separation, the first time in 22 years, she had gone and fallen in love with another man and was again getting married. So why did it feel like her father still didn't trust her to make the right choice?

"Sharon?" Sharon spun around, pulled out of her trip down memory lane. "You okay?"

"I should be asking you that." She set Andy's shirt down and moved to him, resting her hands on his hips to survey his face. "You look like you survived your ordeal."

"It was hardly an ordeal. I'm not gonna lie, I was a little nervous at first. I totally see now where your Darth Raydor comes from. "

"Andy." She slapped at his arm with a roll of her eyes getting a cheeky grin in response. In one of his many 'open mouth insert foot' moments, Andy had let slip the nickname that the team had for her behind her back. Momentarily, she'd been taken aback, even after he assured her that it was now said with great admiration, but it didn't take long for her to see the humor in it. After all, she had purposely cultivated that cool, steely look and untouchable persona while in FID, and it worked very well for her, so well, her tough guy fiancé had even admitted that he found it a turn on.

"Seriously. Your dad is a good guy. Tough, but decent. And let's face it. When a man is shagging another man's daughter under his own roof there is no way he's walking away without a talk."

"Hmph." Sharon mulled over that for a moment then asked, "Well, what did you talk about? I mean you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but…"

Andy's lips quirked with amusement. Sharon was friggin' adorable when she was trying to wheedle information out of someone. "I've got no secrets from you, babe. We talked about a lot of things. You. Me. About my past and my sobriety and how I've been working to mend fences and stay healthy and about how you've become a really big part of that. "

"So he didn't give you a hard time?"

"No. Not really. But he did ask me about my reputation as a 'ladies man'." He raised an accusing brow. "Did you really have to tell him about that?"

"He must have talked to my mother. Sorry," she shrugged. "It was a concern when we first started dating. Besides, it is part of your history."

"Hmm…" Part he wasn't so proud of. The ink had barely been dry on his divorce when he'd taken up serial dating as if it was the national pastime, pursuing women who weren't complicated and didn't make emotional demands. Women who were looking for a good time and nothing else, just like him. He'd experienced enough empty sexual encounters for a lifetime. What he wanted now was a home and a family with this woman, his best friend, his lover, his everything. This time he wanted forever.

"So, what did you tell him?" Her eyelids fluttered when he began running his thumb softly against her jaw.

"The truth. I told him about sewing some wild oats after my divorce and trying to find some way to ease the loneliness after the breakup of my family. I also told him that since Nicole's wedding almost three years ago, you've been the only woman for me."

Her eyebrow raised in a slightly skeptical tilt. He'd already told her he hadn't slept with any other women after Nicole's wedding, but no female contact at all? "Even though we didn't start romantically dating, until almost a year later? " She asked.

"Even though."

"Yeah?" Her skepticism melted away and her eyes grew soft.

"Yeah. I held you in my arms that first time on the dance floor at the wedding and I was a goner. Every time a woman came on to me, every time I told myself that there wasn't a future with you and tried to bring myself to ask her out, all I could see was your face. You're it for me, Sharon. I walk in a room and you're the only woman I see. I know this may sound corny or cliché but you really are the love of my life."

"Oh…Andy." Sharon blinked at the tears that stung her eyes at that beautiful sentiment.

"It's true. You fill up all the empty places in my heart and I still can't believe what a lucky son of bitch I am that you agreed to be my wife. I can't think of anyone I'd rather grow old with than you. Especially now that growing old isn't so far away."

Sharon laughed and gave him a soft shove on the shoulder. "Speak for yourself buster."

"I just hope that when we're in our 80's we'll be doing as well as your parents."

"Did you tell that to my dad?"

"I did. I figured I should suck up a little."

"Did it work? Did you past muster?"

"I think so. He gave me his blessing anyway."

"Then you passed with flying colors. And Andy…" Her fingers moved to pluck at the buttons on his shirt, the way she often did when she got emotional. "You're it for me too. I walk into a room and you're the only man I see."

* * *

By the time Sharon got back from the bathroom, having removed her make-up and brushed her teeth, Andy was already in bed. With a tired sigh, she pulled her sweater up over her head, and then reached behind her back to unhook her bra, releasing another sigh, this time one of pleasure as the band let go and her breasts spilled out of the cups. It was always a relief to get out of her bra. Before Rusty had come to live with her, one of the first things she'd done when she got home from work was to slip out of her high heels and her bra and into a pair of yoga pants and a loose shirt. Having a teenage boy living with her had made that move far too provocative-at least back then.

Laying her bra over the chair, she then shimmied out of her jeans, shivering as the cold air touched her skin causing her nipples to tighten painfully. It was a lot colder here preparing for bed than in her bedroom back home at the condo. Stripped down to only her panties, she reached one hand up behind her head to release the clip that held her hair away from her face while she'd washed it, shaking it down to fall around her shoulders. Shivering again, this time at the way her hair tickled the skin on her back, she quickly grabbed the icy blue silk chemise she had found in the Victoria's Secret box Andy had given her as part of his Christmas gift. It might be cold but she wasn't going to wear those flannel pajamas to bed again. Andy always gave off so much heat under the covers that she often found herself kicking the blankets off to cool down. The chemise was delicate, spaghetti strapped, and trimmed in lace and when she slid it over her nude form it fell only a few inches below her hips. She had to bite back a knowing smile. It didn't surprise her than Andy had picked out such a short slip, he really did like to have her legs on display.

Grabbing one of the bottles of lotion off her dresser, she began smoothing the vanilla and jasmine scent into her skin. When she finally finished and turned around to go to bed it was to see Andy wide-awake lying back on his pillow, hands crossed behind his head and a lascivious little grin on his face. After so many years alone it had taken her some time to get used to being watched dressing and undressing, especially since Andy had no qualms about admitting how much he enjoyed the show. Tonight he must have really enjoyed watching as she could see the beginnings of an erection tenting under the covers. She returned his grin with a sly smile of her own and reached up underneath her chemise to slip out of her panties before climbing into bed and snuggling in next to him. She slipped a hand up under his t-shirt and over his broad warm chest taking a few moments to appreciate and caress the hard muscles in his pecs before sliding her fingertips down into his armpit to tease and stroke the silky hair that grew there. He shivered and squirmed and that made her giggle. It was one of a few spots where he was ticklish.

Andy rolled onto his side and cupped his hand over his breast. If wearing the nightie he'd gotten her for Christmas and slipping out of her panties hadn't been enough of a hint, her playful teasing was. "You sure you're not too tired?" He asked.

"Not for this." Her voice was a tad breathless as he began swiping his thumb back and forth over her hardened nipple.

"Good." His words were muffled against her skin, his lips warm as he nuzzled along her jaw. He tugged at the spaghetti strap on her negligee, sliding it down her arm. "Why'd you take your panties off and leave this on?"

She shrugged, tipping her head back to allow him greater access to the long column of her throat. "I didn't want you to get the idea that I was easy. And you did say I was the only present you wanted to unwrap." Andy's laugh vibrated against her pulse point.

"Easy is never a word I would associate with you, sweetheart."

"Oh yeah. What word would you use?" She ran her fingers through his soft thick hair, scratching gently on his scalp the way she knew he enjoyed.

"Tough…Smart…" He punctuated each word with a kiss along her collarbone. "Sexy…Elegant…Classy…Beautiful. So damn beautiful it makes my heart ache to look at you."

"Andy." Her voice broke with emotion.

"It's true. I love everything about you. Your body. How soft your skin is. How good you smell. " Sharon gasped as he closed his lips over one of her nipples, sucking at her through the silky fabric. "And you're right; you are the only gift I really give a damn about unwrapping." One hand moved from kneading her breast to trail down over hip so he could tug the chemise up and completely bare her legs. "I love these legs, these _long, long_ , smooth sexy legs and this little spot here, that always makes you jump." He brushed his fingers over the soft skin behind her knee, finding her ticklish spot the way she'd found his earlier. She did jump, just as he'd predicted, but not enough for her to remove her hand from the back of his head where she was holding him to her breast. "And how baby soft the skin is here on your inner thigh."

"Aaandy…"His name came out on a long drawn out sigh as his fingers moved ever closer to the place that now pulsed and ached for his touch. She parted her thighs, hoping he'd take the hint. And he did. He slipped one hand between her legs at the same time he began lifting the chemise higher, kissing every inch of skin he bared along the way. The slightly concave valley of her belly, muscles quivering and tightening, the soft full swells of her breasts, their rosy tips calling out to him for attention.

Finally doing away with the nightie altogether he gave each nipple a kiss and continued up over her chest to finally settle in and nuzzle into her throat. He could feel her pulse racing against his lips as his palm played over the springy curls at the juncture of her thighs. And when his fingers moved into her warm wet folds to slide over the throbbing little ball of nerves, she cried out and arched up into him. With her hips rocking against his fingers, she threw an arm up over her head, grasping at the bedrails. And when he slid two fingers inside her, curling upward and hitting that spot that only he had ever found, the spot that drove her crazy with need, she had to place a forearm over her mouth to keep from crying out loud.

"M….That's it sweetheart… It's hard to believe there was ever a time I thought you were so cold…so distant…so untouchable."

"And now." She could barely focus on what he was saying anymore, her entire being fixated on the feel of his fingers inside her and his lips sucking at her neck.

"Now I know it was shield, a shield that hid the real you. Because the real you is warm and sexy and so damn responsive I could come just listening to the sounds you make when I fuck you."

"Andy…" She was begging him now, her head tossing side to side, hips squirming.

"Ssh…you're almost there."

"No…" She let go of the bedrails and impatiently shoved his pajama bottoms down, closing her hand over his rigid penis. Thank God, he was hard and ready because she wanted him inside her. Now. "This is what I want." She squeezed him gently, sliding her hand up and down his length, rubbing her thumb over the liquid beading on his tip until he was groaning and thrusting his hips into her hand.

"Okay, okay babe." He removed her hand from his cock, took a few deep breaths to calm himself and slid up between her parted thighs. Placing himself at her entry, he slowly sank inside. Sharon threw her head back her breath escaping on a low moan at the delicious stretch. She lifted her knees higher, gasping when she took him even deeper. Completely seated to his hilt, Andy paused for a moment looking down into her lovely flushed features and tousled hair. She looked like a wanton fallen angel. Bending to kiss her, he murmured softly against her lips. "Love you, Sharon."

"Love you too." And with that, she wrapped her legs around his waist, the muscles in her calves and thighs flexing against his hips, her heels digging into his back as he began rhythmically thrusting within her.

* * *

Sleepy and sated, with her head on Andy's chest and their legs still tangled, Sharon could feel his heart still racing under her cheek. Her body continued to tingle with the remnants of her orgasm. Oh yes, Andy Flynn really did rev her engines.

Andy lifted the hand that was tracing patterns on his chest and looked at the ring shining on Sharon's fourth finger. He pressed his lips against the ring, kissing it with a tenderness that took her breath away. "As incredible as that was, you agreeing to marry me is the best Christmas gift I've ever gotten," he said.

Oh God. The man surely did know how to make her melt. "You asking me to marry you was my best Christmas gift."

"Even better than Aquinnah?" His eyes danced with amusement. He'd asked her earlier what her favorite Christmas gift had been as a child. At first, she'd had a hard time choosing between the dog, Bandit, or her horse Aquinnah, but then she'd chosen Aquinnah because Bandit had been a family gift, while Aquinnah had been hers.

"Well…"Sharon looked up at the ceiling mulling that over until Andy finally gave her a little smack on her bare ass. "Hey!" She protested. "You really don't have any patience, do you?"

"It should have been an easy answer. Me or a friggin' horse."

Sharon giggled and that made him smile. He could never resist her giggle. "It is an easy answer. Of course you're an even better gift than Aquinnah."

"Thank God. You started to have me worried."

Sharon propped herself up on her elbow and cupped Andy's cheek in her palm. "You don't ever to worry. Other than my kids, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Merry Christmas, Andy."

"Merry Christmas, sweetheart."

TBC

Next- A stop in Brooklyn


	19. Chapter 19

A/N Sorry this took so long to post. Life got a little crazy there for a while. I hadn't planned on this chapter being part of the installment, but Andy's comment to Sharon regarding no one ever having taken as good care of him as she did when he was sick got me thinking about Andy's childhood and I wanted to meet his family. I got very involved with the Rossi-Flynn's and what I planned on being one chapter has now morphed into two.

* * *

The drive from Greenwich to Brooklyn took an hour, but Sharon had been so lost in her feelings of sadness after saying good-bye to her parents she hadn't noticed how uncharacteristically quiet Andy had been on the long drive. It took the angry honking from cars behind them to pull her out of her melancholy.

"Andy, the light's green," Rusty said from the back seat.

Sharon glanced over to see that Andy too seemed lost in his thoughts, his tight jaw and the white knuckled grip he had on the steering wheel indicating that those thoughts were not completely happy ones.

"Hey." She drew his attention with a hand placed on his thigh as he pressed down on the gas and the car moved forward. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Sure." His smile was meant to be reassuring but it was weak and half-hearted, never reaching his eyes.

He wasn't fine. He had a much more complicated relationship with his past than Sharon had with hers and driving down these old familiar Bay Ridge streets had his stomach churning with the contradictory and sometimes painful emotions associated with his childhood.

Taking a turn down Third Avenue, a bustling thoroughfare of restaurants and shops with the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge looming in the distance, it was as if time had stood still. Unlike most of Manhattan and much of Brooklyn, Bay Ridge had so far escaped gentrification. Other than some new businesses it looked remarkably similar to as it had when he was growing up.

"You see that pharmacy there?" He pointed. "It used be an Italian grocery store, owned by my Uncle Dominic. After school, my cousin's and I used to swing by and he would slip us slices of the best aged salami and provolone. Then he'd give us each a cannoli to go, but only after we promised not to tell our mothers we were snacking before supper. He was a great guy, Uncle Dom. Sometimes, at the end of the month when he knew my Aunt Loretta's social security check was running low he'd give me a couple packages of meat all double wrapped in paper to bring home to her."

"Your aunt lived with you?"

"No, but close. She lived in the apartment across the hall from us with her three kids. She was a widow. My Uncle Sal was killed in an accident on the docks and sometimes she had a hard time making ends meet. My aunts and uncles would pitch in to help out. I can still remember Uncle Dom pinching my cheek saying "Tell 'Retta it's about to go bad, better she and the kids eat it then it get thrown out."

"He gave her bad meat?" Rusty grimaced.

"Nah. It wasn't even about to go bad. It was just a way for her save face. So it seemed less like charity. No one likes taking charity, even from family."

From his grudging tone, Sharon suspected that Andy was speaking from experience. "He sounds like a very nice man," she said.

"He was." Sharon was pleased to see Andy's face softening as he began reliving the happier memories of his youth.

"That store over there, it was Canter's Pharmacy and Deli. They had the best egg creams in the borough. I used to get a little allowance from my grandfather for helping out at his restaurant. The first thing I'd do is go to Canter's and buy a big chocolate egg cream. God I missed those when I moved to California."

"What's an egg cream?" Ricky asked on a yawn from the backseat. He'd slept for most of the drive down.

"No offense, but it sounds kind of disgusting," Rusty added.

"Oh, no, kid. Egg creams were the best. It's really just an ice cream soda without the ice cream. Chocolate syrup, seltzer water and milk. Canter's used to add condensed milk to make it a little sweeter. I had a cousin who worked there and she told us the secret."

"So, no eggs?" Ricky asked.

"No."

"Then why do they call it an egg cream?"

"I don't know. They just do."

"That's kinda dumb."

Sharon bit back a smile at Andy's exasperated look to the heavens at Rusty's comment. But, he let it go.

"See, up there ahead? That's Guiseppe's. I'll pull in so you can get a closer look."

The restaurant was housed in a large brick building and with its red and green awning and the word, "GUISEPPE'S" written out in gold lettering it had an old world Italian feel to it.

"So, this is the family restaurant." Sharon eyed the building with interest. She'd heard so much about the place; it was nice to put a face to it.

"This is it."

"How long has it been in your family?" Ricky asked.

"Since sometime in the 1920's. The story that we were told was that my great grandfather Giuseppe came here from Sicily around the turn of the century with his brother Vincenzo. They stayed with a cousin who had immigrated earlier and sold stuff out on the street over in Little Italy."

"Like peddlers?"

"Yeah, I guess. Eventually they had enough money to buy a storefront here in Bay Ridge and started the grocery store I just showed you. They worked there together sharing the profits. Vincenzo didn't have any sons but Guiseppe had two, Dominic and my grandfather Anthony. My grandfather liked to help prepare the food they cooked to sell in the store so when he married my grandmother they saved up enough money to buy a restaurant. When they first started here the restaurant was just was a hole in the wall. They only had six tables, but as business got better, they were able to keep expanding. A lot of Italians were moving in and they wanted food from their homeland. You know, whenever I smell spaghetti sauce, it brings me right back here. My grandfather made the best spaghetti and meatballs I've ever had. My mother and my aunts helped in the restaurant and we kids were all expected to help when we could. I did dishes and bussed tables and later when I got older, I even got to do some food prep. One of the perks was getting to eat as many of Nonno's meatballs as I wanted. When Nonno got too old and sick to run the place my Uncle Michael, his only son, didn't want the restaurant so he sold it off to one of my cousins."

"What about your mother or your aunts?" Sharon asked. "Didn't any of them want it?"

"I think any of them could have run the place, but Nonno was Old World."

"A nice way of saying he was a chauvinist," Ricky scoffed derisively.

Sharon turned in her seat and gave her son a delighted smile of pride. She had raised her boy well. "And a product of his times and culture I'm sure," she added.

Andy nodded. "It was okay for the women to help out, but he never would have expected them to take over running the business."

"Hmph. Typical." Sharon crossed her arms under her breasts, and then turned with a look of curiosity. "Doesn't your sister Peggy own it now?"

"She does. Peg's always loved to cook. I guess it's in the genes. My mother couldn't afford college for any of us so Peggy worked her butt off and saved up enough money to go the Culinary Institute of America, up in Hyde Park. She ended up buying out our cousin and brought Guiseppes back into the immediate family. She started out as the owner/chef and brought in her boyfriend Luke in as a sous chef. They met at the Institute. Eventually they got married and started running things together. After she got sick, he took over as the chef and she stuck to running the business. But now that they've got her thyroid hormones on an even keel she's back in the kitchen again."

"What do you mean sick?" Ricky asked.

"She had thyroid cancer and had to have her thyroid removed."

"Oh. I'm sorry. Is she okay now?"

"She is. It was quite a few years ago and thankfully she's cancer free now. Hey, guys, you see those windows up there over the restaurant?" Both boys looked up. "When I was really young, I lived up there in that apartment. It was TINY. You wanna talk about tripping over people? It felt like we were living on top of each other. There was a living room, a kitchen and only two bedrooms. My parents had one, my four sisters had the other and my brother and I had to sleep out on the couch."

"Out on the couch? " This was news to Sharon. Before they'd become intimate and he'd been injured and was staying in her condo he'd made a comment about being used to sleeping on couches before Rusty offered up his room, but he'd never spoken of his childhood bedroom _being_ the couch. "That had to be tough, not much in the way of privacy." She felt slightly chagrined thinking about the large colonial home she had been raised in and that she and her siblings had all had their own bedrooms.

"Huh. Privacy? What privacy? I don't remember ever having any privacy when I was growing up. That's what happens when there are six of you. We did move to a new apartment when I was seven. It's the one my mother still lives in today. I thought it was mansion compared to living over the restaurant. This time we had three bedrooms. My four sisters still had to share, but Joey and I got a room too. My grandfather Flynn was a wood worker and he made furniture so he made us this great bunk bed, even engraved our initials in it. Can't tell you how nice it was to have my own bed and not to have sleep with Joey's stinky feet in my face."

While the boys laughed, Sharon cast him a sympathetic look and took his hand. It was just like Andy to use grudging humor to cover difficult emotions.

"Hey, no, "he said, reading the pain in her eyes. "I don't want you feeling sorry for me. That isn't why I told you. I just want you…I guess…I just want you to know where I come from."

She nodded and lifted his hand, kissing the back of it. "I want that too."

Andy pulled away from the curb and started making his way a few blocks over to show them where his Flynn grandparents had lived.

This curious need he had to reveal himself to Sharon was completely new to him. He'd never felt it with anyone else in his life. In fact, he'd been more likely to try to put his past behind him than share it. But with Sharon, somehow he'd known from the start that it was important she know the real Andy Flynn, warts and all. That's how he'd first known it was different with her. All those other women he'd dated, they never got below his surface, never knew the real Andy, never got close enough to own his heart. And he'd been fine with that. In fact, it was the way he wanted it. Light and easy. But with Sharon, he was in it for the long haul and he'd needed to know that he could trust her with his checkered past. That she would be able to accept both who he was now and who he had been. There were very few people he trusted in his life. Sharon, with an ex-husband who was a pathological liar and a job in Internal Affairs that required her to search for the truth amongst all the lies and misconduct in the department, understood that all too well.

Honesty was extremely important to her. It was a deal breaker. He'd learned that the hard way, having almost blown it with her by, if not lying, allowing his family to believe that they were a couple before they officially were. When she'd found out, she had been hurt and wary of him, her trust shaken. The walls he had been so carefully tearing down had seemed to go back up in an instant. It was a lesson he'd learned well and he now made it a point to be completely honest and upfront with her.

Strangely enough, it was easier for him to open up to her about his alcoholism than it was his childhood.

His problems with alcohol were less complex, less conflicted. He'd been examining and discussing his addiction in AA for 20 years. The shame had disappeared a long time ago and had been replaced by a strong need to help others who were grappling with the disease as he had. And it was no secret in the department, he didn't try to hide it. In fact he'd found that his experience was useful in his job as a detective. He was able to delve into the mindset of an addict, which was often helpful in bringing in criminals or dealing with witnesses.

His childhood was different. The classic middle child in a large lower middle class family, he had often felt lost in the shuffle and ignored, never important enough for special attention or anything new. He wore his brothers and cousins hand me downs, played with their used toys and never rated a shiny new bike. When he was sick, his mother had most often been too busy to take care of him and he'd ended up under the care of one of his sisters. As a child he had vocalized how put out he felt by that, how unfair it all seemed. But as an adult, it felt disloyal to complain. His parents had worked hard, very hard, and they'd done the best they could. He'd had a roof over his head, clothes on his back and food in his belly. So they hadn't had much time for him. So there were a lot of things they couldn't afford. There were many kids who had far less than he'd had. To this day, it bugged the crap out of him when dirt bag criminals used a tough childhood as an excuse for the crimes they committed.

"Here we are," he said pulling up in front of a tidy little brownstone. "This is where my Flynn grandparents lived. It's only five blocks from where I lived with my parents but when I was a kid I thought they lived in the country because they actually had trees on their street," he said.

"It is a lot quieter here," Sharon commented while taking in the more residential area. In the early 20th century it was the difference between the Irish who had come a few decades earlier and were moving steadily into the middle class while the newer Italians were still fighting for a foothold in the community.

"Your family all lived pretty close to each other," Rusty said. For someone who hadn't had any family until he'd become a member of Sharon's, it was hard for him to wrap his mind around that.

"You have no idea, kid. My mother used to say that when one of us sneezed someone else blew our nose for us."

"Uh, gross. "

Andy gave a soft snort of agreement.

"Did you spend a lot of time here," Sharon asked.

"Every Sunday. After mass we'd come here to Grandpa and Grandma Flynns for a big Sunday dinner. It was always meat and potatoes here, never pasta. All my Irish aunts and uncles would be in and out through the afternoon. After lunch me and my sisters and brother would all go out and play stickball and touch football with my cousins in that alley over there." He could still see the laundry hanging on the lines over their heads, sometimes dripping down on them while they played. "Sometimes we'd go over to the school a block over and play basketball in the schoolyard. We were never inside playing video games." He turned to look at the two gamers in the back seat, each of whom rolled their eyes at him causing Andy to laugh. When he turned back to the front, he saw a slow grin curving on Sharon's lips, dancing in her eyes. "What?" he asked, pausing in his walk down memory lane.

"Do you realize that every memory you've told us since we got here involves food? "

He mulled that over for moment then shrugged. "I guess you're right. Having a grocery store and restaurant in the family, food was the one thing we never ran short on. Whenever my mom was cooking a big meal, she would say to us, 'We may not have much but we sure do eat well. 'Besides, don't they say taste creates the strongest memories?"

"I believe it's the sense of smell."

"Well, smells are associated with food and most of my happiest memories revolve around food. Even the more recent ones."

"What recent ones bring you happy memories? "

"Our first date at Serve. Every time I smell lemon and garlic, I think of the shrimp scampi you ordered for dinner that night and I remember how nervous we both were, even though we had been out to dinner together dozens of times before.

She gave a soft laugh. "I was nervous. And I remember kicking myself for ordering the scampi."

"Why?"

"Because it's loaded with garlic and I thought you just might kiss me good-night. I didn't want to have garlic breath."

"I'll let you in on a little secret. I love garlic. Besides, I was so nervous about how you might react when I gave you a real kiss I didn't even notice."

"A real kiss?"

"Yeah, you know, lips and tongue. I finally had you on a real date. I was done with that cheek business. "

"Oh, seriously you guys, we're right here in the backseat," Rusty groaned. He did not want to be reminded of the way his mom had entered the condo after her first date with Andy, her fingertips lingering on her lips and a dreamy look in her eyes. He had known right away that the Lieutenant had kissed her senseless and that it looked like he was going to become a much bigger part of their life. Though he hadn't been ready to face it then, it had been pretty apparent that his mom was falling in love.

* * *

Speaking of smells, when Andy opened the door to his mother's apartment and ushered Sharon inside, her senses were immediately assaulted by a tangy combination of tomato, basil and sautéing garlic, along with the yeasty fragrance of freshly baked bread. She hadn't eaten much for breakfast. It was always hard for her to eat when she was emotional and as much as she looked forward to getting home, saying good-bye to her parents always made her emotional. Now her stomach growled with frustration.

Two women rose from the couch when they entered, one slim with short black corkscrew curly hair, angular features and the same dark brown eyes as Andy, the other shorter, bustier, her hair a lighter chestnut brown and her eyes a bluish green. The lighter woman, Sharon recognized from Nicole's wedding. Mary Margaret Flynn Boudreaux. Peggy. The sister Andy told her he was closest to.

"Hey, if it isn't Mr. Hollywood." The smile on the dark haired woman's face belayed the sarcasm dripping in her tone.

"Hey, if it isn't my favorite sister."

"What are you talkin' about?" Peggy cuffed him lightly. " _I'M_ your favorite sister, not her."

"You know I can't play favorites. " He grinned and pulled Peggy into a hug. "You're all my favorite sisters."

"Now you sound like a politician." The dark haired woman gave him a very Flynn smirk.

Andy snorted. "Huh, that'd be the day. Sharon," he turned to his bemused fiancée who was thinking that this woman was a female version of Andy. "This is my sister Maura. Maura, meet my fiancée, Sharon Raydor."

"Hi, nice to meet….Oh my God…Did you just say fiancée?"

Andy's grin broadened and he lifted Sharon's hand to show them the ring. "I did. It took me a while but I finally got the nerve up to ask this beautiful woman to marry me and by some miracle, she agreed. "

"Well, it's about time." Peggy punched him in the arm then gave Sharon a big hug.

"What do you mean by that?" Andy rubbed at his arm. What was it about him that caused the women in his life to continually smack him?

"I mean, for all your life you've led the girls a merry chase. It's about time a girl led _you_ a merry chase."

"Well, she sure did that. " Sharon gave him a flirty little shrug in response to the sidelong glance he set her way.

"Congratulations. It's nice to meet you, Sharon." Maura eyed the stylish, posh looking woman in her skinny jeans, stacked heeled ankle boots and double breasted red wool blazer. The look was casual, not flashy in the least, but Maura worked at Saks and knew expensive high quality clothing when she saw it. The snug fitting Pierre Balmain blazer alone was worth at least a couple grand. She hadn't been at Nicole's wedding and had instead had received a thorough description of Andy's date from Peggy. Lovely, elegant, classy, smart, those had been the words Peggy used, but though they all fit, they did not really do Sharon justice. Yes, she was stunning, beautiful sage green eyes, high cheekbones that gave her a slightly regal air and the most gorgeous mane of glossy russet hair that Maura had ever seen. But there was something more. Something in the way she presented herself, her posture, the tilt of her jaw, the intelligence shining in her eyes; it all spoke of a confident woman who knew exactly who she was and where she was going. An uptown girl to her brother's downtown man. A woman far different from Andy's first wife and the other women she had seen him date over the years.

Sharon was not oblivious to once over she was receiving from Andy's older sister. Maura's coolness and the slight suspicion in her eyes were far different from the warmth and openness she'd experienced with Peggy when they'd met at the wedding. She and Andy had shared a table with Peggy and her husband Luke and they'd hit it off right from the start. Maura was edgier, sharing her brother's cynicism and tough outer layer. Andy had mentioned fighting a lot with Maura when they were growing up and now she knew why. They were just too much alike.

Andy was just starting to introduce Ricky and Rusty to his sisters when Nicole, Dean, Emily and the boys all arrived. Amongst all the noise of their greetings a small woman with a short bob of straight silver hair, still threaded with a few dark strands, stepped out of the kitchen. She was wiping one hand on the apron she had tied around her waist, while the other leaned heavily on cane.

"Well, look who finally made it. You're here! "She let go of the cane and threw open her arms in an effusive gesture.

"Yeah, I'm here Ma." Grinning broadly, Andy stepped into his mother's arms; lifting her slightly off her feet and making her squeal like a young girl. The woman looked tiny and frail in the arms of her 6 foot 1 inch son.

"Be careful with her," Maura warned. "She had to have that hip replaced.

Sylvia Rossi Flynn glared at her third-born. "I am not an invalid. Don't go spreading my business to the world."

Maura rolled her eyes.

"Andy's getting married, Ma," Peggy said, thwarting the mother/daughter argument that always seemed to erupt between the two fiery women.

"Oh!" Sylvia's frown disappeared and she beamed at her youngest son. "I was _hoping_ that's why you wanted to stop by with Sharon. She crossed herself. "I've been praying for this. " Shuffling along with her cane, she made her way toward the woman she had seen only in pictures. Just before her granddaughter's wedding, she had suffered a small stroke and sadly hadn't been able to attend. So, like Maura, who had been taking care of her as she recovered and was also unable to go, all she had to go on when it came to her son's girlfriend were pictures, a description from Peggy, and all the superlatives Andy used that made her out to be a combination of Mother Theresa, Celtic Goddess and Wonder Woman.

"It's very nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Flynn."

"Oh, no, no, no." Sylvia ignored Sharon's outstretched hand and pulled her into a hug. "No Mrs. Flynn. We are not strangers. You're family. You're going to be my daughter. You can call me Mama."

Sharon's eyes screamed 'help me'as they met Andy's over his mother's shoulder. Andy bit back a smile. Sylvia Flynn was definitely a force to be reckoned with.

"Andy."

Andy turned at the soft voice, so different from all the loud Brooklyn accents. His eyes widened with recognition, his face softening.

Intrigued by Andy's reaction, Sharon curiously eyed the woman standing in the doorway. Her hair, what she could see of under the modified nun's veil, was as dark as Maura's, streaked with silver, but it was straight rather than curly, cut close crop to her head. And, unlike Maura's angular features, her face was rounder, fuller and her eyes blue, like Peggy's.

"Antonella? Ma," he turned an accusing look on his mother. "You didn't tell me Nell was back."

"We wanted to surprise you."

It was a hell of a surprise. He hadn't seen his eldest sister in almost 20 years.

"Well? Are you going to give me a hug?"

"Uh, yeah, of course." Andy's hug was tentative, nothing like the ease he'd had with his other two sisters.

"Still feel weird hugging a nun?" Antonella's lips twitched with amusement. Andy flushed. It was the very thing he'd said to her when she was a young novice and he still a teenager struggling with the fact that his beloved eldest sister, the woman who was a second mother to him, was leaving them to become a dreaded nun of all things.

"Andy can't help it. It's probably PTSD from all the knuckle rapping's he got from the nuns at St. Patrick's," Maura quipped.

"Wait. The nuns would _hit_ you?" Rusty's eyes widened. "We didn't have that many nuns at St. Joseph's but the ones we had didn't hit us. Did they ever hit you guys?" He turned to Ricky and Emily who both shook their heads negatively.

"California banned corporal punishment from all schools in 1986," Sharon said. "But when Andy and I were in school that was one of their means of discipline."

"Not that it ever happened to you, I'm sure." Rusty's lips twisted wryly. "I bet you were a real goody two-shoes."

"Don't be so sure about that." Emily raised an eyebrow her mother's way.

"Wait. You got your knuckles rapped?" Andy turned to Sharon with surprise. "What did you do?"

"Nothing too sinister," she assured him. "I got caught in my English class reading 'The Thorn Birds' when I was supposed to be reading 'The Lives of the Saints'. "

"Ohhh…I can see the nuns getting their panties in a…."he broke off abruptly at the look his mother and Sharon both sent his way. "Uh…getting worked up about that," he amended.

"Why? What was the Thorn Birds?" Rusty asked.

"A torrid romance novel." Emily's eyes sparked with amusement.

"It was not _torrid,_ " Sharon protested, "especially compared with what's out there today. It was certainly no "Fifty Shades of Gray. " It was a book about the forbidden love affair of a young woman and an older priest," she explained to Rusty. "Later it was made into a mini-series. It was pretty scandalous in its day and we were told not to read it."

"So, little Sharon O'Dwyer did have a bit of a rebellious streak." Andy loved that he was still learning new things about his ladylove.

"I don't like people telling me what I can and can't read. Thankfully we've moved beyond that now."

"Yes, we have." Antonella stepped forward lifting the ring that Andy always wore on a chain around his neck. "You still wear this. "

"Of course." When Andy squeezed his sister's hand with affection, Sharon noticed the shine of tears in Antonella's eyes. It seemed like there might be more of a story to that ring than just that it had been his father's.

"Well, Sharon, would you like a tour of the apartment?" Sylvia asked.

"Oh my God Ma, "Andy groaned. "Other than the bedrooms and the bathroom, there are two rooms in this place. You're seriously going to give her a tour? Look around Shar," he gestured broadly to encompass the kitchen and living room, "this is it."

"Andy." Sharon tapped him on the arm with a look of warning, then smiled sweetly at Sylvia. "I would love to have a tour of the apartment."

Sylvia gave her son a look of pleased triumph and took her soon to be daughter in laws arm.

Andy wasn't wrong; the apartment was very small considering how many people had lived in it. Following Sylvia around she tried to imagine eight people living in such a confined space. It was no wonder Andy was looking forward to them finding a house and moving sooner rather than later. Even though her condo wasn't that small and there was only the three of them living in it, there were still privacy issues and she knew it wasn't home for Andy. They needed a home where they could spread out, a home that wasn't hers and wasn't his, but was _their's_.

It wasn't just that the apartment was small that struck Sharon; it was the old-fashioned vintage feel to it. Walking through the rooms was like stepping back in time in a way that was far different from the antiques in her family home in Connecticut. The wallpaper in the living room and kitchen looked like it hadn't been changed since the 1970's, each room having a variation of the gold, brown and orange flowers of that era. Milk glass dishes of candy sat on two-tiered end tables straight from the 1950's. The bedrooms reminded her of the times she'd slept at her grandparents home, cabbage rose wallpaper, chenille bedspreads, more milk glass in the hurricane lamps that perched beside the beds and ivory ball fringe curtains.

Of the three only one bedroom was different, the one that had been shared by Andy and his brother Joe. That one was more masculine with blue and beige plaid wallpaper.

"It still looks almost exactly the same as when I was kid. How come you never re-did it Ma?"

Sylvia shrugged. "By the time you kids were all gone and I might have thought about redecorating, your father was gone and your Nonno was sick and I didn't have the time or the energy. And when I did, I found I didn't want to change a thing. It brings back good memories, of all you kids and your father."

"We've tried to get her to update, at least take the wallpaper down and paint the walls," Peggy said. "But she's just not interested in joining the 21st century."

"I-"

"Speaking of memories." Andy quickly interjected before an argument might erupt, and walked over to the one of the windows opening it out to a fire escape. "We didn't have air conditioning and sometimes on hot summer nights it could get unbearable in this room. On those nights Joe and I would sneak out onto this fire escape with a blanket a pillow and try to catch the breeze off the East River so we could get some sleep."

Sharon shuddered at how dangerous that could have been.

Sylvia rested her head against Andy's arm. "Do you remember that night it was so hot, still in the 90's at almost midnight and your father packed us all up and took us down to Coney Island?"

"I do." Andy smiled warmly at the happy memory. "That was a great night. There were a few people there escaping the heat, "he explained to Sharon, "but nothing like the daytime crowds. It felt like we had the place to ourselves. We swam in the dark. I still remember how cold the ocean felt on my hot skin." He turned back to this mother. "You packed us corned beef sandwiches, lemonade and peaches and after we cooled down we had a midnight picnic and then we all fell asleep on the beach."

"Good memories," Sylvia nodded resting a hand on Andy's arm.

"Yeah Ma," he covered her hand with his and gave her a tender smile. "Real good memories."

"Okay everybody," Sylvia called out. "Sit, sit."

* * *

There wasn't enough room at the dining room table to seat the whole family so they'd added a mishmash of card tables that actually made things a little homier. Sharon had not considered dinner at her parents to be a subdued affair, but they had been quiet as church mice compared with the Flynn's. It started with the serving of the meal. Instead of the orderly passing around of food that she was used to, everyone simply called out for what they wanted and somehow it ended up in front of them. They were a noisy, rowdy group full of opinions and good-natured teasing. At one point, Sharon looked down the table and she was sure that every person was speaking at once, many with wild gesticulations, and she had to wonder who exactly was listening. She found it rather humorous even though she was getting a headache.

Once everyone had their plates full and they began to eat the conversation calmed down a little bit. Sharon took a bite of her lasagna and turned to Andy with narrowed eyes.

"Liar." She nearly purred.

"What?"

"Christmas Eve you told me that my lasagna was just as good as your mother's. It was not. This is to die for."

"Yeah, well, what you're eating is full of sausage and meatballs. You made yours with butternut squash and veggies. Not exactly a fair fight."

"It's all right, dear." Sylvia placed a hand over Sharon's. "Andy said that you struggle with cooking."

"Did he?" Sharon turned narrowed eyes his way.

"Ma!" Andy dropped his fork with a clank. "I did not say she struggled with cooking. I said she didn't LIKE cooking."

Sylvia shook her head, waving a hand dismissively. "Same thing. You don't like something you don't do well. Don't worry, honey, my mother in law was Irish and she was a terrible cook too."

"Ma, stop it! Sharon is not a terrible cook."

Far from being outraged, Sharon was amused.

"To be fair," Sylvia ignored her exasperated son and focused on Sharon. "Nobody can cook like we Italians."

"Nobody, Ma? What about the French?" Maura's grin was impish, leading Sharon to believe she knew the war she was about to start. Within seconds, the table erupted in an argument over French cuisine vs. Italian. Andy had referred to Maura as the troublemaker in the family and now Sharon could see that for herself.

Andy leaned in close to Sharon so she could hear him over the cacophony. "Your lasagna was delicious. Just different."

"Well, say that next time. You don't have to spare my feelings when it comes to cooking. Now, if we're out on the firing range and you tell me I don't shoot well, we might have a problem. "

"Andy? Sparing your feelings?" Peggy looked at her with astonishment. Her brother was not exactly known for his tact.

"He was never afraid to complain about something he didn't like before," Maura added. "Did you break him or something?"

Andy glared at his older sister. "Maybe I grew up. You ought to try it Maur."

"Ahh…He's got your there," Peggy laughed. Maura was the biggest complainer in the bunch.

"So," Sharon turned to Andy's mother in an effort to ward off a sibling argument. "Andy was telling us on the way up here that when your husband bought this building he rented out the rest of the five apartments to members of your family. That must have been so nice having everyone so close." Though she was happy her two eldest children had successful careers she missed them and wished they lived closer to home.

"Hmm…Sometimes. My Patrick felt that family made more reliable tenants." Sylvia leaned toward her as if to tell her a secret. "You're Irish so you know how they are. Clannish."

"And the Italians aren't, Ma?" Andy laughed. "Come on, La Familia."

She titled her hand side-to-side "Eh, maybe a little."

"The only people not related to us in the building were the Abramsky's, "Andy said. "They were Jewish and lived on the third floor. Alan Abramsky was one of my best friends. God I used to feel so sorry for that kid."

"Why?" Sharon paused in buttering a soft dinner roll to inhale the aroma. The butter was garlic infused and smelled divine, reminding her of their earlier conversation in the car regarding garlic and their first kiss. Scent was definitely a memory trigger.

"He was an only child," Andy said, accepting the basket of bread Sharon passed to him. "But that wasn't why I felt sorry for him. I could have used a little of that peace and quiet once in a while." He grunted with a soft laugh at Maura's kick to his shin. "Alan's parents were nice people but everything about them seemed so, I dunno, foreign."

"The Abramsky's came here from Poland and their accents were very thick," Sylvia explained.

"Yeah it wasn't just that, Ma. Around here, everyone seemed to have an accent. I guess what seemed so different about them was this kind of sadness they both seemed to have. Even as a kid, I noticed it. One time when I was over there playing jacks in Alan's room I left to go to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Mrs. Abramsky had music playing and she was just sitting in a chair staring into space crying. I had never seen anyone cry in silence like that. I ran in to tell Alan. I thought something was really wrong, but he didn't seem surprised. He said his mother got that way sometimes, especially when she listened to Yiddish music. It made her think of the family she lost in the war."

"World War II?" Nicole asked. At her father's nod, the table grew even quieter. They all knew where this story was leading.

"Terrible thing," Sylvia shook her head. "Terrible, terrible. So many broken, displaced people came here to rebuild their lives after the war."

"I didn't know about any of that back then. I just always felt bad for Alan because he was never allowed to do anything fun. His parents were so overprotective. My friends and I used to hop on the subway on hot summer days and head down to Coney Island, or we'd go over to the pier to fish in the river or hang out at my grandfather's furniture shop learning how to use his tools, but Alan's parents never let him come with us. He could play out on the street with us, but he always had to be in sight of the building. I'd look up sometimes and see Mrs. Abramsky just staring out the window watching us." Even though he'd been so young, he'd known there was something in the way that she watched them that was so different from the other parents in the neighborhood. "I tried to get him to sneak away with us a couple times but he said he couldn't. He said his parents had enough trouble in their lives; he didn't want to cause them more. I didn't really understand what he meant by that until one day when I got really mad and complained to my father about how mean the Abramsky's were to Alan. That's when he laid it all out for me." Andy could still remember storming into the apartment, slamming his baseball glove down on the floor and the feel of his father's big strong hand on his shoulder asking him what was wrong.

"Laid what out?" Nicole asked. Her father had never spoken of any of this to her before.

"Why things were the way they were with the Abramsky's. When he told me the reason that Alan never had to go to family dinners and why he wasn't surrounded by grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins like me was because they had all been killed in the holocaust, that kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. As a kid, I couldn't imagine my entire family gone like that, I still can't. And it wasn't only their parents, brothers, and sisters. They both had been married and had children and both lost their spouses and their kids in the camps."

"Awful, just awful." To everyone else at the table the horrors of the war were ancient history, things that happened well before they were born, but for Sylvia it was real. She had been only 12 when the war ended but she'd had older brothers who had fought overseas and even though the adults tried to shield the children from hearing about the abominations in Europe and the Far East, she heard the stories and was old enough to somewhat understand them.

"Dad said that both of the Abramsky's were very sick and nearly starved to death when they met in one of the camps that were set up for survivors. They got married in the camp."

"So quickly?"

Sharon glanced down the table at Rusty. "I think maybe when you've lost everything; sometimes you just need someone to hold on to."

Rusty's chest tightened. That made sense. After his mother had ditched him for the second and final time, he'd been so afraid of losing Sharon and the life that he had with her; he'd hidden threatening letters from a serial killer to keep from being taken from her and put into the witness protection program.

Sylvia agreed. "I talked with Chaya, Mrs. Abramsky, about that when she and Sol first moved in. She said that on the surface she hardly knew Sol, but they knew each other's hearts and had the shared experience of what they'd gone through in the camps and when you're that alone in the world you just want to belong to someone again."

"That's just so sad."

Andy gave Emily a sympathetic look. She was so much like Sharon, so filled with empathy. The only difference was that Emily wore her heart on her sleeve, while Sharon hid her emotions, only sharing them with those she loved and trusted.

"It's also a fact that when you go through something as life shattering as a war you just want to put it behind you, start over and choose life. That's what my Patrick did and that's where all you baby boomer kids come from. I had six of you. Chaya had trouble though, she nearly died in that camp and she and Sol didn't think they would be able to have children. Chaya was almost 40 when Alan was born."

"Dad said they came here with absolutely nothing except the promise of some Jewish refugee program to help them when they got here. I mean, can you even imagine? Then he told me in full detail everything he saw when his division helped to liberate one of the concentration camps. I won't get into that here, we're all eating and…"his eyes settled on the two little boys at the end of table. "I'll just say that he described what he saw as hell on earth."

Sylvia nodded. "It lived with him until the day he died. Twenty-five years later he was still having nightmares."

"There are some things you just can't forget." Andy's eyes met Sharon's. They had both seen horrors that would live inside them forever. "That day was the first time Dad ever really talked to me about the war. A couple times, I got him to tell me about the scar on his leg where he'd been shot on D-Day, but most of the time he just said that war was ugly and I didn't need to know about that ugliness. But he'd never talked about liberating the camp until that day. "

As a young boy wanting to hear his father's war stories, Andy hadn't understood that. It was only once he'd become a cop and a father that he had come to an understanding of why his father kept his stories close to the vest. There was an ugly side to humanity, a dark underbelly in the world they lived in. His father had seen it and so had he, and they'd both done their best keep their children innocent of that darkness. To separate all that was good in their world from all that was bad. The only thing Andy regretted was that his father had not lived long enough for him to share his experiences with him. Maybe if he had, maybe if he'd been able to turn to his father, he might not have chosen alcohol as a coping mechanism.

"Did it help?" Sharon asked,

"It did. It made me appreciate all the family I had around me, even if they did annoy me. And it helped me understand why the Abramsky's were so overprotective of Alan. They weren't being mean. They'd just already lost everyone they loved once. He was the only living relative they had in the world so they were afraid of losing him too."

"That had to be tough on Alan though. " Ricky speared another large meatball and dropped it on his plate.

"It was. But he wasn't the only one. My sponsor Jake's parents were also holocaust survivors. It was rough for him. Because of what they had gone through, like Alan, he felt responsible for making them happy. He wanted to be perfect, didn't want to ever worry them or cause them pain, which we all know isn't possible. When he failed he felt guilty, when he felt suffocated by them, he felt guilty. Eventually that's how he became an alcoholic. Anyway, that's why my dad rented to the Abramsky's; he knew what they had been through and wanted to help them out. He-"

"Hey Ma, we finally made it." The door to the apartment banged open, a woman stepping through shaking snow from her dark hair as she tossed her jacket over the arm of a chair. "Issie, take your boots off, don't track snow through Nonna's. You too Pauli." A little girl of around eight or nine promptly sat and began pulling her boots off while the man did the same. "Better late than never."

"The story of your life." Andy rose and gave the woman a hug. "Sharon, everyone, this is my youngest sister, Gina and that's her daughter Isabella and her husband Paul."

"Hiya" Gina shook Sharon's hand. "I don't know what Andy has told you about me, but I'll give it to you straight from the horse's mouth. I have two other children but they're older, in college. They're going to stop by later to say hi. Issie here was an oopsie baby, I didn't expect to be having any kids over 40, I'll tell you that. But, what are you gonna do? What?" She paused when Andy rolled his eyes.

"Nothing, just waiting for you to take a breath."

"Gina has no filter," Maura said.

Gina smirked at her sister, then looked down at Sharon. "That's why you're going to want to sit by me. I'm the one that will tell you everything."

"Oh then, by all means, sit." Much to Andy's chagrin, Sharon scooted her chair over so Gina could sit beside her.

"Play nice," he warned. Gina grinned broadly.

"I always do.

TBC


	20. Chapter 20

A/N

Sorry this chapter has taken so long to get posted. I'm hoping things will settle down at work now that summer is here and that I will be much better about getting out the next installment.

* * *

True to her word, as soon as Gina squeezed into her chair next to Sharon she set in to regale her with stories about Andy as a boy. The others were not content to let Gina steal the show and once she got started Maura, Peggy, Nell, and Sylvia were keen to join her, with Andy jumping in every so often to defend himself or offer explanations. The Flynn siblings were loud and boisterous; they competed with each other, interrupted each other and finished each other's stories while Sharon was content with sitting back and taking it all in, the calm in the middle of their storm.

Most of the stories were amusing, though a few made Sharon catch her breath with the danger young Andy had put himself in and the risks he'd taken. He sure hadn't changed much. Listening to what he had been like as a boy she found that the traits he had as an adult were simply modified versions of those he'd had as a child. The women in his life gave her a clear image of a young boy full of mischief, quick to laugh and just as quick to flare into a temper, a young boy caught between two worlds, defending the honor of both.

"Back then, there was still some rivalry going on and PC wasn't something any of us had even heard of," Andy explained. "To the Italian kids, I was a mick. To the Irish, I was a dago. It felt like I was always fighting somebody."

"And don't forget Dennis," Peggy waved a fork at him. "You were always protecting him."

"My cousin." He responded to Sharon's questioning look.

"Oh. The one with Downs?" Her friend Summer's daughter Rhiannon had Downs and when Andy met her Sharon had been surprised at the ease and rapport that he'd had with the young woman. She and Summer had been friends since their kids were in diapers and she'd seen how often people were uncomfortable around Rhiannon, but not Andy. When she had commented on that, he'd told her about Dennis.

"Yes," Peggy said. "You know how kids are. They can be brutal to anyone different. They were always picking on Dennis. But when Aunt Loretta moved into the building Andy started walking him to school and Dennis didn't have any more trouble. Joe couldn't be bothered, but Andy took care of him, just like he took care of all of us. As much as I hate to admit it, outside of the house he was a pretty decent brother."

"Outside?" Sharon's brow arched with interest.

"Mmm..." Peggy took a sip of her wine then settled back in her chair giving her brother a little smirk. "Inside the apartment, he could say whatever he wanted about us, complain about us, tease us, pull our pigtails, and let me tell you, he did all of that. A LOT. He could be a little pest. But let anyone outside the house dare say anything bad about any one of us and they'd have Andy in their face."

It was amusing to see that Andy was actually blushing. That didn't happen very often. There wasn't much in the world that could surprise or embarrass her fiancé but it all rang true. Andy still had a protective streak a mile wide and she had never doubted his loyalty to her or the team. He might grumble about the squad and he loved to jab at them, especially Provenza, but she knew with every ounce of her being that he would step in front of a bullet for any one of them, especially her.

Andy took another helping of mushroom risotto and grew thoughtful. "That all started with Dad. He used to tell me, they're your sisters, Andy. In this family, we take care of our own."

"He used to say the same thing to Joey." Gina's eyes rolled derisively. "But he was always too busy with his friends. He never took any responsibility for us."

"It didn't take many fights for kids to learn that you didn't mess with Dennis or the Flynn girls," Maura added. "Andy was a tough little shi-kid and he taught us how to fight too, said we needed to know how to defend ourselves when he wasn't around."

Sharon bit back a smile. Andy was the only person she knew who could look both sheepish and proud at the same time. "He's still tough," she said. Sometimes too tough. Her sexy third in command Lieutenant was always the first one to kick in a door, and, along with Julio, to get in a perps face. He had zero tolerance for those who lied and those who hurt others…dirtbags. However, unlike Julio who still struggled with his temper, Andy had learned to keep his under control for the most part. When she'd first gotten involved auditing the Major Crimes division she had often been the one to set off that temper. Her position in FID, her insistence in following the rules, her ability to keep her composure, and the fact that for a time he thought she was out to get them, all seemed to set Andy off like a powder keg.

In an interesting case of reversal, once they had begun working together the opposite seemed to be the case. Somehow, and she wasn't quite sure how it happened, she had become the one who could calm him down. When she saw his temper escalating all she had to do was give him a look, softly say his name, or rest a gentle hand on his arm and it was as if all the tension left his body.

"Well, girls shouldn't be fighting," Sylvia said firmly.

"Maaaa!" Her daughters were outraged.

"I disagree, Sylvia." Sharon's protest was softer, but no less firm. "All girls and women should know how to protect themselves. I've actually taught some basic women's self- defense classes at local high schools and at the battered women's shelter where I volunteer."

"Kick em' in the balls, takes em' down every time."

"Gina!" Sylvia sputtered. "Good Lord."

"What? I'm just sayin'…"

"She's not wrong, Ma." Andy shifted in his seat, wincing at the thought. "A swift kick to the balls will bring any guy to his knees."

"Andrew, my goodness, do you children not see that we have guests?"

"Oh, don't mind us. We've heard worse, right?" Ricky looked down the table at his siblings and Nicole who all nodded in agreement. "Hazard of being a cop's kid, you never know what your dinner conversation is going to be about."

An impish smile curved on Sharon's lips as she turned to the older woman. "Besides, that goes both ways, Sylvia. We're not guests, we're family, right?"

Sylvia sighed but acquiesced with a nod of agreement and Sharon turned back to Gina assuring her, "You were right. Groin attacks are definitely a big part of the course. It's a very quick way to incapacitate a man."

Eager to change the subject, Sylvia turned to her daughters. "Girls, would you get the pannacotta please."

The Flynn girls might be feisty, but they listened to their Mama.

* * *

"Groin attacks?" Maura sidled up to Peggy at the refrigerator and began pulling out the ramekins of chilled desserts. "Does she always sound so hoity -toity?"

"She's a cop, I'm sure she can turn the air blue with the best of them, but she has class. You ought to take a lesson or two. And be quiet you don't want her to hear you and you sure as hell don't want Andy to hear you. That will really piss him off."

"She's definitely got him whipped." Maura didn't drop the subject but did speak more softly in an effort to placate her sister. "Did you see the way he looks at her with those puppy dog eyes? And, oh my God, seriously? She's got him going to the opera and the symphony. Jesus, he's got it bad."

"He's in love Maur." Peggy began spooning the juicy combination of strawberries, blackberries, and raspberries over the desserts. "And if you were paying attention you'd see that she looks at him exactly the same way."

"Hmph."

"She does. And she's gone riding on the back of his motorcycle on the Angeles Crest Highway and to a boxing match with him. Do those things sound like something she would have done before she met Andy? When you're in a relationship sometimes you have to go out of your comfort zone. And it's not as if they don't have anything in common. They work together; they both love old movies and sports. I mean she loves the Dodgers, what more could Andy ask for?"

"I'll give you that. I didn't see the sports fanatic thing coming. Figure skating, sure, but football?" The very idea of the elegant Sharon Raydor wearing a big foam cheese on her head to root for the Packers was incongruous.

"See, you can't just judge people by how they look or where they come from. Don't let Ken's shitty mid-life crisis make you bitter and hard. Andy's had a tough go of it, admittedly through some of his own doing, but still. He's fallen in love with a terrific woman, he's getting married and he's happier and more at peace than I've ever seen him. Let's just be happy for him, okay."

* * *

With lunch finished the LA contingent, including Emily, but not including Andy and Sharon, had to leave for the airport. After they left, Sharon rose to help clear the feast from the table but Andy handed her a cup of coffee and ushered her away to go relax with his mother. They weren't leaving for LA until the following morning so they could spend a little more time with his family.

Sipping her coffee Sharon made her way back to the living room, pausing to pick up a framed black and white 8x10 photo. She settled into the couch with it, involuntarily shuddering at the crinkling noise the plastic covering made when she sat. The last time she had seen a plastic cover over a couch had been a few years back when a serial killer had lured Rusty to an empty condo in their building and had come very close to killing him. Were it not for Andy calling and tipping her off to where they might be, she never would have would have made it in time to bash the door in with a fire extinguisher and save him. Her heart began racing at the thought of how close she'd come to losing Rusty so she forced herself to leave the past and focus on the wedding picture in her hands.

The tiny dark-haired bride was wearing a ball gown style wedding dress circa 1950's, tiny waist and full taffeta skirt, so she assumed it was Sylvia. A thrilled little jolt ran through her at the thought that she would soon be looking for a wedding gown of her own. Definitely not a ball gown style though, possibly an elegant A-line or a sexier fit and flare. Something romantic and stylish, both vintage and modern. Definitely some lace. She loved lace. When she got back to LA, she'd have to pick up a few bridal magazines and have a look at what was in style now. Gavin would be a big help there. His favorite television show was "Say Yes to the Dress."

At the woman's side was a tall, very handsome young man with a thick head of a hair and a smile she knew all too well. The same smile as the one on the face of the man who was helping his sisters clear the table. The resemblance was uncanny. Andy had a framed picture of his parents in their bedroom and she had seen family photos at his house, so it wasn't the first time she'd seen his father but in this wedding shot Patrick Flynn was young and still had the cocky grin that in his son made her heart flutter.

"My Patrick was a handsome man, wasn't he?" Sylvia sat down in a chair across from Sharon.

"Yes, he certainly was."

"Well, of course, you'd think so, wouldn't you? Joey, my older boy, he's Rossi through and through, shorter, darker, pure Sicilian. Actually, he looks a lot like my father and my grandfather. But Andy, all he got from me was the color of his eyes, skin that doesn't easily burn and a temper that heats up as fast as it cools down. In everything else, he has the look of his father, his height, his build, everything, right down to the twinkle in his eyes and that mischievous little smile. Oh that smile," her eyes turned wistful as they landed on a laughing Andy in the kitchen. "That smile got them both out of a lot of trouble. I don't know what it was, or why I fell for it, but all they had to do was give me that grin and I would forget why I was angry with them. The girls told you about Andy fighting, but I'll tell you, that boy could tell a tale and charm his way out of detention with just a smile. Even the nuns fell for it and I don't think I need to tell you how tough they could be."

"Mmm…" Sharon took a sip of her coffee and nodded in agreement. "It is pretty irresistible. "She couldn't count how many times she'd been irritated with Andy, all he had to do was flash her that boyish grin, and she couldn't seem to help grinning back, her anger magically dissipating.

"I always had a thing for the Irish boys. Did Andy tell you how Patrick and I met? "

"He said it was at a church dance."

"Just like the movie." Sylvia clapped her hands with delight. "Only backward. I was the Italian one, Patrick the Irish. Did you see "Brooklyn"?"

"I did, yes. It was the first movie Andy and I went to together." They had just finished a case and were talking about what they were going to do on their days off. Andy had expressed interest in seeing the movie because of its connection with his parents and when she said she'd wanted to see it as well, he had suggested that they should go together. It was funny how natural it had seemed, sitting in the darkened theater sharing a bucket of popcorn and a diet soda with love em'and leave em'Andy Flynn.

"Well, of course, neither of us was new to the country like the young girl in the movie. I was a third generation American, but Patrick was a fourth, his family came here during the potato famine. I had never even heard about this famine until I married him. Then I read all about it. My God, it's hard to imagine such suffering."

Sharon nodded, she'd done her own research on her family's history. "That's when my father's family came. They settled in Boston, though."

"One generation doesn't seem like much of a difference but it was. My grandfather wasn't born in this country, he spoke English with a very thick accent and it always seemed like he still had a foot in the Old World. It wasn't like that with the Flynn's. Patrick's family seemed so much more American to me. They had a history here. His great-grandfather fought in the Civil War and helped build the Brooklyn Bridge, his grandfather fought in World War I and Patrick in World War II. We Rossi's were still the new kids on the block.

"Did your families give you a hard time when you told them you wanted to get married?"

"No, not really. By the time Patrick and I got married in the 50s, things were changing. Before the war, everyone was divided even though we shared the same religion. There was an Irish church, an Italian church, a Polish church and you rarely socialized with anyone outside your parish and your ethnic background. After the war that began to change. The churches started to consolidate and we all started moving into the same neighborhoods instead of staying in our own little enclaves. There were a few snide remarks of course, you know, why wasn't an Italian boy good enough for me and things like that. But I think my parents were just happy that I was marrying another Catholic and not a dreaded Protestant." Sylvia laughed, shaking her head at the way things used to be. Then she leaned forward and reached out as if to touch Sharon's chest, only stopping herself at the last minute.

"That's a very pretty necklace."

Sharon's fingers moved to her neck gently touching the delicate heart-shaped pendant, two hands cupped around a glittering emerald heart. "It's a Claddagh. Andy gave it to me when we spent a weekend in Corona Del Mar." Her eyes grew soft and she flushed slightly at the memory. Andy had bought her the necklace the night they had first made love. After dinner in Laguna Beach, they had been browsing through a Celtic store and had seen the necklace. While she had been purchasing some Innisfree perfume, he had surreptitiously bought the necklace and surprised her with it the following evening while they were gliding around the Newport Beach harbor in a romantic gondola.

"That look on your face tells me it must be pretty special."

"Yes," Sharon's voice grew low, almost dreamy. "Very special." When he'd put it around her neck he'd told her that when she wore it he wanted it to remind her of how much he loved her and how much the weekend had meant to him. Who knew that under his cynical, wisecracking exterior lay a romantic soul who shared her sense of occasion?

"Speaking of special, there's something I'd like to share with you." Sylvia rose and returned a few minutes later holding out a little velvet bag to Sharon. Sharon took the bag and when she opened it, she found a lovely rosary in mother of pearl, with a silver crucifix. "That rosary was brought over from Italy by my great-grandmother. She carried it at her wedding then it was passed down to my grandmother and my mother, to me, and then to each of my daughters. Andy said how important the church is to you and that you are hoping to have a nuptial mass, so I thought… Well, I thought maybe you would want to carry it with you on your wedding day. You'll need a something borrowed."

Sharon fingered the beads, her chest tightening with emotions and for a moment, she was unable to speak.

"Don't worry," Sylvia continued, mistaking her silence. "Sandra didn't carry them. I offered but she wasn't very interested in anything old fashioned like carrying a rosary on your wedding day."

Sharon smiled at the woman who would soon be her mother in law, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "Sylvia, I would be honored to carry this rosary with me on the day that I marry your son. Old fashioned is not a problem for me. Thank you." She reached out to squeeze the older woman's hand.

"No. Thank you. It's been a very long time since I've seen my boy so happy. That's all you."

* * *

"I still can't believe you're getting married." Peggy handed Andy another stack of plates he promptly set into the soapy water in the sink. "After Sandra, I didn't think you'd ever take the plunge again."

"Me either." Even though they both knew the marriage wasn't working and he and Sandra had both agreed to the divorce, their split had been bitter and acrimonious with a lot of anger and hurled insults, especially when it came to custody issues. Then when Sandra had begun using Nicole as a weapon against him, it had left him soured on the very idea of marriage. In fact, until he had fallen in love with Sharon he would have told anyone who asked that he would rather be shot in the head than ever get hitched again. Dating and sex was one thing, but taking those vows was something else entirely. "Sharon changed all that."

"Yeah, we can see that. But I could see something was happening between the two of you way back at Nicole's wedding."

"You think? I don't know. That was the first time we had ever gone anywhere alone outside of work. It wasn't a date, but…" He trailed off not sure how to explain it.

"But what?"

"But it started to feel like one. And after our first dance, I guess I started wishing it was one. That day did change things between us." It was strange how it had all happened so organically. He'd always had an eye on Sharon, even when he couldn't stand her. It was in his DNA. A pretty woman walked by and he had to look. And Sharon was a beauty. A cool, impenetrable, and totally untouchable beauty. It was frustrating. He wanted to despise her yet there was a strange attraction he felt in her presence and the first time he had felt the urge to act on that attraction was well before they were even friends. He was pissed, yelling at her, defending his honor as an officer of the law and she was standing there cool as a cucumber holding his fat employee file filled with exonerated complaints, not even flushing as one might when trying to control their temper. No, she was completely unaffected by his anger and he suddenly got the urge to grab her by the shoulders and kiss her senseless. Kiss her into a reaction. The overpowering pull of attraction and its accompanying surge of lust only served to make him angrier. How was he attracted to Sharon-stick up her ass- Raydor?

He wasn't sure when exactly he'd gone from irritation with her and her rules, to admiring her legs when she sat on the edge of a desk and her cleavage when she leaned over one, to really seeing her as a person. It was probably right around the time she'd started asking him for advice on addiction after she'd found Rusty's drug addict mother and had then asked him to accompany Rusty to pick up that mother up at the bus station. The crushing disappointment when she hadn't been on the bus had caused Rusty to run off—so quickly Andy hadn't been able to find him. The kid had lived on the streets long enough to know how to disappear. Telling Sharon he had lost the boy had turned out to be even harder than he'd thought it would be. The fear shining in her eyes and the way she had tried to smile so bravely and assure him she knew it wasn't his fault, even as the tears welled in her eyes, made him feel like such a heel. He'd hated disappointing her. Then, just when he thought he couldn't feel any worse, despite how upset she was, she'd squared her shoulders and taken a moment to tell them all that they had done a great job. He'd just stood there with his heart twisting painfully in his chest as her voice broke and she'd rushed off before breaking down in front of them. God how he'd hated being responsible for making her cry. Sharon might have a tough shield she surrounded herself with, but inside she was a marshmallow when it came to those she loved. Seeing that vulnerability and how deeply she'd come to care about a boy she had only taken in a few weeks before had raised her much higher in his estimation. Before he knew what was happening he found himself looking forward to hearing her high heels clicking down the hall first thing in the morning and feeling a little stab of pleasure at her "Good morning Lieutenant" as she made her way to her office, coffee in hand.

After Nicole's wedding when they had really gotten to know one another as people, not just co-workers, it had seemed natural to start hanging out together more outside of work. They would go out for coffee or dinner or to the movies. And when he'd had Dodger tickets dropped in his lap, instead of inviting Provenza as he normally would have done, he'd invited Sharon. Just another reason for Provenza to grumble over their burgeoning friendship. Not a month later Sharon had invited him to be her "plus one" to a black tie charity dinner at the Japanese embassy and that was when it had started to feel more like dating than a friendship to him-and that possibly Sharon was feeling the same. It was fun getting all dressed up in his tuxedo for her and she had looked stunning in an elegant floor-length Grecian style gown the color of orange poppies that seductively left one shoulder bare. He was falling for her, he'd felt it, and it worried him. He knew that a relationship with her was hopeless and did try to put some effort into protecting himself. He'd tried to keep her from working her way into his heart, but every time he told himself they were just friends he would remember how damn good it had felt to hold her in his arms when they danced at the wedding and the comforting intimacy of their shared life stories when they went out for lunches and dinners. He would be reminded of the warmth that spread through him when she laughed or when she rested her hand on his arm while she spoke. She was smart, stunning, vulnerable, and way too classy for a guy like him, but he wanted her dammit. He wanted her so bad, he ached with it and instead of thinking about all the roadblocks to a relationship with her, not the least of which was the fact that she was still legally married, his heart instead beat with all the possibilities of a romance.

"Are you really sure she's the one for you?" Maura had been listening to the conversation while she covered the leftovers. Her skeptical tone caused Andy to turn to her with a frown and his temper quickly flared.

"What do you mean by that?"

Maura held up a hand. "Don't go getting all defensive. I just mean that, well, look at her. I'm not blind; I see why you're attracted to her. She's beautiful." In that uppity sort of way, she was used to in her customers at Saks. "But she's not the kind of beautiful you usually go for. "

"Thank God," Peggy muttered under her breath.

"Greenwich, Connecticut? Come on. She obviously comes from money and you've never been into high maintenance. Dating your swanky boss is one thing but…"

"Jesus Maura, get the chip off your shoulder," Peggy interjected with a hard glare before Andy could explode. "Just because you have to deal with those rich bitches giving you a hard time at Saks, doesn't mean every woman who has money is stuck up or high maintenance. I spent a lot of time with Sharon at Nicole's wedding and she could not have been kinder and more gracious.

"Peggy's right." Andy tried to keep his cool, reminding himself that there was a time that he too had thought that Sharon, with her luxurious Brazilian blowout, Armani suits, and designer high heels was looking down her pretty nose at him. "Look Maur. You think I don't know she's out of my league? I do. But not because she comes from money and we don't. Because she is amazing and she has a heart bigger than anyone I've ever known. I don't know why she loves me or why she agreed to marry me. I just thank God that she did. Give her a chance, get to know her. You might have more in common than you think."

"Doubtful," Maura scoffed.

Andy took a deep breath trying to remain patient; the last thing he wanted Sharon to witness was a knock down drag out Flynn family fight. "I'm serious. Her life hasn't always been easy. She's had to struggle just like all of us. And just like you, she had a louse of a husband who walked out on her and left her to raise her children alone, only she didn't have any financial support from him." He didn't think it would be smart to add that unlike Maura, Sharon hadn't allowed herself to wallow in bitterness and self-pity, because he knew a thing or two about bitterness and self-pity. Maura was more like him or the him that he used to be than he cared to admit.

Maura turned and tried to look at Sharon through new eyes. The younger woman was smiling and completely focused on whatever Sylvia was telling her. She didn't usually change her opinions on people but maybe, just maybe her judgment of Sharon was clouded by her own unhappiness…and jealousy. Maybe Sharon's quiet, soft-spoken manner just meant that she was a reserved person, not that she was a snob.

"You shouldn't judge people so quickly," Antonella admonished her.

Maura held her hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay, I get it."

"And you," Antonella turned to her brother. "You should not be so hard on yourself. You are handsome and you can certainly be charming when you want to be. You are also kind and sweet-when you aren't trying to be Mr. Tough guy, and you walk out your door every day and protect people. That is nothing if not admirable. Why shouldn't Sharon fall in love with you? So you've made some mistakes, everyone does. It's how we rectify those mistakes that really matters and you seem to be doing a good job with that. I was so happy to see Nicole today. She's turned into a lovely young woman. Peggy gave me the quick run down about you and Sharon, how you went from adversaries to, well, I guess where you are now. But I would like to hear it from you. Why do you love her? Why do you want to marry her?" It was telling to Nell that Andy didn't even have to pause to think about it.

"It's true. I used to think Sharon was uptight, brusque, humorless, all business. But the first time I saw her smile, damn…It was like the sun filled the room. Then as I got to know her I could see that the way she distanced herself, the walls she put up, were all part of the job she had at the time. Now I'd say an easier question would be, what don't I love about her? She's courageous, strong, and confident. She really cares about the people who work for her and she has this, I don't know how to explain it, this depth of love for her family that has just always reached out and grabbed me right in the heart. She's a phenomenal mother and she has great kids. She's also direct, doesn't play games and she can give back as good as she gets; I find that all very sexy. And one of the things that I've come to admire most about Sharon is what used to drive me crazy about her, no matter what's going on she's always cool-headed and in control., always grace under fire."

"Well, they do say opposites attract." Gina's grin belied her sarcasm.

"Let him finish," Nell said.

Andy smiled at his eldest sister and continued. "I know people say this all the time but Sharon really is one of those people who is every inch as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. She's just a real doll. When she smiles at me I feel like I'm ten feet tall and when I'm with her she's this kind of safe harbor where I can forget all the ugliness of the world of murderers, rapists, and pedophiles where I spend my days. I've never had anyone in my life that has been able to do that for me. Before Sharon, I felt so empty inside." There was a slight emotional break in his voice and Nell reached out to take his hand, her eyes soft with sympathy. " I tried to fill that emptiness with booze and when I had to give that up, my job, but nothing ever completely worked…until her. Sharon fills all that emptiness inside me and now I feel like I have a second chance at life."

His sisters had gone silent and were staring at him with something akin to amazement.

"What?" he asked.

"You're a freaking poet now?"

"Maura stop it." Peggy swatted at her with a dishrag. "That was beautiful Andy." Andy shrugged, slightly embarrassed by how sappy he'd gotten.

Maura smiled and jabbed him with her elbow. "I'm just giving you crap. I can see why you love her now. It's not just about how she looks." When Andy shook his head and turned back to the sink Maura's smile faded and she reached out to touch the scar on his neck. "Are you still having any issues with that clot and the pinched nerve?"

"A little. The clot is gone, but I'll still be on blood thinners for a few more months and I still get some numbness in my hand from the nerve issue. Until that goes away, I'm going to be stuck on friggin' desk duty. "

"Well, better that than the alternative," Peggy eyeballed him. "It had to be terrifying to think you were having a heart attack."

"It was. It sure as hell felt like one. The pain in my chest took my breath away and it went down my arm just like you hear about a heart attack. Then my arm went numb. I don't remember much of what happened. But I do remember Sharon holding one of my hands for dear life." While the other caressed his face soothingly. "All I could think about at that moment was that I didn't want to die. I didn't want to leave her." The memory of the love and terror shining in Sharon's eyes was still so vivid, as was the feel of her tears dripping on his hand, the hand she continued to clutch in the ambulance while begging him not to leave her. He had so many regrets at that moment. He had waited far too long to ask her out on a real date. He had foolishly allowed his fears to keep him from telling her that he loved her as soon as he'd come to that realization. He was never going to see her roll her eyes at him again, or shake her head with long-suffering patience when he was being a pain in the ass or slap at his arm or chest when she was irritated with him or amused by him. He would never again hear that wonderful laugh or see her bright emerald eyes turn to soft jade when he made love to her. But his biggest regret was that he might never know what it would have been like to call her his wife.

"Aaaandy…."

The four siblings paused in their conversation and Andy turned and grinned widely at the familiar voice. "Hey, Dennis. Sharon, come meet Dennis."

The man who met Andy in the living room for a hug was barely five feet tall, his hair salt and pepper, his eyeglasses coke bottle thick and he had the nasal tone of someone with Down syndrome. This was the man who was more brother than a cousin, the man whom Andy used to protect from the bullies.

"Is this your girlfriend, Andy?" He eyed Sharon up and down with a frankness that in other men would have earned him a Darth Raydor glare, but which was, she knew, just innocent curiosity.

"Yes, she is. This is Sharon. But she's more than my girlfriend; Den. Sharon's going to be my wife."

"I like that, Andy. Hi Sharon. I'm Dennis." He held out a hand as he had been taught.

"It's so nice to meet you, Dennis." Sharon's smile was warm and genuine. "Andy's told me so much about you and what great friends you were growing up."

Dennis turned to Andy with a smile. "I like her Andy. She's nice. And she's really pretty too."

"Yes, she is, isn't she."

"Can I come to your wedding, Sharon?"

Sharon's heart melted. "Of course you can. You're family; we'll be inviting the whole family. And I know how special you are to Andy."

"Andy's my friend."

"You bet I am." Andy fist bumped him. At that point, his Aunt Loretta came in followed by Peggy's husband Luke who had been busy all day at the restaurant.

"I live in my own house now, Andy."

"You do?" Andy raised a brow at his aunt.

"He does," Loretta nodded. "It's a duplex in Queens where he lives with others who have Down's."

"That's great Den. Do you still work at Stop n' Shop?"

"Yes. I get the carts and bag the groceries and sometimes they let me help put out the vegetables. Are you still a police officer?"

"You bet."

"Andy's a hero," Dennis told Sharon. It touched Sharon deeply to see the affection and hero worship Dennis had for Andy, the man who had protected him throughout his childhood. She reached out and took Andy's hand, pulling it into her lap.

"Yes, he is."

"Where do you work, Sharon?"

"I work with Andy."

"You're a police officer too?"

"I am."

"Then you're a hero too."

"Nice to know there are some people left in the world who still think so," Andy muttered under his breath. Sharon gave him a little smirk but nodded in agreement.

"Here they are Sharon. I knew I could find them." Sylvia entered the living room carrying several photo albums.

"Oh Ma, what are those," Andy groaned.

Sharon grinned and grabbed one of the albums. "Payback is a you know what. I deserve a little retribution for you pilfering through my awkward stages. "

"Babe you didn't have any awkward stages."

Maura rolled her eyes and stuck a finger down her throat as if to make herself vomit. Andy glared at her but Sharon laughed.

"You were right Sylvia," she said. "He does have the gift of blarney."

"It's not blarney," he protested. "It's a fact. You were beautiful from the day you were born."

"Well, I still say you're a tad biased, but I love you for it." She kissed the back of his hand and then dropped it to flip open to the first page of the album. "But not enough to miss out on finding a picture of Andy Flynn the altar boy that I was promised is one of these albums."

"Oh God, if Provenza ever got hold of that…"

"Stay on my good side honey and all will be well."

Sylvia grinned and nudged Andy. "She's got a sneaky side. I like that."

* * *

"I don't think Maura liked me very much." Sharon lay curled up to Andy's side, her fingertips tracing imaginary patterns over his broad t-shirt covered chest. As soon as they got to their hotel at JFK airport, they had washed up, brushed their teeth and gone straight to bed. It had been a long day and they had to be up early in the morning.

"Maura doesn't like anyone, babe." Andy kissed the top of her head. "I wouldn't worry about it."

"I'm serious, Andy."

"So am I. Look, right now Maura doesn't like much of anything. I told you her first husband ditched her and left her to raise her two kids alone and now her second husband just left her for a younger woman. She had to sell her house and she hates her job. She's angry at the world."

"It's hard to blame her for that. I wish there was something we could do to help her."

"Yeah, me too. At least when I was that low I had a job that I loved. I don't know how I would have gotten through everything if I'd lost my job."

"Well, let's be thankful you didn't." If he had lost his job during his drinking days, they never would have connected. "It's too bad Joe's living in Florida now, I would like to have met him. And I wish I'd gotten to spend more time with Nell. She's worked in some fascinating places."

Andy snorted derisively. "If you consider no electricity, no running water, and a hole in the ground for a bathroom as fascinating. I'd call it hell."

"Andy!" She gently swatted at his chest.

"What? It's true."

She reached into his t-shirt and pulled out the ring he always wore on a chain around his neck. She toyed with it for a few seconds before asking, "There's more to this ring than just the fact that it was your father's, isn't there?"

"How…" He trailed off without finishing the question. Sharon was a detective; there must have been something she had seen when Antonella commented on it. "It is my father's ring, but he didn't give it to me, Antonella did. I was pretty messed up after my Dad died." He trailed off as if unsure how to continue. Sharon hummed with understanding and nuzzled into his chest comfortingly. Losing his father at the young age of 14 to a brain aneurysm had been traumatizing. Andy didn't talk about it often, but he had told her how it had led him to start following his older brother down a path that could have gotten him into serious trouble.

"My mother wasn't really there for us. I know she was shocked and grieving and she had to support all of us but I didn't see it that way then." Fourteen was such an awkward age. He had tried so hard to be a man and keep his tears contained, but inside he was still a little boy who wanted to sob out his grief and who needed his mother to hold him and comfort him, and promise him that everything was going to be all right even though it felt like the end of the world. Instead, his mother had turned inward and he'd felt lost. Sylvia was not a bad mother, he always knew she loved him, but she was not a nurturer; she was more a pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get on with life kind of mother. A more sensitive person, a mother like Sharon, would have seen through his tough outer shell and helped him deal with his loss. A mother like Sharon would have told him it was okay to cry and comforted him through his sorrow. "If it wasn't for Nell we probably all would have run wild. Then, not even a full year after my dad died, Nell decided to join the convent. I was really pissed about it-and I was a dick to her. I couldn't believe she really wanted to be a nun. I accused her of wanting to get away from all of us so badly she was willing to throw her life away to do it."

"I'm sure she knew you were just lashing out because you were hurt."

"I don't know."

"It's really not surprising that you felt that way. First, your father dies, then your mother emotionally shuts down and then the one person who always gave you that unconditional nurturing love tells you she is leaving. It makes perfect sense that you'd feel lost and abandoned." Sharon's heart ached. Though it was impossible, she wished there was some way she could go back in time and take away the pain that he'd gone through as a boy.

"I told Nell I hated her. God, I wish I could take that back. It was the last thing I said before she left for the convent." He placed a hand over the one Sharon was rubbing over his chest, and then lifted it to touch his necklace. "After she left, when I got back to my bedroom there was an envelope on my pillow. When my father died, my mother gave us all something to remember him. As the oldest, Antonella got his wedding ring. Inside the envelope was his ring on a chain. There was a letter with it. She wrote that whenever I felt alone I should wear that ring around my neck and know that both her and my dad were with me."

Sharon sniffed softly and he glanced down to see tears swimming in her eyes.

"Hey, are you crying? Oh hell, don't cry. Like I said before it was a long time ago."

"I can't help it. Sometimes you break my heart."When she was in his arms like this it was hard to remember a time when he had thought she was cold and hard, because under that Darth Raydor glare there was no one softer or gentler than Sharon was.

"I don't mean to."

"Comes with the territory when you love someone. Have you been wearing it all this time?"

"No. I didn't put it on right away but I did hold onto to it. I kept it in my drawer and the day that I came home from my first AA meeting I put it on and I haven't taken it off since-though it has had a few new chains. I guess I figured I needed all the help that I could get.

"And has it helped?"

"I think it has, yeah. I don't really need it anymore, now that I have you. But, I kind of like having a part of my dad with me."

Sharon reached out to rub the ring between her fingers. "I wish I could have met him. He sounds like he was a good man. Your mother still wears her wedding ring and it's been what, 41 years since he died."

"Mmm...She was only 43 when it happened, he was only 50. A couple of my aunts tried to set her up on dates but she said that in her heart she was still married to my father and that's the way it would always be."

"That's both sad and romantic."

"She really believes that she's going to see him again when she dies and that's why she's not afraid of dying."

"Do you believe that?" Universal Salvation was one of the basic tenets of Christianity and sometimes she wasn't exactly sure where Andy stood in his relationship with God.

"I grew up in the church, you know that. You saw the altar boy pictures. I can't believe my mother gave you one."

Sharon giggled. "You were adorable."

He shrugged. "If you say so."

"I do." She rose on one elbow so she could see his face. "I also know you've had your issues with the church."

Andy grew silent, the conflict within him still there, though far less strong than it had been in the past. Sharon didn't prod or push, he loved that about her. She simply caressed her thumb over his cheek until he was ready to speak.

"After my father died, I was so angry with God for taking him. I just could'nt understand it. There were so many bad guys out there; my dad was a good guy, why did God have to take him? Why?" The pain was still there, even after all these years.

"I don't know. Sometimes we just can't understand why. That's what faith is, believing that there is a reason even if we don't yet understand what it is."

Andy sighed noncommittally. He wished he shared her unwavering faith. Those words were not just a platitude. She too had also suffered loss at a young age when her brother died so she understood what he was feeling. "I hadn't even gotten a chance to get through that when Nell told us she was leaving us for God."

"Andy. Oh, honey, she wasn't leaving you for God."

"That's what it felt like. When I went off to college I walked away from all of it, God and the church."

"But you married Sandra in the church." It was the reason he was going to need an annulment too.

"I did. Sandra's family is Hispanic and Catholic so we married in the church but Sandra wasn't all that religious. Other than the big things like, baptisms, first communions, Christmas, Easter, we didn't go to church after we were married. Then I joined AA. Part of that is having a higher power."

"But it doesn't have to be God, right?" She knew a bit about AA from Jack's few short stints and a lot more from Andy.

"No, it doesn't. It can be anything. It's all about accepting that you can't conquer your addiction alone. But when I started thinking about a higher power, I kept coming back to what I knew. Once a Catholic always a Catholic, right? But it wasn't very long after that when the church scandal hit and I was so pissed I couldn't bring myself to go back to church."

Sharon nodded, pain tightening in her chest. She had experienced her own crisis of faith when the Catholic Church scandal exploded. It had been a very dark time for her and she'd only been able to navigate her way through it with the help of Father Stan who at that point had only been her priest for a few years. It had drawn them much closer and with his help, and a lot of soul-searching, she had chosen to remain a faithful Catholic, though she would never again be the innocent follower she had once been.

"I didn't really get back into going to church until I moved in with you. But I think that He and I have made peace now."

"How's that?"

"He's gotten me through some really rough times with my addiction and He gave you to me. Maybe even God needs to make amends."

Sharon gave a soft laugh and kissed his bicep. "An interesting theological concept. I'll let you take that up with Father Stan. But I am glad that you made your peace with God, with Antonella, and with Nicole."

"Me too. I like having a clean slate to start my life with you." Though he felt there might be one person left he had yet to make peace with. He had made his amends to Sandra but he wasn't sure they had ever really made peace.

"It's really going to happen for us, isn't it?"

"You bet it is, babe." He kissed the top of her head. "That is if you still want to marry me after hearing about what a troublemaker I was."

Her laughter was smothered into his shoulder. "Well, I've always known you were a troublemaker. I seem to remember our first fight was over your employee file."

"Second fight. The first one was over the evidence you removed from a murder scene we were investigating."

"Ah yes. You won that one. Pope made me return it all to you."

"Only because Brenda went to him to plead her case."

"Hmm…you're right." Brenda Leigh Johnson had gotten her job as deputy chief through a sexual relationship she'd had in the past with their chief of police. Because of that relationship, Brenda was usually able to get her way with him and Chief Pope let her get away with things he would never have accepted with any of his other officers.

"You know, a few years back there was a time we thought Brenda and Pope might have picked up where they had left off. I wanted to know if she was banging the boss and now here I am…"

"Andy Flynn, do NOT continue that statement."

"Uh, I wasn't. I mean, uh, I was just going to say, here I am marrying the boss."

Her eyes narrowed. Andy was a terrible liar. "Sure you were."

"I was. But to give you full disclosure, I like banging her too."

"Andy!" Her attempt at chastising him was ruined when she couldn't contain her giggle.

"What? It's true."

"You really are incorrigible."

"And that doesn't give you second thoughts?"

"Not at all." She watched him playing with the engagement ring on her finger. "It's actually kind of tantalizing. Who knew that underneath it all I actually have a thing for sexy bad boys?"

"Sexy, huh?"

She got back up on her elbow and cupped a hand over his cheek, her voice a throaty purr. "Very, VERY sexy."

The End…

Of this installment anyway. Stay tuned as the story continues back in LA with "Saying Good-bye to Yesterday" which will focus on the annulments and some of what happened in Season Five. As with this story it will weave in and out of canon.


End file.
